Comatose
by jchamberz
Summary: Kendall Knight is stuck in a stage of comatose, but all he really needs is to be saved. How can the new girl, who irritates him to the fullest, fix the unfixable? Kendall/OC.
1. one

**A/N: This is a NEWER story, lmao. I know I posted "Face Down" but I really didn't like the way it was going once I wrote the second chapter, so I got rid of it. I feel like this has more potential then that anyways.**** Anyways, this is just the prologue, so it is shorter. But I plan on making the rest of the chapters longer and more detailed. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR. **

Regret has to be the most painful emotion. To have something that eats you alive, day in and day out and there's nothing you can do about it. Guilt has to be the second most painful emotion. To have something you did taunting your every thought. To have it haunt you within every little aspect of life. It could be the smallest thing involving one person or the biggest thing involving uncountable amount of people; but it doesn't matter. What matters is the fact that its keeping you up at night and there is nothing you could do to just get the pain to go away.

What is there to do to get rid of these feelings? You want to just automatically stop these taunting memories and never remember them at all. You want to have that aching in your heart and the aching in your brain to just disappear. You want to have the tears that are dropped on your pillow every night just disappear. You want to feel alive, whole again. You want to be who you used to be, the leader, the confident one, the intelligent one, the fun, outgoing, loved guy you once were. But now you know there is no going back. Not with your mind set and past events.

It doesn't matter how long ago the event was. It could have been yesterday or years ago. What does matter is time is only an illusion and it could completely go by with not one thing changing. The feeling of guilt and regret could only grow stronger throughout time; wishing you could of done something, ANYTHING, to make things better. But you didn't. And that's why you are the way you are.

You want to do anything to make everything better and you try your hardest, but you just can't. Everyone claims you did your best and there's nothing to worry about, but sometimes it's what you think that has the up most affect. And you try to do things to distract you but you're just beyond stressed and emotionally drained that there's nothing to do but bury yourself underneath your covers and wish that somehow you could wake up and it would be a terrible, terrible nightmare.

But you know that's not possible, which is why you feel your heart literally broken.

That's why Kendall Knight is sitting on the bathroom floor, back against the locked door and the bright bathroom lights burning through his bloodshot, glassy green eyes. His blonde hair is messy and the sleeves of his sweatshirt tear stained, are pulled up to his elbows. There's a practically empty pill bottle placed next to him on the floor and four little white pills in the palm of his hand. His heart is racing way too quickly for his likings and his surroundings are all too familiar. He lifts the four pills and looks at them, without thought he shoves them into his mouth and swallows them dry. He knows how those pills are going to make him feel; emotionless. And that's what he needs because if not; he wouldn't physically and emotionally be able to live. He wants to be comatose; he doesn't want to feel.

All Kendall Knight wants is to go back to the middle of the summer and change the way things occurred. But it's now October, 4 months later, and he's hurting more then ever. His mother and sister are scared for him. He doesn't eat, he barely sleeps, he won't converse, and he skips  
>the majority of his classes and it's only the second month of school. His usual hockey playing, outgoing, popular status is completely gone. The guitar he used to play every night is collecting dust and hasn't been touched in 4 months and even his best friends don't know how to deal with him anymore. And if Logan, Carlos, or James couldn't make him feel better in anyway, that meant something was terribly wrong.<p>

He wants to be fixed; more than anything. He wants to be able to get up in the morning and feel alive again. He doesn't want to be stuck inside the rut that he's in but there's no one to fix him the way he needs to be fixed. He hasn't found that person yet; and he's painfully waiting _everyday._

His Minnesota home was silent; his mother and little sister asleep being it were 4AM. Before the pills kicked in, like he knew they would, he secured the top back on, shoved it into his pocket, and went into his room. He glanced over to the only picture on his dresser and the funeral card next to it, and couldn't find himself to look away. The picture took place in a hockey field where Kendall held a dark haired, dark eyed girl who smiled widely and held two thumbs up. He was kissing  
>her cheek and she was sitting comfortably on his lap. You could see his best friends, Logan, James, and Carlos standing in the background smiling, Carlos on James' back and Logan kneeling in front of them. It was such a typical picture.<p>

He looked the closest thing to happy in that picture and truth is, he was. That was before it all happened.

Kendall felt his vision blur and he threw himself on top of his undone bed, closing his eyes and allowing tears to freely fall out. He fell into an uncomfortable, painful sleep; ready to enter the world of his recurring nightmares. 

So he closes his eyes and drifts into the same dream every night. Kendall stood on one side of the street while that same dark haired girl stood on the other side of the street. They look anything but happy: sad, angry, upset, hurt, annoyed. "I hate you Kendall! This is your entire fault!" She screams out to him.

"No, Emily, this is your fault! You cause me nothing but pain lately!" He yells back with all the emotion he could.

"_I _cause all the pain?" She yells, "You really think that," She begins to walk across the street to his side. But Kendall notices a black van carelessly speeding down the street and he wants to call out to Emily and tell her 'Go back!' or 'Run!' but he can't. When he opens his mouth; nothing comes out.

So instead, the van brutally runs her over. Sending her up the windshield and throws her an uncountable amount of feet into the air. She lands on the floor on the other side of the street and Kendall runs up to her. He notices the blood falling out of her mouth along with cuts and bruises making their way onto her face. He starts to harshly shake her, screaming, "Emily, wake up! Please Emily, wake up!" But he doesn't get a response.

A man pulls him back and before he knows it, Emily is put onto a stretcher and brought into an ambulance; leaving Kendall behind, drowning in his tears.

Then the nightmare brings him to sitting on his couch next to his sister Katie and his mother; and the news is playing on the television. A picture of Emily is on one side of the screen while the news reporter is on the other side reporting "A drunk driver hitting a 16 year old girl in broad day light."

Then the nightmare brings him to the last scene of the night; and that's in the graveyard, weeks after the tragedy. Kendall is kneeling in front of a tomb that says "Emily Tyler: June 15, 1995- July 25, 2011." Its dark and rain is pouring rapidly out of the dark sky. There's mud and dirt all over Kendall's clothes and he's hysterically crying; begging to anyone who's listening to let this all be a terrible nightmare.

But it's not. And it kills Kendall everyday to know that every single event in each part of that recurring dream; actually occurred.

There were a lot of things he'd call himself: fucked up, dumb, terrible, wrong, unworthy, useless, horrible, disgusting. But there was one thing that kicked all of those out of the ball park.

Kendall Knight called himself a murderer.

And all he wants is to be saved.

**A/N: So this is an OC story, but she won't be in it until next chapter, probably like the end of it. This prologue might be a little confusing cause you don't really know **_**exactly **_**everything that happened, but next chapter should pull some loose ends together. Let me know what you think! Reviews are truly appreciated. (:**


	2. two

**A/N: So the last name Chambers was of course taken from the most beautiful guy in life: Munro Chambers! Also, Vienna is pronounced Vee-enna. Sorry I took a while to update this; I was away and super busy. But here we go!**

**Follow me on Twitter, I follow back! :* justinechambers (:**

**Oh, if you haven't already: **_**If We Ever Meet Again **__**and**__** Addiction **_**by ****happeyapple**** are both MUST READS. (:  
>Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.<strong>

It had been approximately 88 days since Emily died; 88 painful, dreadful days for Mr. Kendall Knight. Emily Tyler and Kendall Knight began dating in the ending of the summer before 10th grade and lasted up until the day she died, which was the summer after 10th grade. In the beginning everyone believed they were such a cute, perfect couple. Emily was one of the best head cheerleaders and Kendall was captain of the schools hockey team. They shared the same friends and in public had the ideal relationship that every teenage girl yearned for and every teenage guy secretly wished they had.

But after some months, things began to change and behind closed doors, they did nothing but fight. Sure, they would have the days cuddled up on the couch watching movies; totally smitten. But the majority of their days consisted of fights. They spent so much time together, too much time together, that every little thing the other did would irritate them to the fullest, constantly yelling back and forth to each other. If Kendall was conversing with another girl, innocently, Emily  
>would think different. If Emily was conversing with another guy, innocently, Kendall would think different. They would verbally abuse each other; tear each other apart every chance they got.<p>

They were coming to an end, they knew it, other people knew it, and it was bound to happen. And when it did, that was not the way Kendall thought it would end. He didn't get one bit of closure.

That's why Kendall Knight is broken. He had completely blocked out the whole entire world. Sure, their love had decreased a lot since the beginning, but that doesn't mean it wasn't still there. Maybe he wasn't completely in love with her but he did love her as a person; and losing someone in an instant, in the middle of a fight, right in front of your eyes; well yeah, that's beyond difficult.

Kendall groggily opened his eyes the next morning. The October morning sun beamed through the window and he had to squint his eyes in order to fully wake up. He stepped out of the bed, holding onto his dresser to balance himself out. He heard his little sister walk by his room, calling down to their mother, "Mom it's Friday!" He yawned obnoxiously, stretching out his upper body, before grabbing clothes and heading to the bathroom.

After a hot shower and getting himself somewhat decent, throwing his pill bottle into his pocket and grabbing a water bottle, he walked down the steps and toward the front door silently; breathing a sigh of relief when he didn't have to see his mother or Katie.

Or so he thought.

"Kendall you didn't eat any breakfast, honey." Mrs. Knight came walking into the doorway with a basket of laundry in her arms.

"I'm not hungry." Kendall said, slipping his vans on and tightening his muscles together because of his eagerness to leave.

"You haven't been eating." Mrs. Knight said sternly, obviously painfully as well.

"I haven't been hungry." He mumbled.

At this point, 13 year old Katie came walking into the doorway with a bowl of cereal in one hand and a protein bar in the other.

"At least have this," She mumbled with a mouth full of cereal, handing the bar in his direction.

"I don't want it."

"You have therapy tomo-"

And with that, Kendall left the house; without a kiss or hug to the only family he had. Completely ignoring the last thing Mrs. Knight had to say. Not even a goodbye.

The cold Minnesota air sent direct contact to his skin through his gray hoodie. He watched his feet as he walked, his gray vans walking in a slow pace and his dark jeans coming in contact every time he took a step. His school was only a few blocks away and once he arrived, he braced himself for the annoying, dreadful day of school.

He walked into the building and nobody even took a second glance at him. Everyone has grown so used to the fact that Kendall was broken that they gave up on trying to fix him. He leaned against his locker; his eyes locked on the ground and his ears tuning out everyone around him until the bell rung. And when it did, he dragged himself through the busy hallway until he got to his first period class: English.

Mr. Levine stood in the doorway, welcoming each student as they walked in and having a conversation with a teacher standing outside of a classroom across from his. Kendall walked past without looking at him at all and took his assigned seat: first row, second to last seat. He technically sat in the last seat being no one else was behind him but an empty desk. The class piled in around him and he didn't bother looking at anyone else. Logan was in AP math at the time, Carlos was in art, and James was in Science; so he was mainly alone in this class. Last year though? He would have been talking to everyone.

Once the second bell had rung; indicating that class had been started, Mr. Levine walked into the room with a large smile on his usually dull face. "What's got you so happy?" Mark, another student, asked from the back of the room.

"Today we start my favorite topic of the year," Mr. Levine replied. "Today we start our research papers! One full month with me not teaching you, only answering questions when you need it." He added with a cheerful fist pump, causing the class to chuckle but also groan at the idea of research papers.

"I'm going to hand out some papers right now with a bunch of topics and you're going to spend the rest of the class going through them all and seeing which ones you like. Then you're going to circle the one you want, put your name on it, and hand it in." He said.

"And once we have all the-"

He was cut off when the door was opened. A girl, about 5'4 with long light brown hair and a petite body, walked in. Her hair fell in one loose, long pony tail to the right side and her body was thin, along with a light tan. She was wearing a very different type of outfit compared to the girls in this school: black high waisted shorts, a white long sleeve button down that had the first few buttons unbuttoned revealing the black bando she wore beneath the shirt, boots that came up to the knee, and had large thick rimmed glasses over her striking turquoise eyes that stood out completely.

Kendall would usually put his head back down once looking at the person, but right now he couldn't find himself to look away. He couldn't tell what it was; her posture that was perfect, or the way the instant the door closed, she leaned her back against it like she didn't have a care in the world.

"You are?" Mr. Levine asked, eyeing the girl suspiciously.

"Vienna Chambers, I'm the new girl you were expecting," She said, "Or not." She added.

Mr. Levine gasped out an, "Oh yeah! I'm so glad you're here today; we're starting research papers." Vienna only nodded in return and stared blankly at him.

"Okay, Vienna? Take a seat right... Right behind Mr. Knight... Kendall raise your hand." Mr. Levine demanded. Kendall kept his elbow propped on the desk but lifted his hand up and to the left for her to see. She noticed and walked down the aisle; stopping right in front of Kendall's desk.

"Kendall Knight," She said aloud, smirked, and sat in the seat behind him.

Kendall could feel her eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. Everyone in the classroom kept glancing at the new girl; wondering who she is and where she may be from. Mr. Levine handed out the papers, stopping at Vienna's desk to explain the research paper. After a brief  
>explanation about it, Mr. Levine went to his desk and left the class within their own silent conversations. Kendall rested his head on his desk, trying to pass time by falling asleep. About 34 seconds passed before he was interrupted by the last person he'd think would bother talking to him right at this moment.<p>

Vienna Chambers.

She leaned over her desk so that her face was aligned with his ear and said, "You're looking kinda sad." Kendall was confused. He was annoyed, bothered, and upset. He wanted to fall asleep right there but once she spoke he just couldn't find himself to ignore her. He turned around and looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. She had a small smirk plastered onto her face and her fingers were tapping on the desk.

"And it matters to you, because...?" Kendall asked; looking at the strange girl for a response.

She stopped tapping her fingers and gave him a toothy smile, showing her straight, white teeth. "So you are sad." She stated matter-of-factly, completely ignoring the ignorance in his voice.

"You didn't answer my question." Kendall said, with a rude tone and not a care because of it.

"You didn't answer mine." She responded immediately, taking off her glasses and placing them on the edge of the desk.

"You didn't even ask one." Kendall said, holding his confidence although trying his hardest not to get lost in her eyes.

"Well you didn't answer my statement." She said, narrowing her eyes but keeping the smirk on her face.

"Which brings me back to my first question..." Kendall added.

Vienna scoffed, "Sorry that I'm a sincere human being Kendall Knight." Her eyebrow was sarcastically raised and she stared blankly at him.

"What's with you saying my first and last name?" Kendall asked, still trying his hardest to keep his confidence up. But nothing changed; he was still completely broken inside.

"Hm," she mumbled out, "Forget I even said anything." She then crossed arms over her chest, which Kendall tried his hardest not to stare at, and turned her attention to the other side of the room.

Kendall compelled and turned around, shoving his head into his crossed arms on top of the cold desk. Soon after, the bell rang and Vienna walked past him like they hadn't even had that conversation at all.

He followed behind her without choice and tried to avoid any eye contact in her direction. His eyes began to feel heavy and he could barely drag himself across the crowded, loud hallway. He rushed into the bathroom, slamming the door on the way in, and grabbed the pill bottle out of his pocket. With shaky hands, he pulled the cap off and poured four very familiar white pills into the palm of his hand and swallowed them dry, two by two.

Once they've completely went down, he held onto either side of the sink and stared at himself in the dirty mirror. The mirror had curses written on it with black and red Sharpie and had finger prints all over. But he went past those silly words and dirty smears and stared at the guy looking back at him. He looked in pain, hurt, and overall beyond broken. He looked stressed and as if his life had just been completely shitted on. But as minutes went by, all of those feelings disappeared due to the magic inside of those four little pills. There was nothing he felt at that moment. At that moment, he was completely emotionless and he wanted nothing more than to be just that.

He let out a heavy, painful sigh and made his way to his next class in which James Diamond also had. It was math with Ms. Walsh, a 30 year old obvious lonely woman. She wasn't exactly friendly but she wasn't the meanest. Kendall walked into the class feeling the most calm he would that day after popping a few of those pills.

"Hey man." Kendall felt a rough hand placed on his shoulder and he turned around to see James standing there.

"What's up?" Kendall asked, feeling a wave of contentment wash over seeing one of his three best friends standing there.

James looked hesitant, as if something was bothering him, "Uh, well I heard they're gonna start talking about the memorial for, um Emily this period over the loud speaker so I don't know if you're really down to hear about it," he nervously mumbled out, "I guess its just a warning or whatever." He added.

If Kendall hadn't taken his pills, he would have completely broken down. But now he wouldn't, and although his stomach churned at the statement, he decided he'd man it through and just sit there while hearing the possible speech over the loud speaker.

"Its cool." Kendall responded, "Thanks bro." He patted his shoulder and took his seat all the way in the back of the class, James followed and sat in his usual seat next to him.

Once the second bell rang, Ms. Walsh stepped in front, scanning the class. "Where is this girl...?" She mumbled, still scanning the class. "Vienna Chambers?" She said out loud, "Is Vienna Chambers here yet?"

Kendall's head popped up from the sound of her name and he looked around the room to find those turquoise eyes. Within his search, the door opened and closed, revealing of course, Vienna Chambers.

"Vienna?" Ms Walsh said, sighing afterward.

Vienna smiled, "Yes mam. I needed to get my schedule, so I apologize for being late." She said sincerely.

Ms. Walsh nodded, writing something down in the green book she was holding, then looking back at Vienna. "You can take any empty seat." She said, motioning her hand around the class.

Vienna nodded, turning around and began eyeing the class for an empty seat. Vienna noticed Kendall almost instantly and the most devious smirk plastered onto her face. But surprisingly, instead of taking the closest seat near Kendall, she took the seat on the opposite side of the classroom.

"You don't see that everyday," James whispered with a chuckle. "The body on that girl, my oh my Knight." He added.

Kendall nodded, obviously as a teenage guy he agreed, but he couldn't really speak. The quick smile that Vienna flashed him completely clouded his mind.

But then the loud speaker beeped and the class grew silent. Kendall cringed in his seat, bracing himself for the announcement to come. A soft voice began to speak and everyone remained silent.

"Please excuse this interruption, this is Mrs. Wright speaking. I'd like to ask for each and every one of your attentions and silence for a few moments. In the beginning of this summer, on June 15th, one of our own Sherwood High School's student's lives was unfortunately and tragically lost. We're aware we waited a full month of school before we gave any public attention but the Tyler family asked for privacy before any public announcements or actions revolving around her death. The loss of Emily Tyler was obviously a rough, painful time for the family, friends, and even people who don't know her too well. It's a tragedy that such a young woman had to have her life ended so early. Emily Tyler was the head cheerleader with a huge heart and an honest personality. She was intelligent and involved in many charity's and fund raisers. She was overall an amazing student, friend, daughter, sister, and girl. So instead of mourning her death, we're going to celebrate her life and all that she accomplished through those 16 years. Next Monday, Eric Tyler, the brother of Emily, is going to return to school. We're going to have a 2 period assembly memorial recognizing the life that Emily lived. Now I'm going to ask for a moment of silence in honor of Emily Tyler."

Then there was silence and all the emotions that left Kendall in help of those pills, were boiling up in Kendall's mind waiting to explode once the pills worn out by at least the last class of the day. The silence practically killed Kendall and he wanted to run out of the classroom and forget anything that had happened. But his pills calmed him down completely, which is why he kept himself in his seat. Silently cursing himself for caring about anything at all.

He felt James keep glancing at him, sympathy poured on his face for his best friend's situation. But Kendall pretended he didn't realize and he kept his stare locked on the front of the classroom.

"Thank you for the time and silence, may Emily Marie Tyler rest easy and in peace."

And with that, everything went back to the way it was. Friends returned to their conversations and James turned to Kendall to attempt at taking his mind off of Emily.

"So what's that new girls name? Valerie? Vanessa? Something with a 'v'..." James pondered the thought, turning his body to face Kendall.

"Vienna." Kendall responded easily; their conversation from the class before completely returning into his mind.

"Vienna? What is that, Italian? Spanish? I don't know, she looks kind of Italian to me." James rambled on; obviously being the one who would go for the girl the instant he wanted her. And get her.

Kendall only shrugged, not knowing and honestly not caring. Sure, the new girl was stunning and obviously everything a guy would look for in a girl, on the outside at least. Kendall spoken to her and for a first impression it seemed like she was sarcastic, pushy, stubborn, and overall rude.

She was obviously very different from a lot of girls here, choosing her glasses over the choice of contacts, approaching the guy before the guy approaches her, and wearing outfits that no other girl wore.

But it didn't matter to Kendall because he honestly just didn't care.

Kendall dozed off the rest of that period, not caring about the math Ms. Walsh was writing on the board or how James kept making comments on the new girl, Vienna. The rest of the day went fairly quick up until lunch; which was 7th period out of 9. James unfortunately didn't have lunch with Kendall, but Logan and Carlos did. They sat at their usual table consisting of them three, a few people from the hockey team, and a few cheerleaders.

Kendall kept to himself for the most part, drinking his water and keeping his attention on nothing but that. But when Carlos made the whole table laugh at something he had said, his attention was brought up. He was unsure what it was that was said, but once his head was up, he decided to scan the whole lunchroom. He saw all of the stereotypical cliques sitting together: "jocks", "nerds", "Asians", "ghettos", "emos", all of it. But one particularly caught his eye. She sat on the window ledge alone. Her back pushed against the wall and her legs bent up so they were on the ledge as well. She had a book opened on her lap and headphones in both ears. Her glasses were placed next to her and she looked completely lost in her book. Vienna. She sat there completely oblivious to the world around her. She looked as if she had no cares but that book and the music in her ears.

Kendall envied her. He wanted that. He wanted to not care. He wanted to so easily sit back without feeling any sort of pain. It actually got him angry. It pissed him off that this was her first day in this shitty school and she looked more comfortable and confident then he did. He noticed the stares being thrown at her and the rude whispers being shared through girls; and he was sure she realized too. But she didn't care. And that's why Kendall envied Vienna.

"And then I asked where she came from and she told me Miami. She was born with dark hair but since she's been in the Miami sun since she was 13 or something, her hair lightened. That's why it's a lighter shade of brown," Kendall snapped back to reality when he heard Logan speaking. The lunch table laughed at Logan's accurate statement and he chuckled in return, "What can I say? I had no choice but to ask about her life."

Kendall was confused, being he completely tuned out the whole first half of the conversation; but he was now surprisingly interested. "Uh who are you talking about?" Kendall asked, leaning forward toward everyone else.

"The new girl, Vienna." Logan said, pointing to her on the other side of the lunch room. "She's in my Italian class and we were partnered up to write Italian biographies." He added.

Kendall nodded, but before he could say anything Carlos spoke, "Is she Italian?" He asked.

"Yeah, 100% she says. But she said she doesn't believe she's 100% because her eyes. That are real, by the way." Logan added. The whole table gave confusing looks which made Logan explain further; "She didn't really hold back on explaining stuff. Usually new girls are  
>like... Shy? I don't know, she seemed so... Not. She's kind of weird, actually." He furrowed his eyebrows at confusion at his own statement.<p>

"She _is _weird," John, a hockey player, said, "I have History with her and she is just such a weird girl.

The rest of the lunch period flew by, along as the last two periods which did not consist of Vienna at all. He dragged himself home, the air seeming colder then before, and groaned when seeing his mother's car parked in the driveway. He didn't want her to be home because if she wasn't, he could easily bring himself to his room without any distractions or interruptions. But unfortunately, life didn't come easy to him and of course the second he walked in, he was interrogated with questions.

Mrs. Knight and Katie were sitting around the dining room table. The chandelier-like light above them was on and food was boiling in the kitchen. A large text book was opened in front of Katie and Mrs. Knight was looking through a box which had 'HALLOWEEN' written on a large portion of it.

He walked past them, silently praying that he wasn't called back, but unfortunately his prayers weren't answered.

"Hey Kendall," Mrs. Knight said before he fully got away, "Your science teacher... Mr. Mayer called."

He dragged himself back to the dining room, stopping and leaning against the wall. "And?" He asked.

"He says you been sleeping in class. You know I don't want you doing that." She said with a more stern voice.

"Are you done?" He asked, obviously not having a care about what she's saying.

"God damn it Kendall, I've had enough with your attitude!" Mrs. Knight yelled; standing up and slamming an old plastic pumpkin on the table.

"I don't have an attitude." He mumbled, keeping his attention focused on the pumpkins on the table.

"I'm sorry that you're hurt about Emily's death, I understand it was hard. But you need to understand taking it out on me and your sister will not make anything better!" She exclaimed, trying to find sympathy in her explanation but having a hard time.

"You don't fucking know anything about that." Kendall said. The pills were just about worn off and he wanted to just run upstairs and shove 4 more down his throat.

He began to walk away but Mrs. Knight caught up to him and turned him around. "You don't talk to me like that!" She yelled, sympathy long gone from her voice.

Kendall ignored that, only staring at the floor beneath him. Mrs. Knight stormed from the dining room. The sound of a door being slammed was followed and Katie stood up in front of Kendall. He completely towered over her small frame. For a 13 year old, she was very petite and had an innocent face for such a mature pre-teen.

"Kenny, there's no reason to be so mean." She practically whispered, staring up at him nervously.

"You don't know shit either." He growled and turned away, rushing up the stairs, leaving Katie standing there with tears filling up her big brown eyes.

Katie and Kendall have 4 years between them, but their age didn't prevent them from having a close relationship. When Mr. Knight left 2 years ago, Mrs. Knight was left to provide for herself and her two kids. When that happened, the family grew closer. But since Emily's death and Kendall's break down, Kendall treated Katie and Mrs. Knight as if they were strangers, or people he had not one care about.

Kendall dragged himself to his room, slamming the door behind him, and throwing his vans on his bedroom floor. He opened the pill bottle with shaky hands and swallowed all four pills at once with an old water bottle.

He stood there silently, allowing the pills to do their magic. All the sadness and pain was overcome by anger. He was heated; beyond fuming. He was angry with himself. How can he let this get the best of him? It didn't only turn him against his friends and family but it turned him  
>against himself.<p>

He was beating the fuck out of himself from something that truly wasn't his fault. But he believed it was. And that's why he's doing all of this. He realized he needed help.

Yes, he does go to therapy every Saturday afternoon; but only so he could get the pills. Yes, he had his family to help him; but he didn't let them in. Yes, he had his best friends; but he knew that they would say only the things that would make them feel better, even if it meant lying.

He needed someone new. He needed someone who knew nothing about him. He needed someone honest and different. He needed someone to give him the truth, even if it hurt.

He needed someone to save him.

And he thinks he has an idea who that might be.

**A/N: Alright so that's like the first chapter since the one before this is the prologue. So with Vienna I have a feeling that you're either going to really like her or not like her at all; because I'm attempting to write that way. **

**I've been getting a lot of inspiration from John Green and his books, **_**Looking For Alaska **_**and **_**Paper Towns**_**, the girl's in the book you either really like or don't like at all. I like that idea so I'm trying to use it :p**

**justinechambers : I follow back!**

**Reviews are lovely. (:**


	3. three

**A/N: I'm praying this gets more reviews because I sorta like how this is coming along. Let me know what you think, please! Reviews are lovely.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR or Heaven- DJ Sammy. I do recommend you listen to it though (the candlelight version) when it's mentioned in this chapter.**

Just as every other morning, Kendall woke up to the morning sun shining through his window. He must have forgotten to close his window last night because it was cracked open and the cold October air was lingering around his room. He shivered slightly and stood up to close his window. He really didn't remember falling asleep at all; after taking the pills and calming down a bit he just passed out on top of his made bed. His mother must have come into the room at some point of the night because his vans which were thrown sloppily on the floor were now neatly placed in front of his closet. He still had on his clothes from yesterday and when he realized it, he cringed and immediately went into the shower.

After a long, relaxing shower he made his way into his room to get ready. He glanced over to the digital clock which had 1:13 blinking on it and rushed himself into getting ready. He threw on a simple pair of jeans and a red and black plaid button down, along with his black vans. Putting the vans on, he bit his lip almost hard enough to draw blood. These vans were the vans that Emily had bought him for their 6 month anniversary. The last time he touched them was taking them out of the garbage when he threw them out, out of anger. That same night though, he realized keeping them was a way of keeping her and maybe letting him cope better. And so he kept them. But he didn't cope better, perhaps worse.

Once he was finished, he went through his cabinet to take out the pill bottle. But to his surprise there were no pills left. He felt his breathing hitch and wanted to just scream but he contained himself and reminded himself that he was going to therapy now and he could easily get more.

He made his way down the stairs to find Katie lying across the couch, pajamas still on and remote in hand and Mrs. Knight folding clothes on the couch next to her. The instant they heard his footsteps, they both turned to look at him.

"I have therapy." Kendall mumbled, walking toward the living room and leaning against the wall next to the television.

"Are you ready to go?" Mrs. Knight asked; obviously still upset from last night.

Kendall noticed she was still upset so instead of replying with a rude comment such as, "Does it look like I'm ready?" he only simply nodded his head and said, "Yep."

Mrs. Knight stood up and threw on her sneakers. "You'll be okay alone Katie?" She asked, glancing over at her daughter who was aggressively flipping through the channels.

"I'm a teenager, mother dearest; I think I'll be okay." She smugly responded.

Kendall would have laughed at that; his sister's smugness, but he physically couldn't find himself to laugh.

"Then let's go, Kendall." Mrs. Knight blandly commanded.

The drive to therapy was silent, the radio was playing low commercials and the windows were down, allowing the cool air in the car. Kendall stared out his window at the trees which had leaves that were orange and brown. He watched the houses as he passed them, Halloween, which was exactly 2 weeks away, decorations were being put up and fake spider webs tangled around a bunch of bushes.

"See you in 40 minutes," Mrs. Knight said once they pulled up, grabbing her purse and getting out of the car.

Every Saturday that Kendall has therapy, Mrs. Knight will get her nails done in the nail salon right next door to the therapy. So once they made their separate ways, Kendall walked into the building and waited to be called. Once he was, he dragged himself to Hanna, his therapist's, office.

"Hey Kendall," Hanna greeted him, closing the door after he walked in, "How are you today?"

Hanna was a younger woman, in her mid twenties. She had so much patience with Kendall it drove him crazy. She was honest, friendly, and a natural beauty. Her black her ended a little underneath her shoulders and her hazel eyes glistened whenever the light hit them. Kendall knew she tried her hardest with him, seeing his pain just by looking at him, but he just couldn't seem to let her in. He didn't let anyone in for that matter.

"Alright." He mumbled in return.

Kendall sat in his usual seat across from Hanna's desk. She sat across and smiled softly at him, writing something in a note pad and then placing it on the rather small desk. The room wasn't too big, but it wasn't really small; it was just an average shaped place with maroon colored walls and matching furniture. It was set up this way to give off a calm, content feel for all the patients who come in.

Kendall _hated _therapy more then anything. When his mother demanded he go, he threw a _huge _fit. He claimed a therapist wouldn't heal him at all, which was true so far, but once Hanna started to prescribe anti-anxiety pills to him, he decided to deal with it because he basically lives off those pills. He never tells Hanna much and the only reason he is anywhere 'nice' to her is so that the sessions would go by quick and those pills could be given to him.

"How was your week at school?" She asked with a friendly tone, allowing her hands to rest easily on top of the desk.

"Long and boring." He responded, keeping his eyes glued to the floor and avoiding any eye contact with Hanna.

Hanna nodded although she knew he did not see her and continued speaking, "Learn anything new?" She asked, easing her way into conversation.

"I guess." He answered, his tone never changing its dullness.

"Hey Kendall, how have those pills been working?" Hanna asked, noticing he was _extremely _emotionless right now.

"They're the only things that keep me going." He admitted lowly, letting his fingers grip at the fabric on the seat he was sitting on.

"You do understand that those pills only make you better for the moment. In the long run they won't be there to pick you up when you fall." She stated logically, still staring directly at him.

"The long run doesn't matter!" He exclaimed a little too loudly, "What matters _is _the moment and the moment now is that I need more pills. I finished the bottle and I will flip the fuck out if I don't have more." He added angrily, now looking directly at Hanna.

"You finished the whole bottle?" She asked with a look of concern on her face.

He nodded and she sighed, "Kendall, I'm sorry but I can't give you more until at least our next session."

Kendall's eyes narrowed and he took a deep breath before speaking, "What? _Why?_" He practically growled out.

"I gave you enough to have one in the morning and one at night. You should have at least half the bottle left." Hanna said, sighing again, then lifting up her notepad and quickly writing something on it.

"I _need _more, Hanna." He said with a stern, serious voice.

"I'm only giving you 13. One for tonight, then one in the morning and one at night until you come see me again. And Kendall I hate to bring it to this but I'm going to need to have your mom hold them because you're abusing them in the wrong way." She said with a calm voice and a sincere look.

"That's bullshit!" Kendall yelled, getting up and pushing the seat back. "They're _my _pills. You have no right to do that and my mom doesn't have any right to hold them either!" He yelled.

"You're under 18, Kendall. So until your 18, your mom has the right to hold them." Hanna stated calmly. "Sit down, we can talk this through." She offered with a soft, sympathetic smile.

Kendall was completely shaking, his head was spinning and his stomach was turning. If he was physically able to leave, he would, but instead he unwillingly sat back down and put his two rough hands through his blonde hair.

"Tell me how you feel right now." She demanded with a stern but sincere voice.

"Despondent." He mumbled, removing his hands and looking up to Hanna with a broken look upon his face.

"Despondent," Hanna repeated, "That's a new one… Why, Kendall, why do you feel despondent?" She asked, writing in her notepad yet again.

"I'm so broken," He practically whispered; "No one can fix me."

Hanna truly felt sorry for him, but she couldn't just let him go being she was his therapist, so instead she kept her contentment and spoke again, "You have family and friends there for you. And you also have me, Kendall. You need to get all of your emotions out."

"You don't understand. Family and friends are only going to tell me 'everything will be alright! Don't worry!' but I _know _they're lying because I _know _I will never be alright." Kendall responded. "And you are my therapist and you give me advice and you give me pills that are the only things that keep me grounded, but I just _can't _let you in, Hanna! I just can't!" He yelled.

"You're right Kendall." Hanna stated, writing something then placing her notepad on the desk and folding her hands in front of her.

"W-What?" Kendall asked, looking back up at her with confusion plastered on his face.

"You need to find someone that's going to fix you. Someone you know you'll let in. You're not letting your family in. You're not letting your friends in. Kendall, you're not even letting your own therapist in. You need to meet someone new, a stranger at that, and see if they can fix you. No one is unfixable Kendall, you need to realize that. Things get worse before they get better, but they _do _get better. It all takes time and sometimes time can mean just a few days or maybe a few years. You need to let someone new in, someone who you believe can fix you. The least expected." Hanna answered in a calm voice with her eyes locked on Kendall's.

He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He was struck at that moment and all his feelings were bombarded. He bit his bottom lip and looked up to avoid the tears from falling out of his eyes.

"Emily was a big part of your life," Hanna began while Kendall's heart pounded rapidly in his chest, "And no one is telling you to forget about her. But you can't let this ruin you anymore Kendall. You're young and you have so much ahead of you." She reminded him softly.

Kendall sighed and wiped the single tear that fell from his eye. "I know we have a little bit of time left but I'll send you out now. I want you to go home and think about what I said because it could have a huge impact on your life, Kendall." She then stood up and walked away for a moment, returning with a pill bottle.

"Don't abuse these," Hanna sternly stated, "is there anything you want to talk about before you go?" She asked, noticing Kendall looked hesitant.

"N-No." He responded uneasily, "I, I'll go."

Kendall left her office completely confused. He instantly swallowed a pill, only one, and pulled out his phone to text his mom.

_**Hanna let me out early; I'm going to walk home. **_

After sending the text and shoving the phone back into his pocket, he walked out of the building and into the outdoors. There was a chill in the air and Kendall pulled his sleeves down of his hoodie to cover his hands. He began to walk and suddenly a bunch of thoughts bombarded his mind.

'_You need to let someone new in, someone who you believe can fix you. The least expected.'_

It came to the point where Kendall was desperate. He knew he needed to be fixed, he _wanted _to be fixed. And if Kendall had the choice, he would let Hanna in, or his family or best friends. But there was something that just wouldn't allow him to. Leaving him alone and broken.

Kendall spent his whole weekend inside of his room. He would occasionally come out to shower or to eat something small, but other than that he remained in his room. He really had no use to go out at all. Why bring all his friends down with him? He'd rather just be alone because he truly did care about his friends.

The day Kendall dreaded the most came quickly: Monday. He didn't want to go, especially the fact that the assembly for Emily was today. He didn't think he was ready and he only had enough pills for him to take one so he knew for a fact that it was going to be incredibly difficult for him to handle it. But he had to. He needed to.

He walked into the school to be approached by Logan and Carlos. They smiled softly at him and Logan spoke first, "Hey man, how are you doing?" He asked with a quick pat to Kendall's shoulder.

"I'm good," Kendall lied, "What about you?" He asked, turning it on him.

"Good…" Logan awkwardly responded, "Are you gonna be at the uh, assembly, memorial thing?" He asked with a sympathetic expression.

"Yeah, I'll be there." Kendall responded, looking down and then back up at his friends.

"You should come out this weekend." Carlos suggested with a friendly smile and hopefulness written all over him.

Kendall knew he didn't want to go out, ever, at all. But instead of putting Carlos down, he responded simply, "Maybe."

The bell rang indicating they all go to class and kids started to pile in around them. Kendall gave quick handshakes to Logan and Carlos and then made his way to English. He got to his class a few seconds before the second bell rang and once walking in, his attention was brought to the girl sitting in the seat behind his assigned seat. Vienna.

Kendall studied her for a moment without her realizing and took in how _different _she was from all the girls here. There was something different about her and Kendall realized it almost instantly. Vienna glanced up to see Kendall looking at her, so Kendall swiftly began to walk and took the seat in front of her. And again, he felt her eyes burning a hole in the back of his head.

Just as the first day they met, Vienna leaned over so her face was aligned with his ear, "Good morning." She whispered into his ear and sat back down in her seat before he had the chance to turn around and be face to face with her.

Kendall glanced back and before he could say anything in return, the loud speaker went off. "At this time, we would like all eleventh grade teachers to take their students to the auditorium for the memorial of Emily Tyler."

Kendall sighed heavily and stood up along with the rest of the class. They walked in an out of order, messy line and Vienna was next to Kendall the whole walk there. Once arriving at the auditorium, Kendall braced himself for what he was about to see. There was a large photo of Emily outside of the doors. She was smiling brightly showing her teeth and was in her cheerleading uniform. There were markers placed in front of the picture and a few signatures already on the picture such as, 'R.I.P' and 'Too young' and 'So beautiful' and 'Such a loss' and 'We miss you'.

Kendall shut his eyes tightly before opening them again to see his class entering the room. He noticed almost _every _student looking at him with sympathy, knowing that Emily and Kendall were dating and it was a tragic ending for him. But he tried his hardest to ignore it.

The class was seated and Kendall was at the end of the row with Vienna on his left side. She glanced at him and smiled softly before bringing her attention to Mrs. Wright who had just gotten on the stage with a microphone in front of her.

"Good morning everyone," She started off with a soft voice, "We're all here today to recognize the short lived life of Emily Tyler; a loved cheerleader, friend, daughter, girl friend, and student. Emily was an amazing girl and till this day she still is in our eyes. We were obviously all affected and hurt by this but today we're going to remember her in the most positive way. We have here today a collage of pictures and memories of Emily and the important people around her. Eric Tyler and Gavin Smith helped us put together pictures and music for the collage and we want to share it with you."

Mrs. Wright walked off the stage and a large pull down screen came down. It was paused on the same picture of Emily that was outside of the auditorium and Kendall cringed at the sight. He was afraid of what the pictures had in store for him.

Kendall took a deep breath when the video began and the candlelight slow version of Heaven by DJ Sammy began to play. There were pictures of Emily as a baby by a Christmas tree, then one with her family, and one hugging her brother. There were a few photos of just Emily alone, then some with her best friends who were silently crying at this point, and then some with her cheerleading team and the clubs she was in. Then came the pictures that had Kendall's heart breaking from the instant it was shown.

The picture took place in the snow. Kendall arms were wrapped around Emily from behind and they were smiling widely, looking as if they were laughing at something. It was dark out and they looked so happy. Then the next picture was the one he has in his room, consisting of them two and James, Carlos, and Logan. Then after that was one of Kendall, Emily, and Eric; smiling with their arms around each other. Then came many of Emily and friends and teachers and then the second to last one: it consisted of Kendall and Emily holding hands, they were wearing their bathing suits and they were in front of a pool with many of their friends behind them, and it was painfully the last picture she took before she died.

At this point, Kendall had tears filling his eyes and he didn't realize until the collage had ended. He shouldn't have felt dumb or stupid though, because many other students were crying at that moment. But Kendall felt something beyond any other student. He wanted to die right there. He felt beyond guilty and there was nothing he could do about it.

Mrs. Wright came on the stage again and began talking about drunk drivers and teen deaths, which Kendall unintentionally tuned out being it wasn't specifically about Emily. He felt as if he couldn't breathe because he was holding back his sobs. He lifted his hand to wipe any fallen tears and once he placed his hand back down, something surprised him. A small hand, with black polish on the nails, was placed on top of his.

"This answers my question from Friday, right?"

Kendall turned his head to see Vienna sitting there with a soft smile and a different look then _any _he's ever gotten when Emily was spoken about. When people would talk about Emily, whether it was to say sorry for his loss or just a memory that was brought up, they would do it with such a look of sympathy it made Kendall sick. But the look that Vienna gave him was different then any he has seen since after Emily's death. If he had to say, it was more a look of stubbornness then anything else. But for some reason Kendall just couldn't lie to her. So after she asked that, he only simply nodded and stared straight into her turquoise eyes, practically begging for help.

"I'm guessing she was your girlfriend?" Vienna asked, taking the initiative to talk again.

Kendall nodded again, "Yeah." He practically whispered.

Before Vienna had a chance to speak again, Mrs. Wright began to make an announcement, "Eric Tyler is going to be coming up here momentarily to give a speech regarding his sister. Eric, Emily's brother, is two years younger than all of you, making him in ninth grade. It's his first year of high school and he really doesn't know many of you. He is so strong for being able to come up here so soon after the tragic loss of his loved sister. So, we're going to ask you to give your full attention and respect to Eric as he talks."

Soon after Mrs. Wright walked off the stage, Eric walked on. He was a bit smaller than the rest of the students in his grade and had similar dark hair and eyes as his sister. Kendall felt tears burning his eyes the instant he placed his eyes on Eric. He remembered the last time he saw him, which was the burial, and he was a _wreck. _No, a wreck was an understatement.

It made Kendall feel almost stubborn or selfish. Emily had _family, _sure they were in a relationship for a year, but these people were with her all her life. But Kendall composed himself, because if Eric was able to, anyone should be able to.

"H-Hi," Eric nervously started, pulling the microphone down to reach his height. "I guess you all know that Emily was my sister. Me and Emily… we, we were really," He then began to cry; causing more than half the auditorium, including teachers, to cry as well.

"Really close and it really, really hurt me to see her go. It- it still does. And when I got the chance to do this, I- I was really nervous but then I remembered how when I was sick with the flu in the hospital, she did a lot to get all of her friends sign stuff for me to have it when I was better. And I still have it now. But I know she would do anything for me. And I would do anything for her too. I really don't know much of you, but I do know a few who are hurting like I am."

Kendall's hand was tightly holding onto the arm rest and he could feel Vienna glancing over at him every now and then.

"Brittany Rivera and Gina Reinhart were Emily's best friend's and she would always talk about how much she loved you guys and never fought or lied to you guys. Also the rest of the cheerleaders she was on the team with she loved so much. And her boyfriend, Kendall,"

A lot of attention was turned toward him but he tried his hardest to block it out.

"He was such a good boyfriend to her and he became my friend too. I just, I don't want you guys to forget her. But I know she wouldn't want us crying over her everyday. I know she would prefer that we just remember the good times we had and move on from the sadness. It may take time but I think we're all ready to do that. Thanks for listening to me."

Eric walked off the stage, wiping his eyes and not looking back at all. There was silence in the auditorium until Mrs. Wright went back on stage and began to speak again. The whole rest of the assembly consisted of memories of Emily, pictures, videos, and speeches from teachers about drunk driving and watching out on the streets. The assembly ended on a sad note, the picture of Emily being on the large screen and this being basically the last bit of closure for everyone. Everyone stood up to walk to their third period classes and silent conversations were brought up between students.

But Kendall turned to look at Vienna, who turned to look at him at practically the same time. They caught each other's eyes and as soon as Kendall was going to turn away, Vienna spoke.

"Come on," She said, grabbing his wrist and turning away from where everyone else was walking.

"W-What? Where?" Kendall asked, confused on why this girl he barely knew was bringing him somewhere.

"You clearly don't wanna be here, and well neither do I." She stated, stopping to get a yes or no from Kendall.

He seemed to think for a minute and surprisingly if it were anyone else, he would have said no. But he looked into her eyes and saw something that he hasn't seen in a while. He saw hope.

So he took her up on her offer and followed her out of the back exit of the auditorium. The brisk air hit them almost instantly and Kendall followed Vienna as she carelessly walked away from the school and into the empty Sherwood streets.

Where they were going and what was going to happen was completely under Kendall. But for the first time in a _long _time, the feeling of adrenaline and excitement was making its way into his mind and the only thing that confused him was the fact that Vienna was the cause.


	4. four

**A/N: Enjoy? Haha, not much to say. Reviews are lovely which is why I'm gonna depend my updates on the amount of reviews I get because I'm dealing with some outside things in my life and writing for no reason takes up my time so yeah… (: Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Leaves were piled all over the ground and Kendall watched Vienna as she carelessly walked, kicking the leaves as she passed them. Her long, brown curls bounced loosely with every move she made and her thin legs were covered by tight, black leggings. Kendall had no idea where she was taking him, but quite frankly it really didn't matter. He preferred walking in complete silence with a girl he barely knows, like now, then having to sit in the school he hates with a passion. Vienna spun on her heals, softly smiled at Kendall, then turned back around; returning to her original position with her back to Kendall. He fastened his pace a bit, bringing himself right next to Vienna, rather than a few feet behind her.

"Where are we even going?" Kendall blandly asked, wondering where the new girl was taking the guy who has lived here in Sherwood since birth.

Vienna kept her eyes on her feet kicking the leaves beneath her but she responded, "My house." She shrugged slightly, still continuously ruffling the leaves.

Then it was silent again and the only sound that could be heard was the leaves. They walked side by side but it was like they weren't even with each other because nothing was being said between the two. Vienna stopped to pet a chocolate lab, telling its owner that he has an adorable dog. Then she stopped to pick up a newspaper in which an elderly man dropped. Kendall watched her. It was like every time he looked at her, the feeling of jealousy overcame him. It's hard to find that a guy is jealous of a girl; that is unless the guy is gay, of course. It wasn't that he was jealous of the way she _looks _but it was more of the way she _acts_. Kendall just couldn't help but envy her. She has no problems, she has no cares, and she just has it all going for her in Kendall's eyes. He wanted to be able to be the new kid and automatically just not care about any of the students. All girls already had their own cliques, obviously not wanting Vienna in their little groups. Girls probably envied Vienna too; but not for the same reason Kendall does.

"Can you stop doing that?" Kendall rudely asked.

Vienna had been kicking the same few leaves beneath her feet for the whole entire walk. And with the silence, the sound of it could be _very _irritating.

"Is it bothering you?" She stopped walking, crossed her arms underneath the V on her shirt, which held her glasses, and waited for an answer.

"Yes." He responded, "Very."

"Oh, sorry." She said and began to walk again; leaving the leaves behind her.

Only one minute went by before Vienna began to kick the leaves again, causing Kendall to glare at her immediately. "You're not gonna stop, are you?" He asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Nope." She stated, shrugging and hiding a smirk.

Kendall groaned lowly, "How far is your house? Jesus!" He exclaimed, obviously being irritated by the longer walk and Vienna's stubbornness.

"You have absolutely no patience," She stated, looking up at him but then returning her eyes to the ground, "Like two more minutes and we'll get there."

Five silent minutes passed before they finally arrived at Vienna's home. It was rather large, being the largest on the block, and it was only a few blocks away from the next town over. The house was an off white color and had two garages, a decent sized lawn, and one small step to lead them to the front door. There was a deck in the front and windows placed all over the large house.

When they approached the front door, Vienna stared for a moment then turned to Kendall and smiled. "We have a minor problem," She stated. "Come with me."

Kendall reluctantly followed her to the side of the house where she stood there with a hand on her hip and her eyes examining the house. "Hmm," She began. To Kendall's surprise, she began to climb on a ladder that was placed there.

"What the hell are you doing?" Kendall called up to her once she reached the top of the ladder.

"Wanna know a secret?" She asked, smiling down at him.

"I wanna know what the hell you're doing." He repeated; baffled at what she was doing on top of a ladder.

"Wanna know a secret?" She repeated again, leaving Kendall to glare intensely at her.

"What?" He asked angrily.

"I forgot my key." She smiled, "And my room is up there and this ladder only comes up to here." She said, patting the side of the house nearest to her.

Before Kendall could say anything, she had climbed on top of a window ledge and was only hanging on by another window ledge.

"You're gonna kill yourself." Kendall mumbled, looking around to make sure no one thought this was a break in. He watched her struggling with opening the window at first, but she finally did it and before Kendall had any reactions, she disappeared into the room. He stood there amazed at how a girl could do that; how a girl would even want to do that.

She poked her head out a moment later, "Go to the front I'll open the door for you." Then she disappeared again, and Kendall walked to the front of the house. He stood there for only a few moments, before Vienna opened the door revealing the very clean house. He walked in when she motioned him to and he examined his surroundings.

The living room consisted of an off white colored couch that wrapped around the room and a large plasma television was in front of a glass table that had a large vase of flowers on it. Vienna led them into the kitchen which consisted of beautiful stainless steel all over. The island in the middle of the kitchen had a cook book and another beautiful vase with flowers. There were papers placed around the kitchen and big bowl of fruit on another counter. Kendall stood there, not knowing what to do with himself.

"Sit," Vienna said, pulling a tall chair out from the side of the island and patting the seat for Kendall to sit.

Kendall sat and watched Vienna as she opened the refrigerator and stared for a moment. "What do you want?" She asked, keeping her back to Kendall.

"Nothing." He responded, looking into the hallway and up the stairs on both sides of him.

Vienna closed the refrigerator and returned with a water bottle for herself. She leaned over the island, across from Kendall, and looked straight into his eyes. Kendall almost immediately felt himself tense up. Sure, she is beautiful and to get stared at with those eyes could be hard to not get lost in, but there was more to it. Vienna knows nothing about Kendall and they both know that; so why was Kendall getting the sudden sense of nervousness? Kendall was and still isn't never the one to get nervous; so what's so different about Vienna then anyone else?

There's something wrong with Kendall. He's not in a normal state of mind and Vienna knows that. _That's _why Kendall got nervous. Vienna wants to help him and he knows it. He wants the help too, but he's scared. Kendall Knight is scared of letting anymore people in.

"What are you thinking about?" Vienna asked; breaking Kendall out of his thoughts but not breaking the stare.

Kendall intentionally shifted his eyes around the kitchen before bringing them back to hers. "Nothing." He dryly responded.

"You can't just sit in silence and not think about anything." She smartly stated, chuckling as she said it.

Kendall found himself irritated whenever she proved him wrong. "Why should I even tell you?" He asked, placing both his elbows on the table in front of him.

"Well for one thing, you're sitting in my house," She said, not bothering to hide her smirk. "And for another; I'll tell you what I'm thinking."

He shrugged, "If I wanted you to know, then I would be thinking out loud." He stated intrusively. "Obviously." He added, raising a thick eyebrow.

She squinted her eyes at him before taking a small sip out of her water bottle, "You know… you seemed like the one to have a conversation." She took a Sharpie and drew a big 'V' on the front of the water bottle, placing it back into the refrigerator. "But you're not." She added bluntly. "Obviously." She mimicked Kendall's last statement.

Kendall was ready to just get up and leave but that would be giving into her stubbornness. And Kendall was not one to give in so easily. So he composed himself. "So what are you thinking about?" He asked.

"How I got Kendall Knight into my house," She shaped her mouth into an 'o' sarcastically, then chuckled, biting her bottom lip once she finished laughing.

Kendall couldn't help but smile, but he caught himself and wiped it off before it got any further. "How come?" He asked; truthfully confused on what she meant.

"I got a hold of last year's yearbook," She stated. "Hockey team captain, in only 10th grade. The page dedicated to the ninth to eleventh graders, I feel like I saw your face more than anyone's." She laughed.

Kendall nodded and shrugged, "Yeah, I always ended up in pictures somehow." He chuckled, surprising himself and even Vienna.

"That's not a bad thing." She stated, tapping her fingers on top of the cook book.

"So what does that have to do with getting me into your house?" He asked, still confused on what she even meant.

She chuckled, "Oh right. Well it seems you have a lot of friends. Ones that you could hangout with in class and when gym or lunch comes around…" She stated. "Why leave school with the new girl… which no one is really fond of, I might add."

"Why not?" Kendall asked, shrugging afterward. "And I know some guys who are fond of you." He added.

Vienna shook her head, "Fond of the way I look." She sighed, "There are some creepy, shameless assholes here." She added.

Kendall nodded in agreement, "It only gets worse." He chuckled, _again _surprising himself.

Then it was quiet and she glanced at him and smiled. "Conversation over?" She smugly asked.

"Where are your parents?" He asked, obviously trying to prove himself.

She smiled but then wiped it off, "Work." She shrugged, obviously not caring.

"Siblings?" He asked, looking around to find any type of family picture.

"Only child." She responded, grabbing the cook book and flipping carelessly through it.

"Pets?" He asked, obviously doing anything to keep the conversation going.

"Are you writing a book?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Kendall shrugged, "You told me I couldn't keep a conversation." He said.

"Oh Kendall you proved me wrong." She stated, with a smug smile place onto her face.

Kendall rolled his eyes, "Your sarcasm is awesome." He lowly responded.

"So is yours."

Then it was quiet. _Again. _Although this time they weren't looking at each other. Vienna kept her eyes on the cook book's recipes and Kendall just stared down at the ground. He really didn't feel comfortable there and he felt like he just couldn't compete with Vienna, as much as he wanted to. She has a way of doing things and saying things; it completely drove Kendall insane. He didn't want her to be better than him. But right now she was. He couldn't have that. He needed to be fixed.

"How long were you and that girl together?"

Kendall could have sworn his heart stopped for a moment. It was rather surprising that Emily had not been on his mind since he left the school with Vienna, but now with that one question; his mind was clouded with Emily. He looked up from the ground, his green eyes meeting her turquoise ones. He didn't know what it was that Vienna did, but in this moment he couldn't help but _hate _her. In Kendall's eyes, he swears he sees Vienna hiding a smirk. He wants to clench his hand into a fist and plunge at her but he can't because she's a girl and well, he's a guy.

Anybody else would have said Kendall was overreacting at such a simple question but to him it made the most sense to feel the way he does. He looked at her and furrowed his eyebrows in anger, more than anything else. "We have to talk about that?" He rudely asked.

Vienna shrugged, "Just thought I'd ask." She responded, very nonchalantly.

Kendall couldn't stand the carelessness in Vienna's voice; how she was so easily throwing around such a rough topic for Kendall. His anger built up to its highest point and he needed anything but to be sitting right there, in Vienna's kitchen.

"I could say it so many times… You're so fucking stubborn." Kendall bluntly stated, standing up from his seat.

Vienna furrowed her eyebrows and chuckled lowly. "I guess I am stubborn, Kendall." She shrugged. "For what reason, I don't know. But you're _the _Kendall Knight, so you must be right." She remained in her spot but she leaned over the island.

Every single word that came out of Vienna's mouth made him want to scream. He wanted to push her down and leave but no matter how angry he was, he could never physically hurt a girl. "I _am _right! From the first words you said to me, all you have been was stubborn." But with words, it really didn't matter to him.

"Do you want to know what I think your problem is?" She asked, walking over to be directly in front of him. "I think your problem is that you dwell on the past. You dwell on things that already happened. While everyone in the _world _is in October 2011, you're stuck in July 2011." She added, before he had a chance to respond. "You can't change things that happened and you can't go back to make them better. You seem so… so strong. So independent and confident; something a lot of guys aren't. But by the looks of it, you're not. And just when I thought you were, well I was so proven wrong."

Kendall stared blankly at her. He seemed as if he ran out of words, out of air. He felt tears threatening to fall out of his eyes and he just wanted to scream. Vienna was right and he knew it. He _was _the independent, confident, strong, loving guy. He _was _the leader. But now, now that Emily's death had completely ruined his life; he's nothing but a guy. A broken, incomplete, unfixable guy.

"Fuck you."

That seemed to be the only thing Kendall could even say. The instant he said that, he spun around quickly and headed for the door. Vienna didn't follow him or try to stop him and she didn't even flinch once Kendall slammed the door way louder than it had to be. She returned to her original spot and continued to flip through the cookbook.

Kendall on the other hand wasn't as cool, calm, and collective as Vienna was. He stood outside of Vienna's home, the cold air hitting his skin and the wind blowing his hair. He wanted to bury himself into the ground and cry his life away but he tried his hardest to compose himself at least to get back to his house. So that's what he did. He knew his mom was at work and his sister was at school, so he wouldn't have to deal with them right away. He had time to get to his house before school was over, obviously, so he made his way back to his house.

Once he got home, he was alone. He was lonely, sad, and angry. He had nothing to do with himself what-so-ever, so he decided to take a long shower to pass time. The hot water steamed as it landed on Kendall's naked body. He only stood there, not bothering to put soap on himself yet. He aloud the water to make direct contact right away, it burned being it was set to the hottest, but he just didn't care. His eyes were closed and his breathing was hitched. He couldn't help but just remember the last time he saw Emily; and how terrible that last time was.

"_Where the fuck are you?" Kendall yelled into the phone, walking down a block that consisted of little kids riding on bikes. _

_The summer sun beat down on everyone and it was a surprisingly hot day for Minnesota. It was practically the last day of July, the 25th of July to be exact, and Kendall walked down a block in Sherwood, yelling frantically into the phone at his girl friend, Emily._

"_Don't give me an attitude, Kendall! You don't need to know where I am!" Emily yelled back, causing Kendall to huff and puff unintentionally. _

"_Just tell me where the fuck you are because I'm not doing this fighting shit over the phone." He responded angrily; the tone being very foreign to him at the time._

"_I see you, Kendall. I'm down the block… I'm coming now." She responded with the same angry tone, but a bit softer then her yelling before._

_Kendall hung up the phone and turned around to see Emily walking down the block across the street. He stood there, not making any sudden move for her. They had been fighting for an hour to be exact, over plenty of angry text messages, and that one conversation. Emily was mad that Kendall had chosen to hangout with Logan, James, Carlos, and the rest of the hockey team; rather than hanging out with her and ignoring her calls unintentionally. Kendall was mad that he found out Emily was hanging out alone with an ex-boyfriend, not doing anything wrong of course. It was a pointless, useless fight; but they always tended to have them._

_She stood across the street, refusing to cross to Kendall's side. And Kendall, being the hardheaded guy that he was, refused as well. They looked so foolish, so immature; fighting from across the street. But it didn't matter to them._

"_Come here." Kendall demanded, glaring coldly at her._

_She shook her head in disbelief, "No, you come here!" She responded._

"_Just grow up, Em! You cause stupid fights over stupid shit. All the time!" He yelled, obviously fed up with the fighting._

"_You're just an asshole, Kendall! It's like you do all this shit on purpose!" She yelled back, obviously fed up with the fighting as well._

"_You're such a bitch, Emily. It's not normal for a relationship to have this many fights!" He responded coldly._

"_I hate you Kendall! This is your entire fault!" She screams, throwing her hands in his direction._

"_"No, Emily, this is your fault! You cause me nothing but pain lately!" Kendall yells back with all the emotion he could. _

_"I cause all the pain?" She yells, "You really think that," She begins to walk across the street in order to finish her sentence, but something happens that completely blows Kendall away. _

_The black van carelessly runs her over, sending her flying into the air; along with Kendall's heart. The van left, not bothering to come back and see if the girl they just brutally ran over was okay. Kendall didn't know what to do. He ran up to her and shook her intensely, begging for her to open her eyes. There was cuts on her and bruises already starting to form. _

_"Emily, wake up! Please Emily, wake up!" He begs, still continuously shaking her._

_But he gets no response._

He opened his eyes and looked at his surroundings, reminding himself that he was home in his shower. His whole entire body was shaking from the memory and he washed himself quickly before getting out and crawling into his bed.

He stared at his ceiling in his silent, empty room. The only thing that could be heard was his hitched breaths and his heart, beating quickly in his chest. At that moment, Emily wasn't the main focus on his mind. Vienna was. Why did she have that affect on him? That affect that every little thing she does, irritates him. He couldn't stand anything about her being. Everything she said, her smart comments and her sarcastic remarks made Kendall want to flip. She had a way of being right, even when she was wrong. She didn't care about anyone else's thoughts and she seemed to always be in charge. Kendall didn't understand why he was allowing her to get to him like that. _He _was the one who was supposed to get to people. Not the other way around. He could just see her smirk in his mind. Her full lips, twitching up into a smile and her turquoise eyes glistening as she did so. Kendall felt a smile creeping up on his own face, but he automatically stopped it from fully being there. What was he doing? It didn't matter how perfect Vienna seemed. It couldn't.

Hours must have passed and he didn't make one move from his bed. School had just ended so Katie must have been getting picked up by Mrs. Knight who just left work. He still remained in his bed when his phone began vibrating. He looked at the ground, seeing it laying there and leaned over to pick it up.

_Logan._

"Hello?" Kendall asked into the phone.

"Kendall, where were you today? I saw you in the morning, but you left?" Logan asked; the sound of cars driving being heard in the background.

"I cut the rest of the day." He responded, sitting up and fluffing his pillow with his free hand.

"You do know that eleventh grade is a huge deal, right?" Logan asked, concern and worry being heard automatically.

Logan was right. Eleventh grade is a huge deal for high school students, and it seemed as if Kendall was just throwing that away.

"I know." He responded, "I most likely won't be doing that anymore."

"Where are you now?" Logan asked, trying his hardest to not to just beg Kendall to get better.

"Home," He responded, "In bed."

"You cut class alone?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows although Kendall couldn't see him.

"Nope," He cringed. "Not alone."

That took Logan by surprise, "Really? With who?" He asked, trying to remember what familiar face he _didn't _see today.

"Vienna," He said. "Vienna Chambers."

Kendall could practically imagine Logan's eyes widen at the sound of the name. It was a surprise because he barely hung out with any of his best friends or family, but he was able to cut class with the very strange new girl?

"Wow, that's different." Logan bluntly stated. "What made that happen?"

"I don't know, I guess she just asked me to come along with her and I was like whatever, sure." Kendall responded, trying to sound the least bit of content. Kendall heard the front door open then close, and two very familiar female voices conversing.

"I gotta go though, my mom just got home and I know she's gonna wanna talk to me." Kendall added, completely lying. He didn't care if his mom needed to talk to him or not. He just didn't want to talk on the phone anymore.

"Oh, alright bro. I'll talk to you later." Logan responded.

It was only an exact minute after Kendall hung up that Mrs. Knight came walking up the stairs and walking into Kendall's room.

"Kendall, what did I tell you?" She angrily asked, eyeing her son lying carelessly in bed.

"I don't know, mom. What did you tell me?" Kendall asked coldly, not even bothering to look at her.

"The school called," She began. "It wasn't only one class, Kendall! You cut 3rd to 9th period? Why, Kendall? Why?"

"Because that school fucking sucks." He mumbled, still keeping his eyes on the ceiling.

"Watch what you say to me Kendall!" She yelled, "Eleventh grade–"

"Is a big deal," Kendall interrupted before she could finish. "I know, I know."

Mrs. Knight stared at him coldly, her heart pounding in her chest and the feeling of giving up slowly approaching.

"You need serious, serious help." She calmly stated, shaking her head in disbelief then leaving his room; slamming the door on her way out.

Kendall then finally decided to break his stare with the ceiling to look at his now closed door. He could hear Katie asking her what's wrong and if she was okay, but he ignored the response. He sighed heavily and shut his eyes.

"I know I do." He whispered to himself.


	5. five

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews, darlings! Onward. :] Keep those lovely reviews coming. :3 **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Kendall would have done _anything _to not have to go to school. He woke up, not even remembering falling asleep, and automatically let out an inaudible groan. He was obviously going to be late; it being a half hour later then he usually wakes up. He was surprised his mother didn't wake him up, where was she? He dragged himself out of bed and down the stairs to find an empty house. He pondered the thought of just staying home today but he went against it because Logan's words replayed in his mind. _Eleventh grade is a big deal. _

So after eating an apple and getting ready quickly, he rushed his way to school and made it with no minutes to spare. Without going to his locker, he walked through the empty hallways to get to his first period class. Opening the door, everyone's head turned toward him automatically and Mr. Levine raised an eyebrow at him. Telling him to take a seat and get to work, Kendall obeyed and went to sit down. There, Vienna sat peacefully. Her striking eyes not even bothering to give Kendall a glance and her soft hands twirling a pen; he couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking. But at the same time, he felt a rush of hatred overcome him. He couldn't stand anything about Vienna.

The class sat quietly working on their papers, but Kendall obviously had no interest on working on it today. He rested his back against the cold seat and dazed off, glancing at the clock every now and then. It was only 15 minutes before Vienna decided to be her stubborn self. Kendall felt her feet plop heavily down on the basket attached to his desk and only a few moments later, his desk began to shake. She was obviously tapping her foot on the basket and it couldn't have gotten Kendall any angrier. He let out an annoyed sigh and turned around. He glared at Vienna when she smiled softly at him.

"What can I do for you, Kendall Knight?" She asked, eyeing him with a smirk.

Kendall squinted his eyes and scoffed, "You can stop kicking my desk. It's annoying."

She trapped her bottom lip between her teeth and looked as if she was thinking about something extremely important. "What if I don't?"

"Just stop." He growled. He couldn't stand her, he just couldn't. She irritated him to the fullest and everything she said or did would anger him. He really didn't know why.

"You know, you have a terrible, terrible attitude." She responded with a raised eyebrow and that same signature smirk of hers.

"You're just annoying." He bit back.

She chuckled, "Ouch." She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. "That wasn't very nice of you to walk out without saying goodbye yesterday by the way."

Kendall rolled his eyes, "Who said I was a very nice person?"

"No one." She shrugged. "Actually, I didn't hear much about you since I got here… Why's that? Is there a reason you're blocking everyone out?" She asked, cutting deep into Kendall's mind.

Kendall gave her the dirtiest of looks and turned around. He heard her softly laugh, but the kicking of the desk didn't return. Vienna reminded him of the type of people he just _hates. _

"One more thing," She whispered in his ear, "being terribly mean the way you are won't get you anywhere."

"Shut the fuck up." Kendall bit back a little too loudly, causing the whole class to automatically look at him.

"Mr. Knight, is there a problem?" Mr. Levine asked, eyeing Kendall suspiciously from his desk in the front.

Kendall let out a mumbled 'no' and glanced back at Vienna, who was sitting there with the most innocent face. She smiled at him when they locked eyes and Kendall shook his head and turned back around. The rest of the class was quiet and quick, to Kendall's surprise, but it was only first period. So when the bell rang, he dragged himself to his second period class.

"Hey Kendall," Kendall was startled by the soft voice and he turned around to see Gina Reinhart, best friend of Emily's, standing beside him. "I… I haven't really spoken to you lately. How have you been?"

Kendall was definitely confused on why Gina was talking to him. The two were extremely close because of Emily, but since Emily's gone… what's the point? But Kendall composed himself to respond. "Alright. What about you?"

Gina sat down in James' unoccupied seat and smiled when realizing Kendall was actually okay with talking to her. "Same, keeping myself together, you know?" She responded. Emily's death was just as hard on Gina as it was on Kendall, if not worse. Gina and Emily were best friends for _years _but of course Kendall couldn't control how he felt.

"Yup," He responded, a popping sound being made at the end of the word. "How's your brother?" He asked, trying to break the awkward silence that occurred. Gina's brother had gone through a tough year, battling leukemia. He was only six and of course it is frightening.

"So much better, thankfully. He finished his last chemo last week so things can only go uphill from here." She smiled. Gina is a pretty girl. She wasn't flawless, like (even though Kendall would hate to admit it) Vienna, but she was definitely likable. Her dark blonde, always pin straight hair stopped a little beneath her shoulders and she had eyes similar to James' hazel ones. All of her features are soft.

James then approached the two with a large smile, "What's up, guys?"

"I was just leaving," Gina smiled. "It was nice talking to you Kendall… Bye James." She blushed.

James plopped down on his seat beside Kendall and smirked at him. "What's up, Kendall?" Kendall only shrugged in return before being able to say anything.

The whole class was talking. Loudly. Ms. Walsh went to the front of the class with an obvious angered look. "Everyone, quiet now!" She yelled angrily. No one really seemed to listen. Or care for that matter. She obviously had enough and yelled out, "Everyone up. We're changing seats."

Every student groaned at that, obviously going to be seated away from their friends. "Alphabetical order." Ms. Walsh stated. "First row: Kathleen Addams, Brian Andrews, Michael Bitteto, Vienna Chambers, James Diamond."

"Score!" James whispered to Kendall's direction, obviously talking about being seated behind Vienna. He winked at Kendall before strolling over to Vienna; flashing an award winning smile and sitting behind her.

Kendall rolled his eyes and ignored the rest of the seating until it was his turn. He had to sit in between Marisol Kneed and Jacob Lama; two people he barely knew. After all the seating was accomplished, Ms. Walsh began to write useless notes on the board. The class was silent for the most part, that is until Kendall couldn't help but glance over to match the whispers with the faces. James and Vienna. She sat back carelessly in her seat, arms crossed and eyes focused on really nothing while James was leaning over in his seat so that his face was almost aligned with hers and he was whispering something with a large smile on his face. She laughed at something he said and Kendall felt himself tense up.

_Pause. _

Why was he getting mad? He hated Vienna; it didn't matter if James flirted with her. It didn't matter if Vienna was falling for the James Diamond charm. Who didn't fall for his charm anyways? He is James Diamond. When he wants a girl, he gets her. Right? But it didn't matter. Kendall didn't care. He couldn't care.

He glanced away for a second but only to glance back when he heard her voice way clearer. He was still unsure with what was being said, but it was obvious it was her talking now. He looked over and almost immediately, Vienna's turquoise eyes locked with Kendall's. She raised an eyebrow at him before turning around to face James, placing her hand on the desk so close to James' that their skin was practically touching. Again, Kendall tensed up.

He couldn't care.

Kendall looked away, actually attempting at paying attention to the notes on the board; but miserably failing when all that could cloud his mind was the whispers and giggles coming from only a few rows away. As soon as the bell rang, he jumped out of his seat and quickly left the class so that he didn't need to have any contact with Vienna and even James for that matter.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, luckily not having to see Vienna and James together again. Lunch came and Kendall sat at his usual table, with his usual friends; but only this time his focus wasn't on his table. It was on Vienna. She sat at the same place she sat the first day of school, but this time she was talking to Kevin Moore, also known as the biggest stoner of the grade. They were too far away and the lunch room was to noisy for Kendall to have the slightest ideas of what they were talking about, but they were obviously in deep conversation. The way her hands moved with everything she said and her hair slightly bounced with every move she made. It was only five more minutes until both Vienna and Kevin were walking out the back doors, making sure a teacher wasn't looking when they made their escape.

"Dude?" Carlos waved his hand in Kendall's face. "Hello! Earth to Kendall!"

Kendall's eyes snapped to Carlos and he smiled a short, unreal smile. "Sorry, what?"

"Are you alive?" Carlos asked with a mouthful of food. "You never chill with us anymore."

Kendall did feel bad. Carlos, Logan, and James are his best friends and it definitely came as a shock when Kendall just blocked them out. "We will this weekend." He reassured him.

"Awesome!" Carlos exclaimed, getting back to the other conversations.

There was only two minutes left of the lunch period and that's when Vienna and Kevin came strolling in as if they never left. The bell rang and the two parted their ways as everyone crowded the hallways.

The rest of the day went by at a normal speed, nothing major really happening. The second the bell rang, though, Kendall was practically out the door – wanting nothing more than to just be out of that school. So, that he did. And as he made his way into the chilly afternoon, about to walk home alone, someone approached his side.

"Hi again," Gina Reinhart. She giggled and pushed a strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

Kendall and Gina's history isn't anything important or special for that matter. They had the same group of friends and would always hangout, but other than that – nothing really much would occur between the two.

"Hey," Kendall forced a smile as he continued to walk off the school grounds.

"Need someone to walk with?" She asked, nervousness dripping off her voice. She was always a little coy compared to everyone else in the group.

Kendall truly wanted to be alone, but being with someone – preferably not Vienna – wasn't bad. It was actually sort of comforting. "Sure," He responded.

Then there was silence for a few moments until Kendall spoke again. "You don't have cheerleading?" He asked, glancing over and noticing that she was pulling at the ends of her hair.

"Nope," She stated. "I quit the team."

Kendall's knitted his eyebrows in confusion. "What? Why?" He asked. Gina was always one of the best cheerleaders as well, and it definitely came as a surprise to him to find out she wasn't even on the team anymore.

She shrugged, "Me and Emily tried out together. It was sort of our thing. Without her here, there's really no point." She responded lowly. "Besides, the squad isn't a squad without the captain."

Kendall sighed. "You're like a really good cheerleader though. That shouldn't make you quit."

She quietly laughed. "I barely like the other girls, anyways." Then her face straightened out and it gave off almost a pained look. "You changed a lot, Kendall…" She lowly stated.

He glanced over at her, confused on what she was even getting at. "W-What?" He asked.

"I found my digital camera the other night, shoved deep into my closet." She began. "So I plugged it into my laptop and so many pictures and videos came up. And there was one night that had _so _many. It was the last day of school, the night of it. We were all at James' house and there's a specific video that had me laughing and literally crying as well."

She paused for a moment to recollect herself before quickly glancing at Kendall and speaking again. "You're telling me – well the camera – a story. I don't remember it word for word but you had _everyone _laughing. When I say everyone, I mean… everyone. And you were smiling so much and laughing. You looked so happy, so… what's the word I'm looking for? Okay? Content? I don't know… I think just plain out happy."

There was another moment of silence; the only sound was the cars driving by and the wind. "Are you not happy at all? Are you even okay?" She asked, practically stabbing through his heart with a knife.

Kendall nodded. "Sure." He lied completely, deciding to not say anything at all.

"I know you miss Emily," She said. "I miss her a lot too… but I also know she doesn't want us to mourn."

Kendall nodded. She was right, but for some reason he couldn't believe it. "This is my block though, thanks for walking with me. It gets lonely walking alone everyday and just having you walk with me today was really nice. See you around." And then she walked down the block.

Kendall sighed and walked to his house, finally arriving and noticing his mother and sister were already home. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him before making his way into the kitchen, where Mrs. Knight stood over the stove and Katie sat at the table. No one said anything to him and he used that as an advantage to go upstairs without any interruptions.

He sat at his desk and began to do homework that seemed to be the only thing to keep his mind in the right state. _I know you miss Emily. _Gina's words replayed in his mind and he tried to process them. Did he even truly miss her? The relationship that Kendall and Emily had was practically upsetting. They started off so wonderfully, constant date nights and everyone noticing how adorable the two really were. But then of course, like 95% of high school relationships, it began to go downhill. The fights the two would have were almost unreal. They were in tenth grade and sixteen years old; it was sickening how their fights seemed like adulthood relationships. Every little thing that would happen would get each other so mad and cause them to fight, even if there wasn't a legit reason. The way he feels about Emily now is definitely different then the way everyone else believes he feels. People believe he's heartbroken because he's in complete love with her. But to Kendall, it's more than that. Hell, he wouldn't even say he was in love with her. It was the fact that the last time they had ever spoken was the fight and he will always blame himself for the death because if he was mature enough to cross the street in the beginning, she would never have had to.

It's not that he wants her as a girlfriend; it's not even that he wants her as a friend. It doesn't matter _what _she is to him, it's just the fact that he wants her to be alive. But unfortunately, she cannot be.

Kendall decided to eat dinner with his mother and sister tonight, actually finding the appetite to eat at all. Mrs. Knight and Katie were definitely surprised that Kendall decided to join them, but they didn't say anything regarding that. They actually didn't say anything at all. The table was silent and the only thing heard was the forks and knifes clinking against their dishes, and the occasional 'could you pass me this?' But as soon as dinner was over, so was the company they shared. They all went their separate ways.

After a long shower and the attempt to finish up his homework, Kendall climbed into his bed and stared at the ceiling until he fell into a deep sleep. Hours went by. Long, dark hours. Kendall was actually sleeping peacefully for the first time in what seems like forever. That is, until there was a noise that caused him to wake up. He automatically glanced at the clock which read 2:52. Then he heard the noise again and it was like someone was knocking at his window. He got out of bed, in only his gray sweats and no shirt, and made his way to his window. When he pulled the curtains to the side, he held back a loud, frightening scream that was threatening to come out. He put his hand over his heart and took an extremely deep breath before opening the window.

"What the hell are you doing?" He called out.

There, in the house-sized tree, sat Vienna Chambers.

"God, I've been out here for 20 minutes trying to wake you up." She scoffed, repositioning herself on the branch of the tree.

Kendall looked down and got nauseas just imagining her falling. His room was pretty high up and it must have taken a lot to actually get up here. It was extremely cold out and Vienna looked freezing.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He repeated, completely stunned.

"Just chilling in a tree," She responded. "Don't you know that the cool kids do that these days?" She smirked.

Kendall scrunched his face in the most confusion he's been in a while.

"Are you going to invite me in or are we gonna have small talk through the window?" She asked, batting her long eyelashes over her striking turquoise eyes.

He was absolutely speechless, so he reached his hand out for her to grab. Luckily, the tree was only inches away from the window, so he grabbed her tiny waist and placed her on the floor in front of him. She wore only a neon blue sweatshirt, that made her eyes pop completely, and short black shorts along with socks that came up to under her knees and black vans. He eyed her outfit and chuckled in disbelief.

"You couldn't have worn something – I don't know, less attention grabbing if you were going to break into my house?" He asked, shaking his head in complete disbelief and confusion.

She closed his window for him, obviously being shaken up from the cold air, and sat on the ledge. "Technically, I didn't break in. You let me in."

"Vienna, what the hell are you doing here?" Kendall asked, pulling a shirt out of his drawer and pulling it over his head.

"You didn't have to put that on," She smirked, pointing at his shirt. "And I'm here because I was bored at home." She shrugged.

Kendall was still confused, mostly surprised. "How do you even know where I live?" He asked.

"That doesn't matter!" She exclaimed, getting up off the ledge and plopping herself onto his bed. "What does matter is what I'm _really _here for." She smiled.

"Keep it down, my family is sleeping." He lowly responded.

She nodded and saluted him, "Yes sir!" She giggled. "Anyways, you seemed sort of stressed so I thought I'd help you relieve some…"

Kendall's eyes widened, his mind automatically going to sex, but she smirked and said, "I'm not gonna fuck you." She chuckled. "But, I have this…" She said, pulling a small plastic bag out of her bra. It was small and was filled almost to the top with weed.

Kendall had smoked before, but it was last year and once. It didn't even get him high, being it was his first time, and he never had interest in doing it again.

"I mean, if you want me to fuck you then I could save this for another day." She shrugged.

Kendall eyes widened once again and he looked at her with disbelief. "I'm _kidding_," She chuckled. "Loosen up." She motioned him to sit next to her and for some strange reason he did. The bed bounced as he threw himself down onto it and she pulled a bowl that had Hello Kitty on it out of her pocket. Kendall automatically chuckled, surprising himself with his own laughter.

"Really?" He asked, pointing to the bowl.

"It's sexy." She smirked, as she began to pack the weed into the bowl.

Once she was finished, she placed the still half full, small bag on the bed beside her and turned to face Kendall. She pulled a lighter out of her bra and stood up. "Your room is gonna reek of it, we should open the window." So that she did, allowing the cold air to make its way into Kendall's room.

Then she sat back down next to Kendall and held the lighter to the bowl. She took a long pull out of it and held it for what seems like forever before she slowly let the smoke leave her mouth in ringlets. The room automatically smelt of weed and Kendall examined Vienna as she did it without any trouble. She took notice to his examining so she smirked and said, "Here, you hold it and I'll light it for you."

So that she did, and when Kendall took the first pull he practically choked up a lung. "Try again," She chuckled, holding the lighter up again. Kendall put his hand up, "Give me a second."

She shrugged and put the bowl to her mouth and took another perfect hit, ringlets of smoke leaving her mouth again. She smiled a winning smile at him and put the bowl in front of his face. He grabbed it and allowed Vienna to light it again. This time, there was only a small cough _after _allowing the smoke to fill his lungs.

A half hour went by and the whole bag was completely finished. Kendall's room, and probably the rest of the house, reeked of weed but Kendall just didn't care. He was completely oblivious to anything at this point, as Vienna, and the two of them felt in an amazing state of mind. Vienna stood up and walked over to the window. She placed her hands on the ledge and gasped, causing Kendall to look over at her.

"Someone's watching us," She whispered, letting out a giggle that made Kendall smirk.

He remained on the bed, tracing circles on his comforter. "Who?" He chuckled.

She pointed across the street, "From that house! They're watching us!"

Kendall stood up and walked over to her. "Where – oh shit!" He exclaimed, clasping his hand over his mouth. "Wait…" He laughed. "That's a Halloween decoration."

Then he laughed some more.

And Vienna laughed.

And then they laughed even more.

Kendall walked back over to his bed and threw his practically lifeless body on top. Vienna followed his lead and plopped herself next to him. Their arms were touching and they were both staring up to the ceiling. It was dark in the room besides the moon and streetlights from outside.

"Did you know that sexual acts lead to weight loss?" She asked. "The average human loses 26 calories when kissing for a minute. Furthermore, vigorous sex for half an hour burns 150 calories."

"You have no shame, do you?" Kendall chuckled.

"We don't have enough time in life to have any shame." She shrugged, the fabric of her sweatshirt sliding against Kendall's skin.

He shivered at the touch and Vienna turned over to lie on her stomach. She looked at him, smirked, and then began to laugh. Then Kendall began to laugh. And again, they laughed together.

After a while, Vienna stood up and stretched her torso. She put the bowl back in her pocket and the bag and lighter back into her bra. "I should be on my way," She smirked. "It was nice bonding with you Kendall Knight. And if you go back to hating me tomorrow, I'll understand."

Kendall stood up as well, looking at the way her turquoise eyes glistened and her long brown hair fell in loose curls. He glanced at the clock which read 4:02 and cringed, realizing he has to wake up in two hours. Vienna flung her legs out the window and turned back to look at Kendall, "I'll see you tomorrow." And with that she was out the window and on the tree, climbing down it quicker than Kendall could ever imagine her doing. He was still very much high and wasn't able to focus much on one thing, but he made himself able to quietly walk into the bathroom, grab the Lysol, and spray his room and the hallway.

He closed his window and crawled back into his bed, Vienna's scent of weed and cherry blossom body spray automatically making its way off the comforter and into his system. He pulled his shirt off and threw it onto the floor carelessly, before closing his eyes and folding his hands on top of his bare chest.

_And if you go back to hating me tomorrow, I'll understand. _

Her words – her soft voice – replayed in his mind. He didn't know what it was and why, but he felt as if when he walked into his English class tomorrow morning, the way he felt tonight is going to be long gone.

What was it about Vienna Chambers that made him so full of adrenaline, but irritation at the same time?


	6. six

**A/N: Not much to say. Only, updates **_**still **_**depend on the reviews I get because this takes time out of my day and if I don't get a lot of reviews then there's no point in updating, you know? So if you like this story but you haven't reviewed, reviews are lovely and will keep this story going. :]**

**Btw, I added a picture of what I imagine Vienna to look like. It's on my profile **_**but **_**the picture might change because I don't know if I'm too happy with the picture. I mean, the girl is beautiful, but I'm not sure… Let me know your thoughts on that, please. And if you come across any pictures that could relate to how I described her, let me know please. :]**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

Whatever Vienna had said the night before was 100% correct. The fact that Kendall walked down the hallway to his first period classroom to find Vienna and James leaning up against the lockers closest to the classroom was enough to bring him to hate her again. James' back was toward his direction but he could clearly see Vienna and the smile that was placed onto her face. Kendall felt his pace slow down and he just watched them, Vienna more than James, and how she began to speak, moving her hands with each word that escaped her mouth. Her blue eyes still sparkled in such a dull hallway light. Her brown curls fell loosely in front of her and she looked so comfortable in this terrible school. The second bell was about to ring as soon as Kendall approached the class room and it came to a surprise when James wrapped his arms around Vienna's small frame, hugging her then turning around.

"Oh, Kendall!"

James walked up to Kendall and gave him a manly hand shake, but Kendall couldn't help but glare at Vienna who stood behind him. She batted her long eyelashes, shrugged slightly, and walked into the class with that same, irritating, but absolutely stunning signature smirk of hers. Kendall could feel himself heating up but he tried his best to compose himself. The bell rang and James was saying goodbye when Mr. Levine poked his head out from the door's frame.

"Let's go Kendall, no more being late."

So with that, Kendall walked inside the class and took his seat in front of Vienna after glaring at her, once again. Last night, it seemed like Vienna was a total different person. It was annoying to Kendall how she could do just one small thing; like talk to his friend, and it could set him off completely. He wanted other people to see how irritating and stubborn this one girl could be, but all the guys see is how strikingly beautiful she is. Students around the school were a little unsure of her, though. She was very bluntly honest and her sarcasm was always on full use. The girls didn't like her and the guys only liked her for her looks. Kendall of course knew that she was great looking, but her personality threw him off to an extreme, to the point where he couldn't even look at her without feeling his blood boil.

He could hear Vienna clicking her pen from behind him and Mr. Levine began to give some type of speech on the research papers that they were working on. He tried to not pay attention to either but the clicking really aggravated him, causing him to begin absent mindedly tapping the desk with his knuckles. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he pulled it out, hiding it behind the student in front of him, and unlocked it. He slid the screen down until he reached his texts messages. _James Diamond. _

**Yo, you have this class with Vienna? **

Kendall cringed. He knew exactly where this was going. Exactly.

_Yeah._

It only took a minute or two for James to respond.

**Do you like sit near her?**

He wanted to lie, tell him 'nope, on the other side of the classroom.' But it was possible James could glance in the classroom just to find Vienna sitting directly behind him.

_Yeah._

He knew his answers were one worded and simple, almost cold, but he really didn't care.

**Awesome! Tell her that I need her number asap, text me it once you get it.**

He couldn't help but give his phone a dirty look. Kendall loves James. They've been best friends for _years _and any fights they ever had lasted barely over an hour. They've been through the best and worst times together. Kendall loves James, but he also knows his motives. James doesn't care enough about girls to take the time to understand their feelings. All James ever looks for is a good fuck, and when it comes down to it, he easily gets it. And Kendall knows that's all he wants from Vienna. He shouldn't care. He _couldn't _care. He doesn't care. But for some reason, it's completely tearing him up as he slowly turns his body around to face Vienna. Why should James get her number? Was Vienna getting high with him at three o'clock in the morning after climbing up a tall tree into his bedroom? But it shouldn't matter.

She locked eyes with him once his body was turned around completely. Kendall took a deep breath and mentally slapped himself for taking so long to speak. "James wants your number."

She raised an eyebrow at him, "James…?"

"Diamond…?"

She smirked, "Oh, right." She gave her number and Kendall typed it into his phone with shaky hands. The second that send button was pressed, he immediately regretted turning around and asking her. He heavily blinked, locking his phone, and leaning back in his desk. It only took about three minutes for him to hear Vienna's phone vibrate on the desk behind him. He bit his bottom lip, holding back the groan that was threatening to escape, and he listened as Vienna typed away into the phone.

It was like that for the rest of the class. _Vibrate. _Silence. _Type. _Silence. _Vibrate. _Silence. _Type. _Silence. _Vibrate. _Silence. _Type. _Silence. Every single time he heard the buzzing of the phone, he wanted to turn around and slam it onto the ground, watching as any conversation the two were having slowly disappeared into the cracks of the phone. But of course he didn't do that and once the bell rang, he was quick to jump out of his seat.

Second period wasn't any better.

The whispering and giggles between Vienna and James annoyed him, but what annoyed him more was the fact that he had no idea what they were whispering and giggling about. There was an uncountable amount of times Kendall had to mentally tell himself to _not _look in their direction, fearing he would make eye contact with either of them. He literally couldn't deal with it for another half hour, he just couldn't. So he rested his head on top of his arms which were folded on his desk and closed his eyes, drifting into a sleep.

"_Kendall, you're not being good." _

_The dark eyes stared at Kendall. He sat in the middle of an empty field, nothing but him and a whole load of green grass underneath him. Emily stood there, her arms crossed over her chest, and in a black dress that came down to her ankles. Her finger nails were painted light pink and she had light, light makeup on. She wore pearls in her ears and a matching ring. Her hair was pin straight and down, nothing else being done to it. _

"_What do you mean?" His own voice cooed._

_She walked closer to him but it was like as she walked, his seat on the grass began to seem further away from her._

"_It's like you never even cared."_

_His heart pounded. _

"_I did care, Emily." He says._

"_It's like you never even cared." _

"_I did care!" _

"_Why didn't you care?" Blood begins to drip from her face, arms, and legs while bruises are forming on her face._

"_I did care!" He shouts again. He wants to get up and run up to her but he can't. He tries so hard but he physically can't. _

_She falls to the floor. "You're supposed to care."_

"I do care!" He shouts.

His heart is pounding rapidly, his palms are sweating, and his body is heated up. His head pops up and his math classroom has 23 pairs of eyes staring right at him, including Ms. Walsh. He feels his face immediately flush and his breathing is completely hitched.

"Kendall… is there something wrong?" Ms. Walsh asks.

But Kendall could barely hear her. The only sound he could completely make out is the pounding of his heart. He shuts his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "Can I be excused?" He asks in a shaky, frightened voice.

Ms. Walsh held the pass up and Kendall rose to his feet, quickly walking up to the front with legs that feel like jelly. He rushes out of the silent classroom, all eyes on him, but he can't help but look back and notice something strange. Vienna. She watches him. And he expected a smirk, a sarcastic, stubborn smirk that she would always give him. But no. The only thing he got was those striking eyes, staring at him. Her face was almost sympathetic, mixed with confusion and thought. But he tore his eyes away from hers and rushed to the bathroom down the hall. The instant he got into the bathroom, that's when it occurred. His vision blurred, his heart still rapidly pounded, and he allowed his body to lean against the cold tiled walls. He pushed his palms into his eyes and instantly felt his tears.

He took his phone out of his pocket. There was a text from James, but he doesn't even bother to read it. Instead, he goes to his contacts and scrolls through the names until he reaches the H's. _Hanna. _As much as he hated therapy and it really didn't help at all, she seemed to be his _last _hope.

"Hanna Mason, who's calling?"

"Hanna, its Kendall." He breathed into the phone nervously, but anxiously.

"Kendall?" She sounded confused. "What are you calling for? Shouldn't you be in school?

"I am," He responds. "But… I really, really need to talk."

He could hear her shuffling with papers, possibly writing something, and then she says, "Come right after school. I can push an appointment only a half hour, so you can stay for about 20 minutes. Is that okay?"

He sighs. "I- I'll be there."

"Remember, Kendall, you are so strong."

When they hang up, he leaves the bathroom and begins to walk back to his class. He opens the text from James before approaching the class.

**Everything will be okay, dude. **

He doesn't answer but he feels a feeling of contentment. He knew his friends cared about him.

He walks into the class and places the pass on the teacher's desk. He sits in his seat and he could feel everyone glancing at him every few moments and as much as he tries to not make it bother him, it does. But only a few moments later, the bell rings and he's sure to be the last one out of the class. Once everyone walked out, he then took it as his time to stand up and leave. Unfortunately, James was waiting out there for him.

"Hey," James places a hand on Kendall's shoulder. "You good?"

No.

"Yeah."

"Is there anything you need to like," He pauses for a moment. "talk about?"

Yes.

"No, I'm okay."

"What happened in there?" He asks as they walk down the hallway together.

Being taunted by a girl who's dead.

"Nothing really, just a freaky dream."

Then the conversation ends because James knows he's lying. Kendall knows he's lying too. Clearly, he's a liar.

The rest of the day drags and he doesn't go to lunch. Instead, he and Logan take a walk to Dunkin Donuts and back. Luckily, Logan is rambling on about some college that is already talking to him; so he doesn't have to talk about anything Emily related.

The day ends and he rushes to leave the school and make his way to Hanna, the one person who he actually wants to see right now. When he finally arrives, he rushes to her very familiar office and walks in without even knocking.

"Kendall," She says, looking up from the laptop in front of her. "I'm glad you came."

She shuts the laptop and motions him to close the door. He did that, and sat down in his usual seat. "Howyou're your day?" She asks, with a content smile.

"It wasn't good." He mumbles.

"Tell me Kendall," She leans over her desk. "What made you call me today? What was it?"

"A dream I had."

She nods, "Okay, when did you have this dream and what happened in it?"

He went on by telling her the exact dream, word for word, the setting, and every little detail. "The clothes she wore," He tells her. "It's what she was buried in."

Hanna nods again. "Kendall, a dream is all of your thoughts bottled up into one, realistic or not, event." She begins. "Seeing someone who passed, whether it's a relative, friend, or significant other, it could mean a few things. It could simply indicate that you miss them, but it could also mean that your dreams are your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss. But with how you said that she was saying things along the lines of you not caring, that could be your own guilt. Kendall, you think that because Emily passed away, that you're not supposed to live your life anymore. You think that if you smile, or laugh, or have the smallest bit of fun, you're going against her."

"It almost feels like I'm betraying her." Kendall mumbles.

"I know it may seem that way but Kendall, it's not true. Her death should have opened up so many options to you, but instead they closed them all. You can't let this bombard your life. You're so young and you have so much to look forward to. You're aloud to miss her. You're aloud to wish she was still here. But you just can't let it take over your life. You deserve to be happy, Kendall. You weren't that drunk driver. You were her boyfriend."

Kendall cries. He bows his head and cries. Hanna was right. Everything she said was right and Kendall even knew it. But he just _couldn't _come to the realization that he needed to try to be happy. Every time he's about to, it's like Emily still sits in the back of his head. _It's like you never even cared. _He cared.

He walks out of her office after a quick, "No more falling asleep in school either, Kendall." And makes his way back home, the one place where he could drown himself in his sorrows and not have anyone bother him about it.

The walk home was long. Mrs. Knight would usually drive him to therapy, so it wasn't that bad, but the fact that it was now 5 and the sun was beginning to set, it was much cooler. The weather oddly made Kendall hurt even more. Although Emily's death was during the hottest month of the year, it's not Emily that makes the cold weather upset him. It's the idea of it. Summer to fall is such a drastic change and it upsets him that he's not changing with it. While the leaves are falling, he should be getting up. But instead, it's like he continues to fall with those leaves as they hit the ground and get stepped on, carelessly.

When finally getting home, he walked into the house to see his mother and Katie sitting on the couch. Their eyes were glued to the television set in front of them, Dr. Phil interviewing a few random people, but once the door opened the two females looked his way. They didn't smile at him or greet him hello, and it hurt Kendall. But when it came down to it, it was his fault. He obviously took all of his emotional stress out on them, being he's around them the most, and he can't take back the things he's done. Or hasn't done, for that matter.

He took it upon himself to mumble a quick 'hi' and rush upstairs. Everyday for him held the same routine. School, home, shower, eat, homework (or at least attempt to), sleep. If you want to throw in the random visit from Vienna and therapy sessions on Saturday's, that's really all his life has been consisting of lately. Before Emily's death, he didn't have a routine. There were days where he had hockey, then days where he would hangout with the guys, or go to Emily's, or have Emily by his house, but now… now it's different.

So, as always, after a long shower and a quick, usual silent, dinner, he went upstairs and buried his face inside his textbooks. But of course, as always, he never gets anything done. It's 11 PM now and he really doesn't have any other reason to be awake, so he climbs into bed in hopes that when he wakes up… he's happy.

The peaceful sleep he was enduring didn't last long though. It was 2 AM when the very familiar sound from last night, the banging on the window, occurred again. "You have to be kidding me." He mumbled to himself before dragging his heavy body out of bed. He wore no shirt, like the night before, and dark green sweatpants. He rubbed his eyes before opening the window and seeing no other then the only and only Vienna Chambers.

"Welcome back." He practically growls before opening the window, shaking his head in complete disbelief yet again.

She smirks, shrugging slightly, and says, "Why thank you," And she climbs into the window, placing her feet, which were covered with black moccasins, on the floor. She took her hood off and flipped her hair over.

Kendall took this moment to _actually _look at her. Who the fuck is she? The more thought he put into her, the more confused he got. Why is this the second night in a row that Vienna Chambers climbed into his window? He doesn't understand her. What does she even want from him and why isn't she climbing into James' window, since their all buddy-buddy? It didn't make sense. None of it made sense.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, sitting back down on the bed.

She follows his lead and sits next to him. "I came here," She says "to take you to my house."

He gives the most confused look and she catches on immediately, "You don't like me during the day. You seem to only like me at night, therefore, vámonos."

He shakes his head, "You should just go." He was going to go with no questions or statements, but James popped in his mind. If you can talk, hug, and text with James then bring _him _with you_. _Why should he be used as her little toy of amusement when she's bored at 3 AM?

"What, why?" She asks, deepening her eyebrows.

Kendall really didn't care about holding anything back anymore. "Why don't you climb into James' window and ask him?" He asks. "It's obvious you guys like each other during school, what'll make it so different at 3 in the morning?"

She sighs and takes one of Kendall's hands in her own. "You're different."

Kendall gulps hard. His heart is pounding and he bites his bottom lip, with absolutely no words and no actions.

"James doesn't need me," She says, lacing her fingers between his. "No one in that school needs me." She takes a moment to breathe. "You… I think you need me."

That came as a complete and utter surprise to Kendall. The feeling that he was getting just from her small, cold fingers laced around his much bigger, warmer ones was something unexplainable. It was weird that he's never felt so comfortable _and _uncomfortable at the same time. But he also got angry. Kendall does _not _need Vienna. Why should he need her? She's nothing but a stubborn, blunt, sarcastic girl. What could she possibly do for him?

He pulled his hand away, his heart dropping at the loss, and glares at her. "What makes you think I need you?" He practically growls.

That's one thing about Kendall Knight that everyone, minus Vienna, knows. He's a leader. It's his thing. No matter what, Kendall always had first and last say on everything, was the team captain, and had everyone following him. He never used it to his advantage, of course, but if he really wanted to, he could. No matter how depressed he is, he doesn't need anyone; especially not Vienna. Right?

"It's not really much of a thought," She shrugs, "it sort of just came to me. I don't understand why you're so mean to me, did I do something wrong?"

Her words, they were convincing, but Kendall didn't except it. He couldn't. "It's not that I don't like you, you're aggravating." He mumbled.

"I'm not aggravating," She states. "You just don't like me. I know you don't like me." She turns her body so that she's facing him now and he stares right into her blue eyes. "I know why, too."

"Why?"

"Exactly."

His eyebrows knitted in confusion and he opened his mouth to speak, say something clever, but all he got out was, "Huh?"

She chuckled, "You said it's not that you don't like me. It _is _that."

"What are you doing here Vienna?" He asks, sighing and running his hands through his hair.

She looked at him with her blue eyes scanning over his bare chest. "What was I here for last night?"

"You got me high."

"Right," She smiles. "I figured we can go to my house tonight, since you've never seen my room."

He shakes his head, "You want me to come to your house at," He glances at the clock. "2 in the morning? You're absolutely crazy."

She smiles, "When else could I show you it? You don't like me when the suns out!"

He shakes his head again, "Why do you need me?" He asks. "Why don't you just bring James?"

"I don't _need _you," She scoffs. "I just like you."

It oddly hurt Kendall to hear that. He feels as if without Emily's death, hearing Vienna say that would make him ecstatic. But now, he just got a gut feeling; telling him he's wrong. Telling him he doesn't care. But he does care, truly, he does. But he doesn't believe Emily knows that. It just wasn't fair, when it came down to it.

He doesn't respond.

"And about me bringing James… what's the fun in that?" She asks, squinting her eyes at him. "Just because I'm _friendly _with him, doesn't mean I'm on his dick like all the other girls that clearly are. He's the first person to ask for my number since I been here, I'm obviously going to give it to him being I have zero friends."

"Am I your friend?"

She laughed. A real, not forced, laugh. "Is that a trick question?"

He shook his head and held back a smile at how stupid that question truly was.

"The last time I checked, friends aren't big douche bags to each other, ya know?" Her eyebrow was raised and _that _smirk was on her face.

"Next question," He says. "Why do you even like me?"

The question was honest. He only looked down on himself. What was so good about him?

"You're different." She states, the statement being the same as before. "You're different, while all the other guys are the same. You're so mean and cold and sad, but I know you have a big heart. But I also know you're scared. You're scared of using your heart because you don't want to get hurt again. I'm not saying I know how you feel," Her hand found it's way back to his and surprisingly he didn't let go. "But I do know it must suck. You lost someone, I know that much. But me not knowing anything makes it more interesting. I don't want to be your friend _only _because I want to help you. I want to be your friend because you make such an awesome guy, underneath all that hurt."

His mouth was opened slightly and his eyes were shut tight. Their hands remained intertwined and Kendall's heart literally ached. He took one slow, deep breath and opened his eyes to find Vienna's blue ones staring at him with a different look then others would have after talking about Emily's death. She didn't look sorry for him, it was more then that.

She looked determined.

"I don't need help."

But even after that mouthful, he still couldn't do it. Their hands still remained together but it was a loose, not as affection, hold.

"Do you need a friend?"

He sighed. He had friends – of all kinds, too. But they know the old Kendall Knight. The outgoing, fun, loving, always happy Kendall Knight. They can't accept the new Kendall Knight. The lonely, hurt, angry, depressed Kendall Knight. Maybe, just maybe, he needed a new friend. A new friend who only knows the new Kendall Knight.

He shrugs.

"That doesn't answer my question," She stands up. "But forget it. Forget I ever came…"

Her left leg was out the window when Kendall stood up. "Wait,"

She turned around with that sarcastic, stubborn smirk on her face; but Kendall didn't get angry at that moment. He walked toward her and she walked toward him. They stood an inch apart, Kendall being practically a head bigger. She looked up to him, his green eyes practically spelt out hopefulness. His bare arms touched her sweatshirts arms and they just stood there for a moment, in silence, neither of them breaking the intense stare they held, no matter how awkward it made Kendall feel.

"So what do you say, Kendall Knight?"

There she goes again, first and last name, but it couldn't bother him right now. It was getting him so angry seeing James and Vienna talk, James flirting and Vienna just allowing it, but now none of that mattered. None of the stubborn statements, sarcastic remarks, and smartass comments – none of it. Her she was, standing in Kendall's room for the second night in a row, almost 3 AM and willing to take him back to her house right at that moment.

"I want to be your friend."

She smiles, a smile that had success written all over it. But there was something in her face, something that told him she wasn't done with whatever plan she was brewing up.

"You can't hate me in school tomorrow." She says, arching a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

He sighed. It was weird how that worked, though. How with every little bit of him, he could hate her so easily. But they've never spoken like this, never had so much emotional contact.

"I won't."

He hopes he doesn't. He, as everyone else, truly cannot control the way you feel about someone – positive or negative.

"I don't want your sympathy." He mumbles. They remained in their same spot, no other movement being made.

"I don't want to give you my sympathy."

That's all he had to hear to believe her. Kendall isn't right in the head right now, he truly isn't, and his thoughts are absolutely all over. He wants help, he wants to be saved, he wants to be happy – but – he can't deal with the sympathy. He doesn't like the pity and the sorrow from everyone else. He doesn't like being put under people, everyone trying to help _him _when it was always the other way around. Vienna is the first person, out of _everyone_, who tells him she won't feel sorry for him. That's what he wants. Although, there is a huge difference between wants and needs.

He nodded, "Good."

She smiled, "Good."

He steps away and sits back on the bed; Vienna follows and sits next to him. It's quiet for a few moments, like they were trying to process what had just occurred. There were a few things Kendall could say about Vienna – her stubbornness, sarcasm, stunning, blunt, and talkative. But that's what he knows _now. _They haven't even known each other for a month and he was acting like he's known her forever. Kendall seriously can not figure out what _really _gets to him, what really makes his blood boil when Vienna's around. It's reminding him of all the things he just cannot stand and whether they're friends or not, he feels as if the feeling just won't go away.

"Well now that that's accomplished," She stands up. "Here, put your number." She hands him her phone, already opened to a new contact and he begins to type. After handing it back, she smiles and begins to walk toward the window. "I'm gonna go. But I'll see you tomorrow," She smirks. "Friend."

He stands up and walks over to the window where she was standing. "See you tomorrow…" Then she leaves. And Kendall stands there watching as she skillfully hops down, finally onto the cold concrete. Then she walks away and he could see her twirl in the middle of the sidewalk and walk nonchalantly. He watched until he couldn't anymore then went back into his bed, closing his eyes and seeing nothing but black. Slowly, he falls into a deep sleep and like always, jumps into a reoccurring dream….

_It's like you never even cared. _She says.


	7. seven

**A/N: So I've been getting so many alerters it's making me so happy, BUT I would really love if you would all review because that'll definitely keep me motivated to update more frequently. & for those who notice an update of the same chapter – it's not my fault. It keeps deleting or not showing up on my story and I have to keep re-adding it. I'm trying to figure out what it is, I'm pretty sure it's because I delete it in my doc's so I'll stop that but in the meantime… sorry? Rofl, & to **_**Crutchly, **_**if it really bothers you – take this off alert? whatevaaaaas, sorry about that.**

**Also, check out ****Happeyapple****'s **_**If We Ever Meet Again **_**– it is so damn good! **

**Anywho's, without further ado – enjoy this chapter, although a tad bit shorter, my lovelies! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR, unfortunately….**

"Good morning, Kendall Knight."

After last night's events, Kendall honestly couldn't stop thinking about it. From the moment he woke up, between getting ready and eating breakfast, the walk to school, walking in the hallway, and walking into class – it was on his mind. He walked in just as the bell rang and was relieved to see that Vienna wasn't with James; she was sitting in her assigned seat behind his and ripping a piece of loose-leaf to shreds. She didn't even look up when he walked in but when he sat down he heard her smooth voice in his ear and he turned around to see her smiling.

"Good morning, Vienna." He responded, a small smile spreading on his face.

The talk the two had the night before was pretty intense. Kendall knows Vienna is like no other girl he's ever met and although that's what he is honestly looking for, he's not sure if he's ready. Obviously Vienna has taken a liking to Kendall, she practically tells him every time they speak, but she plays it off with the tough exterior she so obviously has. She doesn't really hold back on what she has to say and she's 100% honest about it too. In Kendall eyes – that could be a good thing or it could be a bad thing. It's like he's afraid of getting attached to someone because he can't imagine going through that pain again. It isn't just an exaggeration or expression when Kendall says he's in pain – it's a legitimate, aching pain that could become very physical along with the emotional aching.

"How did you sleep? Aren't you glad it's already Friday?" She asked, never breaking the stare the two held.

He knew that Vienna never meant any legit harm; he just wasn't too fond of the fact that not only did she know everything – she liked to brag about it too. Whether the two are friends or not, Kendall will _always _look at Vienna as a very stubborn, sarcastic, blunt girl. It's just who she is. Just looking at her confuses Kendall because he's unsure if he could grow a friendship with her being every little thing she does irritates him in some way. But what she said last night, about not wanting to give her sympathy, made him want to actually try to let her in. He built up so many walls the last few months and he knows that they're going to be extremely difficult to break down.

"Pretty good," He lied. "What about you? And yes I am."

After Vienna left, he did fall asleep quickly. But unfortunately, the reoccurring nightmare woke him up at every hour.

She raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow. "Not bad."

Kendall nodded and turned back around when Mr. Levine started talking. Kendall sat there peacefully. Vienna wasn't kicking his desk, she wasn't tapping her pen, she wasn't constantly texting – no, it was only silence. Kendall liked it. But it began to bug him after a while. He looked next to him to see the boy drawing Anime on the desk. He looked behind the boy to see the girl fixing her makeup and staring into her compact mirror. No one was talking. No one was making any sudden sounds or moves. Not even Vienna and that confused him. He turned around, expecting to see a blank face or maybe a smirk that she was so likely to give him. But when he fully turned around, he saw Vienna holding her head up with her hands and her eyes were closed. She was breathing slowly and it came to Kendall that she was sleeping. He couldn't help but smirk at the way her mouth was slightly open and the way she looked so at peace. It was then he realized how he never actually appreciated her beauty. He tried to take in as much as he could while she slept and being able to only see from underneath her chest and up. He started at the top, admiring the way her gray beanie sits so comfortably on her long, light brown waves. Her skin - it is so flawless and the only little specks on it are the few freckles along her nose and upper cheeks. Although her eyes were closed, he knew beautiful blue was underneath her lids and he looked at her lips which were the perfect size and naturally pink. Then down to her tight gray sweater, which obviously had nothing else underneath being Kendall could barely remove his eyes. He felt as if he was looking at her for so long, but it really wasn't over a minute. She began to move a little and Kendall quickly turned around so she didn't see him looking, but he heard her drop her hands on the desk, the sound of her rings hitting the wood, and then he felt her small hand tracing things on his back. He turned around and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"What are you doing?" He whispered.

She smiled sleepily. "You're wearing plaid."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "So?"

"So…" She said. "It's the only thing that can keep me awake."

He shrugged and turned around again. The rest of that class, Vienna's soft fingers traced the plaid on his shirt. He didn't really rebel against her doing it; he kind of just allowed it. Not like he could stop Vienna, anyways. The bell rang and Kendall began to walk, Vienna approaching his side only momentarily later. "Come with me to my locker," She smiled. And he did what she told. Her locker was right near their next class and he leaned up against the one next to it as she slowly put her combination in. Her locker was practically empty – literally only consisting of a mirror and two 3-subject notebooks. She practically read his expression seeing the emptiness and neatness and smirked.

"It's my first year here," She sighed. "Obviously I'm going to have a clean locker… I intend on keeping it that way too."

They walked to the class together and Vienna took her seat in front of James, while Kendall sat where his seat was. James immediately began talking to Vienna and it bothered Kendall, but he tried to replay Vienna's words from last night, in his head. _"Just because I'm __friendly __with him, doesn't mean I'm on his dick like all the other girls that clearly are." _That did relax him and it did get him through the rest of the class.

When lunch approached, he was surprised to not see Vienna. But he pushed that aside and listened to the plans he had tonight that Logan and Carlos were forcing him to listen to. "C'mon Kendall, we don't even have to go _out," _Carlos groaned. "We can just sit at one of our houses and…"

"Hockey!" Logan exclaimed. "We can watch Minnesota Wild kick ass tonight!"

Kendall smirked. "Guys," He began. "I'm not saying no… I said yes already."

Logan and Carlos smiled widely, "Awesome."

They were engaged in some type of conversation, really not interesting to Kendall, until he felt a hand being placed on his shoulder. Each pair of eyes at the table widened at the sight. "Good afternoon, Kendall." Her hand slid across his broad shoulders and he watched as she walked away. He didn't even have a chance to respond and before he could even fully process it, he had the whole table now staring at him.

"What?" Was the only thing he could get out – with quite the attitude as well.

"Why do you even talk to her?" Brittany asked. "She's such a freak."

Brittany Rivera, also known as one of the best friend's of Emily's, wasn't the nicest. Before Emily had befriended her, Brittany barely had any friends at all. She took advantage of Emily's friendship and no one but Kendall seemed to realize it. Kendall would tell Emily all the time how much he hated Brittany but Emily would just tell him to brush it off – "if you don't bother her, she won't bother you." It was the way Brittany would always try to get with her friend's boyfriends, steal the spotlight, and beg for attention. He really never liked her at all.

"Why is it any of your business?" Kendall snapped back.

Vienna must have overheard it, being she turned around and walked back to the table. "Actually, Kendall, can I talk to you?" She smiled softly and waited for a response. Kendall nodded and stood up, walking over to her. When the two began to walk away, Vienna turned around and clearly stuck her middle finger at Brittany who was pretty much shocked to do or say anything in return. Kendall smirked, seeing the whole thing from the corner of his eye, and turned around to talk to her.

"What's up?" He asked, trying to sound as content as possible.

She shrugged. "Not much. What are you doing tonight?"

"My friends wanna watch hockey or something," He began. "What about you?"

She chuckled. "I don't know," She said, then sat down against the window ledge. "I was going to ask if you wanted to come over tonight, but you're clearly busy."

He sat next to her and their legs touched. "I'm not busy tomorrow." He even shocked himself with his response. It took his _best _friend's months to get him to hangout, but here's Vienna waltzing in his life like she should be there. It's a strange feeling, but Kendall pushes it aside when he waits for Vienna's response.

"That'd be cool," She smiled. "What would you wanna do? _Oh! _Halloween is next weekend, what are you doing then?" She quickly spoke and smiled after.

"One question at a time," He laughed. "Uh well, I don't know; it's up to you I guess. And Halloween? I really didn't even remember… I don't plan that far ahead of time."

"Cool, so we're hanging out then too."

"We are?"

"We are."

So they were, and Kendall couldn't even say no. Not like he wanted to. He knew exactly what Halloween was going to be like for his group. All the girls were going to meet up at one of their houses, put a large amount of make up on, do their hairs, dress in the sluttiest costume they found, and strut around town like its okay to be a huge slut on that very day. The guys are going to get beers, a bottle, eggs, and shaving cream. The boys are going to meet up with the girls, admire their costumes because they all look _so good, _and egg random houses until they either A) get bored or B) get caught. They'll end up at the school's field – all wrecked out of their minds – and spend their Halloween doing the most useless things and still enjoy themselves as much as they can.

"So what is there to do in this town on Halloween?" She asked, practically reading him mind.

He explained what they've been doing and she blandly laughed in his face. "That's so…" She paused to think of the right word. "So, like, I don't know - _high school_."

"Well, I don't know if you knew," Kendall raised an eyebrow. "But we _are _in high school." He smiled smugly.

"Well then, Mr. Sarcastic. I just mean like, it's very typical. Doesn't seem like too much fun."

Kendall shrugged. "Anything better in mind?"

"Nope."

They chuckled a bit and pretty much sat there in silence until the bell rang. Kendall began to walk and Brittany showed up at his side, smiling up at him. He paid no attention to her.

"I'll call you tonight, Kendall." Vienna said loud enough, shooting Brittany a dirty look.

Anyone near became surprised. Kendall only nodded, but he was very confused. Was she actually going to call him tonight or was she just saying that because Brittany was right there? He guesses he'd have to find out.

….

"YES!" Carlos screamed, jumping up onto the couch. "Fuck, yes!"

Minnesota Wild had just scored… again. Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan were sitting in Logan's den watching the game. It'd been about an hour and although he'd hate to admit it, Kendall preferred this then drowning himself underneath his blankets on a Friday night. Mrs. Knight was definitely surprised when he had told her he was on his way to Logan's house – he really hasn't been _out _in a while.

"Keep the language to a minimum you dick," Logan scoffed. "My mom didn't leave yet."

Carlos smiled apologetically before sinking back into the couch, grabbing the bag of pretzels from Logan's lap. Kendall chuckled at Carlos' poor attempt at holding back another curse when the other team scored. James had been unusually quiet the whole night; lying on his back with his feet propped up on the glass table in front of them. His phone was only inches away from his face as he typed as if it was the most important message he's ever sent.

"You don't need this," Logan smirked, grabbing the phone suddenly out of James' hand. "Who could be more important then your best buds right here?"

James jumped from his comfortable position at attempt to grab his phone… he failed. "You're a faggot, just give me my phone."

"What do we have here?" Logan asked with a raised eyebrow. He cleared his throat and began to read out loud: "Lol, nope, I only lived in Miami for four years." Logan raised his eyebrow again.

"You know what," James laughed. "Read it. She's fucking _hot_ so I don't care if you see we're talking."

Kendall tensed up.

"Oh! Vienna?" Logan asked, scrolling through the phone. "Kendall, aren't you friends with her?"

His eyes shut a little and he opened them again, clutching his hands at his sides and keeping his eyes glued to the game that really didn't interest him at the moment. "Mhm." Was the only thing Kendall could get out. "I guess." He added.

Logan cleared his throat again. "Vienna, honestly, why can't other girls in our school look like you?" Then he laughed, and Carlos joined him laughing, and Kendall couldn't even help but laugh darkly because it was just so typical of James. There could be a girl, _any _girl, and he would get her number and tell her she's beautiful and then she would fall in love and he would get his dick touched and move onto the next willing girl. James himself even admitted it.

"Listen guys," James sat back down, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. "Do you even know who I am? Clearly, you all do. Vienna, on the other hand, does not."

"What's your point?" Logan asked, handing back James' phone, obviously getting bored of the text messages.

"My point is: I can easily get this girl." He paused. "And I _will _easily get this girl."

"I bet you don't."

All eyes shot to Kendall, the one who barely spoke all night, and each held a sense of confusion. Kendall was even confused. He had no idea what caused him to say that, he had no idea _why _he said that. All he knew was that every word that came out of James' mouth pissed him off more than anything.

James laughed.

"Do I sense some tension?" Logan smirked, raising an eyebrow and nudging Carlos' side.

"I'm just saying," Kendall shrugged, easily pushing his tenseness aside and replacing it with contentment. "No tension."

"What do you mean you bet I don't?" James asked.

Kendall finally took his eyes off the TV to look at James. "I'm just saying, just because you can get other girls, doesn't mean you'll get Vienna."

"Do you like…" He paused. "I don't know, _like _her?"

"Nope."

"So why do you care?" James bit back.

"I don't," Kendall chuckled. "Like I said… I was _just saying._"

James barely picked up his phone for the rest of the night. Logan and Carlos spent the whole night nudging each other, pointing at either James' or Kendall's faces of sarcasm and confusion and aggravation.

Minnesota Wild ended up winning.

…

"How was your night?" Mrs. Knight asked as Kendall walked through the door.

"Okay," Kendall mumbled. "Night." And hopped up the stairs – straight to his room where he truly believes he belongs. It was a little after midnight now and after changing into more comfortable clothes he went in bed and closed his eyes.

"_Kendall, it's like you didn't even c-"_

His eyes shot open from the sound of his cell phone ringing. He groaned audibly and looked over to the total opposite side of the room where his phone carelessly laid on the floor. He didn't bother to get up. Instead, he dropped himself to the floor; blanket still wrapped around him, and rolled his body across his floor. The sight of that could have made anyone laugh.

The light of his phone caused him to immediately close his eyes; the brightness being too much for Kendall's eyes which were already adapted to the complete darkness in the room. He squinted his eyes open only a bit and glanced at the screen. The phone still rung and the name _Vienna _was on the screen. He smirked a little, not even surprised she was calling.

"Hello?" He answered, rolling himself back to his bed.

"What are you doing?" She laughed. "It sounds like you're in the middle of fucking someone."

"I was rolling back on my bed." He honestly stated. "Too tired to actually get up."

He could hear her laughter and when he closed his eyes again, he could see her smile. It made him smile.

"Did I wake you up?" She asked; concern written all over.

"Yes," He responded. "But it's o-"

"Good." She interrupted. He could imagine her sarcastic smirk. "So what are our plans tomorrow?"

"Well," He began. "What do you have in mind?"

She sighed and it was quiet for a few. "Well, you can come over. Watch a movie, maybe?"

"Sure."

What was it? Why? Kendall was in the largest state of confusion. He couldn't argue against Vienna's offer. He didn't _want _to. He felt like going to her house, watching a movie, and whatever other things she most likely has planned for them, is what he needed to do. What better way could he choose to spend his Saturday night?

"Great," she sighed. "I can't wait."

Then there was silence and Kendall couldn't help but mention the one thing that was throwing him off all night.

"So I was with James tonight and-"

"Yeah," Vienna interrupted. "I was texting with him before."

"I know."

Silence.

"Well," for the first time, Vienna actually sounded awkward. "I'll let you get back to sleep."

Pros? No more talk about James. No more irritation from Vienna. No more awkwardness. Sleep. Cons? No more Vienna, period. Its funny how one con can rid of all pros. This time, it did.

"No," He quickly said. "I can talk."

"So you don't hate me anymore?" She asked.

"I never hated you," He admitted, opening his eyes and adjusting them to the ceiling.

"Kendall?"

"Yes?"

"I want to be your friend." She practically whispered.

"You are my-"

"No," She seemed to be interrupting him all night. "I want to be your actual _friend. _Someone you talk to and trust and laugh with and have sleepovers with and open up to and, and _everything._"

"I'm not gay," He chuckled.

"Kendall," the way she said his name made his heart skip a beat. "But beside all of those things. I just want one thing overall."

Silence.

"What is it?" Kendall hesitantly asked.

"I want to be loved." She made a noise – maybe a yawn or a sigh. "And I want to love."

Kendall really didn't know what to say.

"I'm sleepy," she said, this time yawning. "I'll see you tomorrow Kendall Knight."

Then she hung up.

Kendall slowly removed the phone from his ear, looking at her name disappear from the screen. What she said, her voice and her meaningfulness, it was amazing to Kendall. It was what he needed to hear.

Kendall didn't want to be loved. He didn't deserve to be loved. Who wanted to be loved by him? A murderer – the reason of death.

Tonight, he didn't dream of Emily. That scared him. Tonight, he dreamt of Vienna. She slowly swung on a swing and the leaves beneath her ruffled under her feet. Nothing was said, nothing was done, nothing, nothing nothing. Just Vienna, as beautiful as ever, swinging her feet like she had no care in the world. A dark cloud approached, just over her head. Rain, small droplets, began to fall and she didn't even spare a glance up to the sky. She only kept her eyes on her feet as she passed the leaves beneath her. No cares.

No cares.

No cares.


	8. eight

**A/N: I'm sorry if things seem repetitive, things will change soon though. Reviews are lovely, darlings. :3 I've been losing some of you. /:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR**.

"Kendall," He felt his shoulder being shaken, but his eyes remained closed. "Come on, get up. You have therapy soon."

He slightly opened his eyes, the brightness coming as a surprise to him, and saw his mother standing there. She was dressed, had her normal make up on, and had a hand on her hip. "You have 15 minutes," And then she was gone. He watched as she walked away until she completely disappeared and then took it upon himself to get out of bed and get ready in 15 minutes.

It took him 17 minutes to get ready. He stepped out into the undeniably cold day and saw his mother was already in the car. He braced himself and walked to the car, opening the door and plopping down with no words.

"Seatbelt," Mrs. Knight demanded.

He nodded, practically inconspicuous**ly, and clicked the seatbelt into place. Mrs. Knight began to pull out of the driveway and it was quiet, besides the faint sound of the wind, the car, and the radio that was barely audible. **

"You were up pretty late last night," Mrs. Knight said. Kendall was surprised she said anything at all. The usual drives to therapy on Saturday afternoons really consisted of the low radio and nothing else. They never really talked about anything at all. Ever. "On the phone with Carlos, James, or Logan?"

"No," Kendall responded lowly.

"I heard you talking though," She insisted. "Unless Katie snuck some older guy into her room which is a creepy and realistic thought." She chuckled darkly.

Kendall let out a faint 'ha' then shrugged. "I was on the phone," he said. "Just not with them."

"Oh," She said, uneasily. "Who then?"

He wanted to flip out. He has more friends then just James, Carlos, and Logan. Why would it _have _to be them? "Vienna." He said her name like he's known her for years; like somehow, Mrs. Knight would know exactly who he was talking about.

"Vienna?" She repeated, completely unaware of this new girl.

"She's new this year," Kendall responded.

Then it was back to the silence – also known as, the norm.

….

"How have you been?" Hannah smiled softly, resting her hands on top of the desk in front of her.

"Okay," He shrugged.

She arched an eyebrow, "That's a new one."

He shrugged again and she smiled. "So," She rested back. "What did you do yesterday? How did you spend your Friday night?"

"I watched the hockey game with the boys."

"Were you satisfied?" She asked.

Kendall cringed. He hated how she harassed him with all these questions but he had to constantly remind himself that she is a _therapist. _And well, that's what therapists happen to do. He remembers the first day of therapy, the way he was _so _mean and _so _quiet. Only one word answers, if any at all - it had to be the most awkward 40 minutes of his life. He was sure he was being completely immature and annoying, but Hannah seemed to disagree. It amused Kendall how much patience she has; not just for him, but for everyone else in this twisted world.

"They won," he said. "So yeah."

She smiled. "That's good to hear, but I mean with your night overall. Like, your friends?"

"It was fine." He responded.

"How about your dreams?" She asked. "How have they been?"

His dreams. They were there, of course. They were there and they were haunting him. But, last night was the first night that he didn't dream of Emily. No, this time, it was the one and only Vienna Chambers. He explained the dream to her and she seemed to have a very logical response. Like always.

"Do you ever realize that the one thing you think about before you go to bed, you dream of?" She asks. "Even if you don't think you're thinking of something, it's that one thing in the back of your head. Its screaming 'hey, let me out, I can't be in here anymore' but you're just taking every single bit of your energy and your pushing it back. You're pushing it so far back that the only time you _really think _about it, is when you're asleep."

Kendall sighed. "Okay… I understand about Emily. But… Vienna?"

He sounded so desperate talking to her. But it really was only that way because he had no one else to talk to. He knows that Hannah does not have the right to tell _anyone _what he says, so it's like a win-win for him.

"She's new in your life," Hannah stated. "It could be a good thing to explore, Kendall. You're so stuck on Emily that you seemed to have been blocking people out rather then letting them in."

"Yeah," was all Kendall got out.

"Do you like this girl?"

Kendall snorted. "I don't even _know _what the word I would use to describe her."

"And that's a good thing or a bad thing?" She inquired.

He shrugged, "I wish I knew!"

"You're gonna have to elaborate," She chuckling lightly.

"Here's the thing," He sighed, a little hesitant with going any further, but deciding to anyways. "I hate her, Hannah, I hate her so much. From the first words she said to me, I knew that this girl was going to be the one girl I just _hate. _We argued from the first word and she was so stubborn and obnoxious and rude, and ugh–"

"Breathe, Kendall."

"Right…" He shifted uncomfortably.

"Stubborn, obnoxious, rude – got it. It sounded as if you were going to give a 'but'. Am I right?" Hannah asked, leaning over a bit more comfortably in her chair.

"But," he finally said. "I can't _not _talk to her, I can't say no to her. It's like whatever she says goes, and it fucking sucks because that's not how it's supposed to go! And it's like… ugh!"

"And it's like what, Kendall?"

"It's like when she talks to James or when she walked off with my schools biggest stoner, it got me _mad. _And I don't even know why. Like, she's Vienna and I'm _Kendall. _Why should I care? It doesn't even make any sense!" He groaned, furiously putting his hands through his blonde hair.

"Jealousy," She states. "Is very unhealthy."

Kendall laughs sarcastically, darkly. "_Jealous?_" He exaggerates on the word. "I don't care who James fucks and I barely know the stoner."

In denial.

"I don't mean of them personally," She states. "I mean the population of 'boy' in general. You clearly don't like when other guys talk to Vienna. She isn't _yours_ though, Kendall. You can't call the shots in her life."

"That's the problem." He mutters, crossing his arms over his chest like a child. "There are so many things I hate about her. And I mean, like, _so many. _But there's something that won't let me ignore her. Something that completely knocks everything I hate about her out of the way."

Admittance.

"Do you know what that one thing is?" Hannah asks.

He shakes his head, "No," he groans. "That's why it's so damn annoying."

She nods, "In order to get through this, its best you try to figure out what's making you stick around her."

"I'm hanging out with her tonight," Kendall blurts out.

Hannah seems a bit taken aback but she composes herself, "That could go both ways, Kendall."

"I know."

Twenty more minutes passed of just regular conversation between the two. Hannah tries, and Kendall could tell, she tries _so _hard to get into his mind. And he's trying to understand, he's trying to get what Hannah tells him. He knows she is so intelligent and every single thing she tells him is in the most realistic sense, is probably the cleverest thing he's ever heard, but he has a difficult time allowing his mind to agree with that. He doesn't necessarily want to seem so broken towards Hannah, but he really can't control that. She sees through him and that's something that completely freaks Kendall out.

The ride home with his mother was quiet besides the normal "how was it?" Otherwise, the same old sound of the faint radio commercials, the wind, and the cars – everything was the same. Always.

…

"_You're what?"_ Vienna laughed into the phone.

"Lost," Kendall scoffed. "I don't know how to get to your house from where I am." He added, examining his very foreign surroundings.

After getting home from therapy, Kendall took a _long_ nap. There was surprisingly no dream that he could remember this time, but he was woken up by Vienna calling him, telling him to go over to her house whenever he was ready. That was at 7. So after showering, getting ready, and eating – he left his house. But after 15 minutes of walking, he realized he was taking a completely long, different way in which got him lost.

"_Lost?" _She laughed again. _"Kendall, haven't you lived here all your life?"_

"Yes," He mumbled. "But I never had any reason to go this way."

"_Where are you now?" _She asked.

"I don't know how I ended up at Lake Harriet Upper Elementary school."

"_Oh," _She breathed. _"You're like right near my house. Just… just cross from the school and go up two blocks then down and I'm sure you'll remember what house you came to that last time."_

"Okay," He said. "Just… go outside so I don't ring the wrong person's bell."

She laughed, _"Yes, sir." _

He took the exact route that she told him to take and his surroundings finally became familiar. He was across the street from her house when he noticed her. She was leaned against the frame of her door and she looked, well, stunning. He crossed the street and she smiled once he approached her.

"Well it's about time, Kendall Knight."

He let out a sarcastic laugh and followed her into her house. It was empty – the way it was when he first came. But only this time it was dark, being it is dark out.

"Super cold out, right?" She asked, closing the door once he was fully in.

"Yep," he said. "But it only gets worse from here."

She chuckled, "Come see my room, since last time you couldn't."

He followed her up the stairs and into a hallway with multiple closed doors. He tried his best to get a good look at everything but Vienna didn't stop until they got to the end of the hallway. Finally, she opened the door and held out her hand, "Enter."

He chuckled and walked into the dark room. She flicked the light on and Kendall was a bit taken aback from the sight. It wasn't a _huge_ room but it was a very nice size. The walls were a deep red and the furniture was white. Her bed, which had to be queen sized, had a red and white comforter on top along with the many pillows that remained at the top.

"Nice room." He complimented, standing in one spot.

"Loosen up," She smiled, plopping down on her bed and patting the spot next to her. "Come sit."

Hesitantly, he made his way over to where she sat, and sat beside her. "Where are your parents?" He asked, obviously feeling a little odd.

"Work," She said. "So, what movie do you want to watch? I have a lot." She jumped off the bed. "Come," She smiled.

He followed her out of the room again and walked down the stairs with her back into the more familiar part of the house. She turned the kitchen light on then made her way and turned on a dim lamp light in the living room. He allowed himself to sit on the couch and watched as Vienna bent down underneath the flat screen television and opened up two small glass doors. She pulled out stacks of DVD's and placed them next to her. There was a bang and she muttered, "shit" before closing the doors and standing up with the DVD's in her hands. She placed it on the table and walked away for a few seconds just to turn the kitchen light back off. She was very entertaining just to watch, Kendall thought, and he didn't find himself getting the slightest bit bored just sitting there and watching her every move.

"So," she sighed, plopping down on the couch next to him. "We have 'Finding Nemo', '2012', 'Thank You for Smoking', 'The Bride of Chucky', 'Halloween' the first one, 'The Notebook', 'Where the Heart Is', 'Rio', 'Yogi Bear', 'A Beautiful Mind'…"

"Vienna," he laughed. "It doesn't matter."

She smirked, "Fine, 'A Beautiful Mind' then." She stood up and went to the DVD player near the TV. "Ever see it?"

"Nope."

"It's pretty good," She said, then grabbed the remote and turned off the already dim light, making the room darker. "I liked it."

The movie started and they sat silently side by side. Not only 10 minutes into the movie did Vienna start talking. She made a comment about every little thing that happened – and although Kendall would hate to admit it, everything she had to say made him think or laugh. After the introduction of the main character, John Nash, she poured out her thoughts on that very man. Everything she was saying was very clever, though.

"Do you want food?"

"No, I'm okay."

Silence.

"Do you want a beverage?"

"No, I'm okay."

Silence.

"Do you want me to put the heat up?"

"No, I'm okay."

Silence.

"Do you want me to lower the heat?"

"No, I'm okay."

Silence.

Then the movie was paused and Kendall looked over to see Vienna putting the remote back down. She turned to look at him and just sighed.

"Why did you stop it?" He asked.

"If you don't want to be here right now," She said. "Then leave."

He was definitely surprised that she said that. It almost even hurt his feelings that because of his depressing exterior, everything he says or does seems to be taken negatively. He _really _didn't want to be looked at as the lonely, attention-seeking, depressed guy. He wanted to be looked at like he used to be looked at – the outgoing, popular, fun-loving guy. Although he _is _depressed, he still has somewhat the same mindset he used to have. Nothing realistic is impossible – so getting through Kendall's head _is _possible. No matter how difficult, upsetting, angering, and exhausting it may be – it's possible.

"I want to be here," he sighed. "I'm sorry, it's just that…"

"It's just that…?"

"I don't know," he sighed again. "It's just so hard living my life, Vienna. But forget it, nothing's gonna change by talking about it. I'm here because you invited me and I wanted to hangout with you."

"We can watch movies on our own time," She said. "Let's _hangout._"

Then it was quiet and they only stared at each other. Kendall kept removing his eyes, obviously a little uncomfortable, but Vienna just remained staring.

"You should really say something," Vienna laughed. "'Cause me on the other hand – I can sit here and stare into your eyes all night, honestly."

For some reason, that caused his heart to drop. That simple statement, those 12 words, was such a compliment to Kendall. He mentally slapped himself for being such a total dick to Vienna, although every time, she really did give him the reason.

"Where do your parents work?" He asked randomly, obviously having nothing else to come up with.

"My dad's a security guard," She paused. "My mom works at the bank…" She seemed a little hesitant with it, but Kendall just pushed it aside and listened to her speak.

"What about yours?"

"My mom's a teacher," He said. "Special needs, actually."

Vienna nodded. "Awesome, what about your dad?"

"Honestly," he said. "I don't know, now. My parents got divorced a while back."

She nodded again. "Oh."

Then her phone began to ring and she picked it up, rolling her eyes almost immediately. Kendall took notice to that and when he got the chance, he saw on the screen 'Mom.'

"Hello?"

"_Vi?" _It was surprisingly how clearly Kendall could hear her mother's voice through the phone, and it wasn't even on speaker.

"What?" It wasn't so mean, the way she said it, but it really didn't have any emotion at all.

"_I have to stay later at work tonight," _She paused. _"Just thought I would let you know."_

Vienna scoffed. "I don't even know why you call to tell me anymore."

"_Honey -"_

"Whatever mom," She said. "I'll see you in the morning." Then she hung up and threw her phone on the opposite side of the couch.

"What could you even be doing staying at the bank from 7 o'clock this morning until probably like 2 AM? I don't get it." She scoffed, crossing her legs and looking at Kendall.

He shrugged, unknowingly, and shifted so that he could comfortably be looking at Vienna. "Why did you move here?" He asked, another question popping into his mind.

"I have no fucking clue," She laughed. "My mom just was like, 'Oh, Adam, let's move from Miami to Minnesota!'"

"Adam?"

"My dad," She laughed.

"Come to think about it," Kendall said. "That really is a big, random change."

"I _know _right? Like, okay I understand Florida to like… New York or New Jersey, but _Minnesota_? Come on, there had to be a reason. And like my dad was just like 'Oh, sure Vanessa, whatever you want because I kiss your ass all the time anyways.'"

"And Vanessa I'm assuming is your mom?" Kendall asked.

"You assumed right," She rose an eyebrow. "It's all just very weird."

He shrugged. "It could be a good thing, though." He said. "A new beginning, I mean."

There was silence for only a few moments before Vienna spoke again.

"Are we still talking about me?" She laughed.

"I like hanging out with you," He randomly blurted out. "You make me feel at ease." He honestly stated.

"Good," She smiled. "Those are my motives."

He smirked.

"I like hanging out with you too, Kendall." She turned more serious. "I'm not in this just for the feeling of making someone better. I really do want a friend."

"And what about James?" He asked with a knowing smirk.

"Did I invite him over tonight?"

"No."

"Exactly."

It was all so… good. Kendall definitely did feel at ease. He felt like he could talk and be himself without Vienna looking at him differently. Maybe it was because she was new in his life – it couldn't matter what she thought, right? It still confused him, though. It confused him because he started off _hating _this girl; he's unsure if he could just so easily switch rolls like that. He keeps telling himself, though, to stop thinking and just do. Thinking got him into a lot of shit all his life, why keep on continuing when he knows it's fucking him up?

Kendall sat there for three hours listening to Vienna talk; obviously a lot of the time putting his own input in, but just listening to her took up most of the time. She had so many things to say; like she had all of it held in for all of her life and she just emptied it all out tonight. She could be talking about a family occasion and sporadically change the conversation about something that happened to her that very morning. He learned that her favorite color is that dark red that covered her walls. Her favorite number is 229,514,141 because if her name was decoded into numbers – that would be it; but if she had to pick a simpler number it would just be 2. Her favorite animal is a bird because they're free. She wasn't a planned baby. She barely talks to any of her relatives and her grandparents live on the opposite side of the country but send her 25 dollars in the mail every month. She not allergic to anything and the word cactus makes her laugh.

Kendall wasn't bored tonight. He wasn't uncomfortable the last portion of the night. He wasn't hurting at that very moment. He was content. He was doing the one thing he thought was impossible at this point in his life. He was enjoying himself. Thank you, Vienna.

"I had fun," She smiled as she followed him down the walkway of her house. "We shall do this again."

He smirked. "Same, yeah we should."

"Next weekend, my friend, you're all mine." She bit her bottom lip and raised her eyebrow playfully. "But really," She smiled. "Thanks for entertaining me all night. I would have been drowning in some Ben & Jerry's by myself all night."

She stood on her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. He took the intuitive to wrap his arms around her waist and give her a slightly tight hug. "I think you were the one doing the entertaining tonight." He laughed. And just when he laughed, he saw something that made him feel completely sick.

"Kendall?"

Eric Tyler, little brother of Emily Tyler, pushed the breaks on his bike so hard the sound could be heard from miles away. His eyebrows were scrunched together, almost in the sense that he was hurt, and he left one foot on a pedal and the other holding himself up on the ground.

Kendall pulled away from Vienna's hug and composed himself. "Uh, hey Eric, what are you doing out, it's like… really late now."

"I was just going home." He mumbled coldly.

Kendall nodded. "Do you want me to go with you? So you're not alone?" He asked, obviously seeming very concerned.

"I'm not a baby," Eric scoffed. "I know how to do things on my own." And then he rode away and Kendall couldn't help but feel _guilty. _Why? What did Kendall even do wrong?

"I should go," Kendall said, staring as Eric disappeared into the night.

"Goodnight," she sighed. "Don't be so down on yourself, Kendall Knight."

Then she walked back into her house and didn't even bother looking back. He stood there for just a few minutes, recollecting himself, and walked back to his house quietly, meanwhile his head was louder then ever.


	9. nine

**A/N: Re-read the last chapter & I'm not too satisfied with it. Hmph, hopefully this one doesn't disappoint! Please review and let me know. C: **

**Gonna start putting quotes from songs before every chapter, it will has relation – the name will be at the end of the chapter. :] **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_This world has lots to offer, but in time it will go dark._

When Kendall was twelve he had a conversation with his father that he was sure he'd never forget. They were sitting in the yard together on a sunny Saturday afternoon and had just finished cleaning up the yard from a family party the day before. His mother walked out handing them two glasses of lemonade, with a smile and a kiss, she went back inside. Kendall watched his parents and how in love they seemed to be. Kendall asked, "You love mom, right?"

"More than you'll ever know,"

But he went on by explaining, "You'll know what it feels like, though, sooner or later. But son, nothing lasts forever. Things have to end sometime."

It was only a week later that they were filing divorce papers.

Kendall had an unbelievably hard time excepting the fact that the two people who created him were divorcing. Although his mother and sister never knew, he cried himself to sleep for two weeks straight. It was hard for him, but he needed to keep himself together for his family. That's why Kendall was always such a hardheaded guy, not because he wanted to be, but because he had to be. Nothing could break that, he thought. But then Emily came into the picture and while everything was great – _things have to end sometime. _

It's almost as if that's why Kendall's having such a hard time letting Vienna in. He's been left more then enough times before, why should he have to go through that pain again? It's like he knows what's going to come out of it, and he tries his hardest to just go on alone, but as soon as Vienna shows up he knows that whatever he actually wants won't really happen. He liked Vienna, he really, truly did – but it was so, so difficult, for some reason, he hated her at the same time.

"Hello?" Kendall answered his phone tiredly.

He would have still been sleeping on this Sunday afternoon if his phone hadn't rung.

"_You're still sleeping? Wake up!" _Oh lovely Vienna.

"Sunday is my day to sleep." He mumbled.

"_Get up cause I'm going to be by your house in 10 minutes, okay?_" She asked and he could hear the smile in her voice.

"What? Why?" He groaned.

"_Because it's so pretty out and your lazy ass should be out of bed, okay?_"

That must have been one example of why he still has some type of hate for her. Her stubbornness is something that'll never rid.

"But what are we even doing?" He couldn't find himself to forbid though.

"_I'll tell you when I get there." _She said.

"You don't even know, do you?" He rolled his eyes, already knowing the answer.

"_Nope,_" She chuckled. "_But it's Sunday fun day. You're wasting your time; I'll be there in five."_

And then she hung up and Kendall got out of bed, getting ready in record time: seven minutes. She had called only a few moments ago, telling him she'll be waiting on the curb outside of his house, and to "hurry his ass up."

Kendall's intentions were to just walk past his mother and sister sitting on the couch, but his wish was not their command.

"Where are you going?" Mrs. Knight asked, shifting her eyes back and forth from the television to her son.

"Out," He said. "I'll be back soon."

"Wait," Mrs. Knight said, leaning on her knees and looking out the window. "Who is that girl? Is she here for you?"

"Yeah," Kendall mumbled.

"Oh," Mrs. Knight smiled; something extremely foreign these days. "Have fun."

He stepped outside and shut the door behind him, causing Vienna to look back and stand up. She smirked, causing her dimples to show, and Kendall couldn't help but smile back. She looked so beautiful. _Stop. _Kendall told himself.

"Good afternoon, lovely." She smiled, wrapping her arms around him.

"Hey," Kendall said.

"We match." She smirked, pointing to the similar beanies they both wore.

They began to walk down his block, heading toward the multiple shopping centers. It was a cold day, but it was beautiful. Not too many people were around, but a good amount. Everything looked so bright – the leaves on the ground, the cars driving past, the Halloween decorations. Vienna loved it all, claiming "It makes me so happy, all these bright things."

"Where are we even going?" Kendall wondered, completely and well, always, confused by Vienna's motives.

She shrugged, "I don't know. All I do know is that I've been past these shopping centers many times and never came. I brought money so I intend on buying _something._"

"Oh," Kendall said. "Cool."

It really didn't matter what she was doing – for God's sake she could have been planning to bomb them – Kendall still would have gone … for some strange reason.

"Party City!" Vienna exclaimed, when finally arriving at one of the shopping centers.

It was only a 15 minute walk, definitely not bad in such great weather. It was the perfect scene for the perfect October afternoon. Kendall and Vienna walked into Party City and were immediately taken aback by how many people were there. It made sense though, the fact that Halloween was only six days away. There were kids with their parents and teenagers with their friends doing last minute costume shopping – desperately hoping to find something left in the huge mess of the store. Party City around Halloween time is always crazy.

"Aw," Vienna said. "Look," She pointed at two boys. They couldn't have been any older then fourteen. One wore a hat, almost taller then him, and the other wore huge glasses, practically falling of his face. They were laughing at each other's appearances, snapping photos of each other, and eventually switching and trying other things on.

Kendall sighed, even smiling a bit. He remembers being fourteen, only three years ago, and how different his life was. Sure, it has been 2 years at that point that he hasn't seen his dad, but he was genuinely happy. His mother and sister were extremely close to him, he spent everyday with friends, hockey was a huge part of his life, he knew an uncountable amount of songs on his guitar, and he was happy. But now, it's like his mother and sister are two strangers who he can't seem to escape from, he rarely spends time with his friends anymore, he's no longer on the hockey team, he hasn't picked up his guitar since before Emily's death, and he's just not _happy. _He wants to be happy.

"Come," She grabbed his hand.

They made their way to the costumes – young adult/women section, more likely. She looked through the racks, pulling out random ones and commented on each.

"What are you gonna be?" Kendall asked, leaning against a rack as Vienna went through all of them.

"I don't wanna dress up," She shrugged.

Before Kendall had the chance to ask why they were even here, a guy walked up to them. He had to be only a few inches taller then Kendall and looked at 20. His brown hair was spiked and his blue eyes were bright, very bright. He smiled at the two, more toward Vienna then Kendall, and clasped his hands together.

"Good afternoon," His voice was low and husky. "Do you need help with anything, miss?"

She smiled with a raised eyebrow, "Hmm, no I think I'm okay."

"Find a costume you like?" He asked, obviously attempting at keeping conversation.

"Looking," Vienna smiled, putting the nurse costume back into the racks.

"I have something over there that I'm sure will look great on you." The guy smiled. "Let me go get it."

He walked away and left Vienna and Kendall alone again. Vienna smirked and rolled her eyes, still looking through the many costumes with that same signature smirk of hers. Kendall practically _knew _it by now. It was so, so Vienna.

"This," The guy returned holding up a bag. "Would be perfect."

Playboy Cat was the name. Kendall cringed just at the name and Vienna took it from the guy. She shrugged, "Won't hurt to try it on." She walked into the dressing room and Kendall leaned against the wall closest to it, waiting for her to be done. The guy still stayed there as well, obviously excited to see her in it. Only a few moments later, she walked out.

Kendall, along with the guy, both stood there silent for a moment. His jaw was dropped a bit and he had to compose himself, ridding all the naughty thoughts in which were running through his mind. It was a tight black dress, shorter then it should have been, and had pink lace in the front. It shaped out her body perfectly, almost too perfectly, and she wore cat ears along with the tail on the back.

"Wow," the guy was first to speak. "That looks _great_! See, I was right."

Vienna smiled, "Why, thank you."

The guy was pulled over by another customer and Vienna walked closer to Kendall, who at this point was swallowing hard. "What do you think?" She practically whispered.

He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing really came out. So, again, he opened his mouth and said, "Wow."

"I take that as a good thing?"

"Great thing."

She smiled and spun on her heels, walking back to the dressing room. Before fully getting in, she turned slightly and winked at Kendall. His heart dropped and he sighed painfully once she finally disappeared. God, she looked good. He couldn't help but imagine touching her, her smooth light skin, feeling her shiver beneath him - brushing his lips against her smooth skin on her neck, hearing a moan escape from the bottom of her throat. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat, along with his mind, with Vienna returned dressed as before. She was placing her beanie back onto her head and hung the costume on one of the racks before walking back to Kendall.

"We can go now," She smiled.

And Kendall smiled. A nervous, tense smile.

"Coffee sounds good right now." She said, once they got outside.

"There's a Starbucks right there." Kendall said, pointing across the parking lot.

The two walked across, mainly in silence, and when arriving, Kendall stopped. He looked inside the window seeing James, Carlos, Logan, John (a friend from hockey), Gina, and Brittany. He cringed, but followed Vienna in anyway.

"Your friends are here," Vienna said, leaning against the pole as she waited on line.

"Oh," Kendall said.

Maybe they won't see me, he thought.

"Kendall?"

What a stupid thought.

He turned around to see six pairs of eyes staring right at him and Vienna. Vienna didn't even look, though; instead she just carried on as the line moved. Kendall gave a small wave, but silently groaned when they motioned him to come over.

"I'll wait with you." Kendall said to Vienna, remaining at her side.

"No," she insisted. "Go say hi, I'll get us a table. Do you want anything?"

"Get me what you're getting," He said, giving her more money then needed. "Pay for yours with it too."

"No," She smiled. "Its fine, I got it."

"Get out of here," He smiled slightly. "Just use it." He touched her arm, a feeling of complete shock running through both of them, and then he walked over to where his _friends _were.

"What's up, Ken?" John asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Chilling," Kendall responded.

"Hi Kendall," Gina said in her naturally quiet voice.

"Hey Gina," He smiled.

Small talk was made between the guys and Gina, minus Brittany and James. It was pissing Kendall off, the looks that he was getting from those two; it was pissing him off more than anything. Carlos was mid-sentence when Kendall said something.

"Sorry Carlos, but what the hell are both of your problems?" Kendall asked coldly, all of his attention of James and Brittany.

Vienna had the two coffees in her hands, walking past the table with a quick hello to everyone. She sat at a table a few feet away and sipped on her coffee as she read a newspaper that was left on the table.

"I don't have a problem." Brittany rudely responded, giving Kendall a look of disgust.

James scoffed, "Well I do."

All eyes shifted between James and Kendall, everyone remaining silent.

"What's your problem then?" Kendall asked.

"Nothing," James said. "I actually don't have a problem."

"Okay…" Kendall said, uncomfortably. It honestly hurt his feelings knowing his best friend was mad at him for something. He knew it was because Vienna, but it's not Kendall's fault that Vienna prefers him. "I guess I'm gonna go over there, see you later."

Kendall walked to the table that Vienna had picked and sat down silently. It was obvious a lot was running through his mind at that moment but Vienna didn't say anything regarding it. Only a few moments passes and Vienna slid four dollars and thirty-seven cents across the small table.

"Change," She said.

He pushed it back in her direction, "Keep it."

"I don't want it." She pushed it back.

Yes, very awkward.

He put the money back into his pocket and sipped his coffee. It was about three thirty now and Kendall was ready to leave, go back to his house because he was unsure if he could handle this awkwardness anymore. But Vienna wasn't moving. It was odd to Kendall because it has never really been awkward between them two – it was merely the fact that she hasn't really said anything other then "Change" and "I don't want it" since Kendall has returned to the table. She's always talking – always saying something – and Kendall couldn't help but sense something was wrong.

"Do you wanna go?" Kendall asked. "Not home, but like, leave here?"

He couldn't help but feel kind of bad for her. He had no idea why though.

"Sure."

They walked out together, side by side, and still quietly. The cold air was a shock being inside Starbucks it was very warm, but they soon got used to it as they left the parking lot of the shopping center and walked on the side streets. They ended up at a park. A lot of little kids ran through the playground while their guardians sat on the benches watching them and conversing with other adults. Kendall and Vienna ended up sitting on a bench further away from the playground, but in a good amount of distance to still see it.

"Are you okay?" Kendall finally asked.

It sounded weird coming out of him. He hasn't asked someone if they were _okay _in a long, long time. It was always the other way around – always people concerned for him. He kind of liked the feeling of asking, rather then being asked.

"Are you really asking me that?" Vienna laughed.

He shrugged, "I guess. I mean, you're not acting… Vienna-like."

"I was testing you."

Kendall's eyebrows immediately furrowed without thought, and he squinted his eyes a bit before saying, "What?"

"I feel like you hate me, Kendall." She said, lowly.

"I don't hate you," He reassured. "Why are you saying that?"

"I just wanted to see how you would react toward me _not _being me." She said. "I wanted to see if you liked it better."

"I don't."

He wasn't even lying. Sure, Vienna could really irritate him – but her silence irritated him even more. She was so intelligent, so outgoing; he loved to hear her talk and listening to what she has to say. She sat cross-legged and turned her body to face him fully. He shifted a little so that he was facing her as well. In this moment, the stare the two were sharing, it was not uncomfortable. It wasn't awkward. It was peaceful. Like they both need each other, some way or another.

…

_Ithyphallophobia is a morbid fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis. Did you know that?_

Kendall smirked at his phone once he opened Vienna's text. He'd been home for some hours now, it being almost 10 already. The two had gone home right after their conversation at the park, leaving off happily and awkward-free. He couldn't help but laugh at the random text. It's not like they were already in a conversation. He had just gotten out of the shower. With the towel still around his waist, and his body still dripping wet, he picked up his phone to read that.

_You're so weird & that's really random. _

He set his phone down on the dresser and dropped his towel as he opened his pajama drawer. After pulling on sweatpants, not bothering to wear anything else, he flicked the lights off, cracked his window open a bit, and crawled into bed with his phone. Almost as if on cue, his phone vibrated.

_Imagine, though? I'm sure their lives would suck. They couldn't even touch it._

Kendall actually laughed out loud, shaking his head at Vienna's bluntness. He pressed reply and said,

_I had no idea that was even a phobia. That would really suck._

He sent the text and the phone remained in his hands. He stared at the screen and anxiously waited for a response. He had no idea why he was getting so worked up over just texting with her, but he couldn't help but enjoy the feeling.

_Good thing you don't have that phobia. ;) _

He tensed, unintentionally. What was she intending exactly? Nervously, he responded,

_I agree. That wouldn't be too good. _

He waiting impatiently for a text and when it came, he relaxed.

_Mm, yep. That would be no fun. I'm gonna take a shower and head to bed. See you tomorrow Kendall Knight. :] _

He sighed, blinking heavily, and slowly pressing his thumbs across the screen.

_Goodnight Vienna. _

…

_The room was stifled. He kissed down her neck, hearing her moan from above him, and bit down on the spot he knew she loved. He kissed down her chest and she tangled her fingers into his blonde locks. She pulled him up by his hair and latched her mouth onto his for a messy kiss. Their tongues battled for dominance and he moaned into the kiss when her hand found his erection, rubbing slightly._

_She pulled her mouth away and kissed down his jaw and onto his neck. Sucking hard, she left a hickey, kissing it before making her way down on his body. She ended up on top of him, allowing her soft hands to roam his bare chest, before bringing her body down completely and pulling off his boxers. She blew on it teasingly, holding her hands on his thighs to keep him from thrusting up. She made eye contact with him, her blue eyes glistened with lust, and winked, just as she was about to – _

Kendall's eyes popped opened, rarely being able to see anything in the darkness of the room. His heart was pounding – fast – and he was in _pain. _He picked up his phone to read the time. 4:39. He bit his bottom lip hard and groaned almost inaudibly. Dreams of Vienna? Maybe not the best thing. In this moment, oh how he wished he had Ithyphallophobia_._

…

**Hummingbird- NeverShoutNever **


	10. ten

**A/N: I think I like this chapter more then any other, besides the first night Vienna visited him in his room :P Reviews are so lovely, from all of my alerters/favoriters please! I was thinking of making this two chapters but it would have been too short. Let me know what you think darlings!**

**EDIT: I re-read this chapter and found some errors due to the time span I took writing this. SO I've fixed that, just saying. :]**

**Also, check out my new James/OC – It Will Rain**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_Sweat drips in my eyes, screams of lust we cry. _

"Are you like, anti-school, when you're with me?"

It was 9:30 AM, Kendall and Vienna walked the practically empty streets this Monday morning. Vienna waited at Kendall's locker before first period, and as soon as he arrived, she dragged him out of the school. She called for both of them, pretending to be each of their parents, and Kendall willingly went along with it.

She shrugged, "No school and spending time with you, Kendall Knight… it's a win-win."

He smiled a genuinely real smile, "Hmm, guess so."

He felt at ease whenever he was with her. He felt as if this was what he needed to forget about the past that was incredulously haunting him. Whenever they locked eyes and her blue eyes sparkled, he couldn't help but smile the smallest. Whenever she spoke, he really had no intentions of ever ignoring her. He loved what she had to say, relevant or not. She always would turn his day around completely, not even bothering to expect a 'thank you' or anything in return. It wasn't like she was trying to cater to him – it kind of just came naturally to the both of them.

"How have you been feeling?" She asked, looking down at the ground as she walked at a steady, equal pace as he did.

He shrugged, "Okay, I guess." He looked over at her, she still remained staring at the ground, but he couldn't help but feel his body warm by the sight of her – despite the cold air. Her cheeks were rosy at the least bit and her hair fell in perfect curls, a lighter brown, almost beige beanie easily placed on top. "What about you?" He asked, even though he didn't expect a thorough answer.

That was another thing, though. Vienna was always so concerned with Kendall's feelings – she always wanted to be sure that he was okay. But when Kendall would even intend the conversation to lead to Vienna's feelings, she would find a way to change the subject.

"Great," She smiled, finally looking up and locking eyes with him. She licked her lips, most likely unintentionally, but Kendall couldn't help but shiver. The dream – the unusual, erotic dream – that he had last night would not leave his mind. He tried to push it aside but looking at Vienna and her perfect everything gave Kendall a hard time.

"So," Kendall nearly choked out. "Where are we going?"

"It doesn't even matter," She said. "As long as I'm with you."

…

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday weren't much different, either. Although they went to all nine classes, Vienna and Kendall were together immediately after school. It was definitely beyond odd for Kendall to be spending every free moment with someone other then just the guys, especially Vienna of all people, but he really couldn't complain because he actually loved it. And that was the most strange. Only the beginning of this month he felt like his whole world was completely crashing down and in all actuality, it was. But Vienna Chambers entered his life – almost as if she was supposed to. Her perspective changed everything to Kendall. Good and bad.

"We need to actually do something…"

The two had been walking down the very familiar streets, it being ten to five at the moment.

"Like what?" Vienna asked, turning around and looking at him, completely stopping in the middle of the sidewalk, causing him to halt to a stop as well.

"I don't know," He shrugged. "Do you wanna come over?"

"Now?"

"…Sure."

Kendall hadn't invited her over, per se, ever. She always showed up on her own, so this simple question – sure, simple to others – really got to both of them. It was only the beginning of this month that he hated her. Now she was going to his home on his behalf.

They walked silently side by side, so close that their arms swiped by each others with each step. The sun was slowly setting and the air was cool. School buses drove by and other people walked past. It was silent, only silent. When finally arriving to his house, Kendall couldn't help but feel a bit nervous. Vienna hadn't met Mrs. Knight yet, but Mrs. Knight knew of her. Kendall knew that his mother and sister were home at this point and he couldn't help but reconsider the thought of letting her in. But he found himself putting the key into the door and opening slowly, preparing himself for the introduction.

"Mom?" He called out.

"Upstairs," Katie, who was lying across the couch, said lowly. She didn't even bother to look up, not expecting anyone but Kendall, until Vienna spoke.

"Hi."

Katie's head popped up at the sound of a female, who wasn't her mothers, voice. She saw Vienna there and furrowed her eyebrows in nothing but confusion.

"…Hi?"

"This is Vienna." Kendall said lowly. "Vienna, that's my sister Katie."

"You're so beautiful!" Vienna said, smiling at the young girl. "Better watch out for her when she gets older, she'll have the guys wanting her."

Katie smirked, "I like you. Who are you?"

"Vienna," Kendall answered for her. "Stay here; I'm gonna go get my mom."

Vienna made herself at home, sitting down next to Katie – who now was simply intrigued by Vienna – and started a conversation with the young brunette. Kendall jogged up his stairs until he met his mother's room. Just as he was about to go in, he heard her speaking. It was obvious she was on the phone, but he couldn't hear what the other person was saying. He heard Mrs. Knight, though, saying: "Yeah… No he hasn't confided in me yet… I-I wish he would, he seems so broken… I know… Alright, thanks… Bye."

Kendall sighed painfully and gave himself a minute to act as if he just went up the stairs after the conversation was over. When that minute was up, he lightly opened the door and saw his mother sitting on the edge of the bed. The phone was placed next to her and her hands were on her lap – which she was staring down at. He couldn't help but shiver at the sight – knowing that the once happy, giddy Mrs. Knight was ruined by him, himself.

"Mom?"

Her head shot up and she forced a small smile, "Hey, Ken."

"My friend," He said. "Vienna… She's here. Do you want to meet her before we go in my room?"

She knitted her eyebrows together, the words 'friend' and 'go in my room' taking her off guard, but instead of fighting, she stood up and followed him down the stairs. When arriving in the living room, Katie was laughing hysterically at something that Vienna had been saying, but stopped when the two arrived, still snickering a bit. Vienna immediately stood up at the sight of Mrs. Knight and smiled softly.

"Hi Mrs. Knight," She stuck her hand out for Mrs. Knight to shake, "I'm Vienna Chambers, Kendall's friend."

Mrs. Knight shook her hand, "Call me Jen, I don't like to sound old."

Vienna smiled, "Don't worry, you don't look old."

After a quick chuckle, Mrs. Knight asked, "You're new here?"

"Yeah," Vienna said. "I lived in Miami before this."

"Oh, wow," Katie found her way into the conversation. "That's so cool."

"It's really no different," Vienna shrugged, "Despite the weather and different types of people… Well, yeah maybe it is different."

The three girls laughed together and Kendall stared at his feet, praying for this awkwardness to just be over. "Well," He said. "We're gonna go upstairs."

"Alright," Mrs. Knight nodded slowly, "I'm down here if you need me."

The two walked up the stairs together, it being the first time Vienna ever seen the bottom half of the house, walking to the more familiar part for her. Once getting into the room and Kendall shutting the door behind them, pulling the lock on the door knob, Vienna plopped down onto his bed. He sat down, more uncomfortable then he should in his own room, and looked down as he fidgeted with his hands. Vienna looked around the room and suddenly her mouth dropped a bit. She stood up and walked toward his open closet, leaning over and pulling out a very dusty acoustic guitar.

"You play?" She asked, examining it.

"Played." He corrected sadly.

"Why don't you play anymore?" She asked, practically knowing the answer.

He shrugged, "I just stopped." He said, not wanting to go into detail on why.

"How come?" She asked, obviously not giving up. She sat down next to him and placed the guitar on her lap, pulling the pick out from under the strings. She strummed all six strings easily, the sound coming out beautifully.

Kendall's eyes practically widened but he composed himself and took a deep breath. He hadn't heard the sound of his guitar since the day before Emily's death. His heart beat fast and he cringed uneasily. But then the thought of who was playing his guitar calmed him. He looked up to see Vienna playing something, something he was unaware of, but it didn't matter what she was playing. It was the fact that she knew what she was doing.

"You play?" He echoed her question.

"Mhm," She responded. "Why don't you anymore? You haven't answered my question."

There really was no getting around Vienna. "I stopped after Emily died." He mumbled.

She sighed, "That's not good. Can I hear you play?" She asked, pushing the guitar in his direction.

"I don't know if I'm ready." He coyly admitted, feeling his heartbeat fasten.

"If you're not ready now, you're never going to be." She said. "Please play… for me?"

For me.

He picked up the guitar with shaky hands and placed it comfortably on his lap. Getting the pick ready in his hand, he sighed. Only for you, Vienna. And he played.

Drive by Incubus was played throughout the room. Nothing else being said or heard. Just the song and the steady breathing between the two. Kendall played while his heart slowly broke. This all brought back so many memories – too many. Vienna wouldn't remove her eyes from his. They just stared – just stared right into each others eyes having an unspoken, silent conversation. This moment, it all felt different. It felt like they've known each other for years and they're just rekindling now. But it's not that. They've known each other for almost a month and the majority of the time he knew her, Kendall hated Vienna. But now it's like none of that even mattered. The way she sat there, listened, and stared, said so much.

"Everybody hurts, Kendall," Vienna said once he finished the song. "You're not alone."

He only nodded, trying but desperately failing to understand. He felt his cheeks burn up and his heart drop – something that happens when he wants to cry – but he tried his best to hold back the tears.

"You play beautifully," She said. "You can't let her death ruin that for you."

"I know." He choked out.

"Don't be sad," She moved the guitar and sat closer to him, grabbing his hand and intertwining their fingers. "I want you to be happy."

"Why?"

Kendall doesn't even know why he asked, but it just came out. He felt as if he didn't deserveto be happy. Why should Vienna, most likely the most perfect girl he's ever met, care about whether or not he's happy?

"I like you, Kendall," She said, their eyes locking and hands tightly gripping each others. "You deserve to be happy, even if you don't think so."

The way their skin was intact and their breathing rate was the exact same, how her blue eyes burned through him and her soft hand gripped his so tightly, how beautiful she looked just sitting right there, how happy she wanted him to be – it was all too much for Kendall. He didn't know what caused him, maybe all that was just explained, but he couldn't help but tighten his grip and lean in, allowing their lips to connect.

It was like Vienna wasn't even surprised that it happened. The moment their lips touched, the grip of their hands got even tighter and his heart rate was faster then ever. He wanted badly to just, in the most innocent sense as it could be, take her completely right in his bed at that moment. But Vienna didn't let it get further then just a brief, closed mouth kiss. She pulled away and her cheeks were a bit rosy. She smoothed her thumb over his, looking down at the light pink polish on her nails, and pulled her hand away.

"I remember when you hated me." She said lowly, practically whispering. She chuckled and stood up, "I'm gonna get going. But I'll see you tomorrow, Kendall Knight, have a good night." She leaned down and lightly kissed his cheek, pulling away and allowing her soft hand to graze the side of his face. "Smile," She said. And then, she was gone. Out of the room and down the stairs – she was gone.

…

_Vienna, are you awake?_

3:39 AM, Kendall laid awake. Why he texted Vienna, not a clue. But he was wide awake and the only thing on his mind was Vienna. Her face, her body, her words, her voice, the kiss.

_Of course. What's up?_

He couldn't help but smile at a simple response. He typed slowly, really having no idea why he texted her in the first place.

_I can't sleep. _

It was only a moment later that she responded.

_Count sheep, drink warm milk, count backwards from 100, think about everything you've done since you've woke up this morning, light a candle, listen to soft music._

All those things sounded pleasant, truly, but there was only one thing Kendall wanted.

_Or I can just talk to you._

Her response caused Kendall to smile:

_The better alternative._

So that, they did. From 3:39 all the way to 5 AM – an ongoing conversation about really nothing. Kendall fell asleep first – smiling – happily.

…

_"Happy Halloween, Kendall! Wake up, darling!"_

Kendall smiled as he heard Vienna's soft voice through his phone. He yawned, stretched, and blinked his eyes a couple of times to allow them to adjust to the light of the room.

"You sound so… awake." He groaned. "I don't know how you do it."

_"I'm like an owl,"_ She said. _"I don't need sleep."_

Kendall laughed and Vienna took the initiative to speak again, _"So when am I seeing you? Are you really still sleeping? It's almost 1:30!"_

"Shit," Kendall murmured, glancing at the clock and jumping out of bed.

_"What's up?"_ She asked.

"I have th-" He paused. "I have something to do."

_"Hmm?"_ Vienna inquired, _"What do you have to do?"_

"Therapy." He blandly answered. "Therapy." He repeated.

"_Call me when you're out, okay?"_ She asked and he could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yes, mam."

…

"Happy Halloween, Kendall." Hannah smiled brightly when Kendall arrived. "You look wonderful today."

"Thanks," He smiled, taking a seat in the familiar chair.

"How was your week, hun?" She asked, leaning over and smiling sincerely.

"My week," Kendall said. "Was actually good." And he wasn't even lying.

She sighed happily, "Oh, Kendall, that's so good to hear. So… your pills?"

He opened his mouth, allowing a short gasp to come out. In all actuality, he doesn't even remember the last time he took one. Could that be good? "I haven't… been taking them."

"And how have you been feeling? It's not healthy to just stop cold turkey…" She said.

"I know," He knitted his brows together. "I just… I don't need them."

"Does this have to do with that girl? Vienna, I believe." Hannah inquired.

He shrugged, "I guess you could say so."

"You need to take them, Kendall, if not as much then at least a lower dose. It's not healthy, like I said, to just stop. Take one tonight, then tomorrow night, and we'll do one a night until we think you're ready to stop completely. You're confusing me a bit, how only two meetings ago you wanted to have them all in one day. And now you don't need them at all… It doesn't sound too right. Just please do me that favor?" She pleaded.

He nodded, "Yeah. Sure."

He lied. Completely.

…

"Where's your Halloween spirit?" Vienna teased once they met up.

The sun was sitting on the horizon and kids trick-or-treated with their parents as teenagers prepared for the most fun night of the year. The air was definitely cooler and the wind wasn't too terrible, but it was able to be felt as any typical Halloween night.

"I don't see you with any," Kendall said, eyeing her outfit.

She smirked, "I have to look as mature as possible if we're going to get shit tonight. After, I'll pull my Halloween spirit out."

"Get shit?" Kendall questioned.

"We are not spending Halloween sober. As fun as you are, I would like to get fucked up."

He laughed, "Let's go."

…

"How do you suppose we get this?" Kendall asked, leaning against the brick wall near the near by gas station.

"Well," She pondered. "It won't hurt to try. Come on."

They walked into dim lighted gas station store – an empty one at that. A man with a long, ruffled beard leaned tiredly over the counter, not even bothering to look up when the door opened and the bells jingled. Vienna and Kendall made their way over to the refrigerated area and examined all the different beverages through the glass doors.

"Beer or liquor?" Vienna whispered toward Kendall. "Liquor gets us drunker." She answered for him.

"Liquor it is." He whispered in response. "Which?"

"Vodka?" He asked.

"Sure thing," She said. "That seems like that's the only thing this shitty place has anyways." She slid the door to the side and took out the first glass bottle of Vodka. They walked slowly and Kendall stopped her. "What?" She asked.

"Here," He handed her a 20 and she pushed it back. "Come on, just take it."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the 20, "I owe you something later then."

He tensed, but followed behind her as he watched her place the glass bottle on the countertop and smile seductively at the older man.

"Hello, miss." The man said with a raspy voice, smiling down at Vienna.

"Hello sir," She smiled. "How's your day?"

"Great," He licked his lips, pulling the bottle toward him. "27.50" He said, bagging the bottle.

"Oh," Kendall dug in his pocket, pulling out a 10. "Here,"

The man gave the change and Kendall pocketed it as they began to back away from the counter. "Thank you," Vienna smiled as the two headed for the door.

"Have a safe night," The man said. "Oh, wait."

The two tensely turned around. "Don't y'all tell no one where you got that, aright?"

The two nodded happily. "Cross my heart," Vienna declared. "Thank you so much sir! Happy Halloween!"

She skipped out into the parking lot happily, "That was so damn easy. Let's go get fucked up!"

…

Kendall coughed. Vienna coughed. They both laughed, hard. The taste was bittersweet – burning entirely when going down straight, but the affect afterward was amazing. They were halfway done with the bottle at this point, drinking no mixers, just straight. They sat on an empty dead end street, all houses having their lights off. To say they were drunk to the least bit would be accurate. Kendall's phone vibrated in his pocket and he groaned as he took it out: Logan. After pressing the speaker button, he answered.

"Hello, Logie." He said into the phone.

There was a brief silence, Logan obviously being shocked by the old nickname that hasn't been used since before Emily's death, but he wasn't about to complain. _"__What's up, buddy? Where are you?__"_

"Well…" Kendall began. "I'm sitting on a dead-end with Vienna and we're almost done drinking."

_"Wow, really? Are we not chillin' tonight? We do every Halloween."_

"We'll be there," Vienna called out suddenly, "Wherever you may be."

_"Vienna?"_

"Yes?"

_"Where's Kendall?"_

"Right here!" Kendall jumped back into the conversation. "Where are you guys?"

Logan laughed. _"__You sound so drunk, Kendall. But we're at the field's dugouts. We're drinking now, I was gonna wait for you to come before I did. But seeing as you already have…"_

"Loges, we'll be there as soon as we're done which," He paused to take a swig out of the bottle. "Will be in a short time."

He laughed again. _"__Alright, buddy, see you then. Everyone's here and can't wait to hangout with you. You too, Vienna, a new addition to the group.__"_ He paused. _"__James, shut up.__"_ He hissed, obviously referring to something that James had said.

Kendall growled unintentionally, but knowing James must have said something about Vienna and Kendall being together, but he composed himself and smiled although Logan or anyone else besides Vienna could see for that matter, "We'll be there soon. Bye!"

"Jesus, Vienna," Kendall laughed loudly. "You're so small and you're drinking so much."

"Well," She smiled hazily, "I love to be under the influence."

"Me too," Kendall smirked.

…

After stopping into a nearby store and buying bunny ears for Vienna to wear, they finally made their way to the field. There was not one sober person standing throughout this whole field – just as it was meant to be. Kendall felt at ease to be there - all of his old friends and his most recent, Vienna, being all in one place.

"Kendall!" He turned around to see Carlos and Logan jogging toward them. "What's up?" Carlos exclaimed, pulling Kendall into a messy, drunk hug.

"Vienna," Logan smiled, his eyes seeming further away then he really was. "Ciao!"

"Italian partner," Vienna smirked, her eyes mirroring his. "Buanosera?"

"Hello!" Carlos smiled in Vienna's direction. "It's great to have a new addition to the group, come, say hello." Carlos pulled Vienna off with him. She turned around and gave Kendall a small wave and smile before walking off with Carlos.

"Hey," James approached their side with a beer in his hand. "Whoa, man, someone's drunk!" He accused, pointing his finger into Kendall's vision.

Kendall chuckled, "So are you!"

"Never said I wasn't," He shrugged. "So, you're here with Vienna? What were you doing with her?"

"We're friends," Kendall said. "We hangout," He admitted with slurred words.

James walked off and Logan chuckled, "It's a shame how jealous Diamond could get. Here, have a beer. And give one to your lady, too." Logan walked off soon after.

Kendall walked into the crowd with two beers in his hands, finally spotting Vienna. Before walking over, he had to take a deep breath, feeling his vision blur and heart start to race – a huge sign that he wasn't at his drunkest point yet. But soon after, he walked over to Vienna, who was talking to Carlos and some others, and snaked an arm around her waist. He gave it a quick squeeze until he got her attention and they locked eyes. He removed his hand and handed her the beer.

"Oh," She smiled. "Thanks!" Then swiftly took a long drink out of the bottle.

One hour later, it was fun.

"Who even invited her?" They all turned to look at Brittany with Gina on one side and another girl on the other. She had her arms crossed, a personal of Bacardi Razz in one hand, and a look of disgust plastered onto her face. There had been no drama all night – that is, until Brittany decided to, well, be herself.

Vienna raised an eyebrow, eyeing Brittany's appearance. She chuckled darkly at the short dress that hugged her body tightly – she couldn't even tell what she was supposed to be. A slut, she supposed. "What does it matter to you?" Vienna inquired, stumbling but keeping herself up.

"You're the new girl," Brittany said. "You're -"

"Who gives a fuck?" Logan chuckled stepping in front.

Kendall smirked at that.

"You should just leave," Brittany said, "I don't think you're wanted here."

Vienna took a step toward her, "I think you should suck my non-existent dick, choke on it, and die."

Everyone laughed; everyone except Brittany and that one girl next to her. Gina laughed, too. And that angered Brittany to an extreme. "What the fuck are you laughing at?" She asked, only asking Gina despite the fact that everyone laughed.

"What everyone else was laughing at," Gina lowly responded, tightening her grip on her beer.

"You should shut the fuck up and stop being such a bitch," She sneered.

"What the fuck is your issue?" Kendall walked over unsteadily, laughing in Brittany's face. "You must be so jealous of Gina."

Vienna stood back, crossing her arms and smirking at Kendall's approach.

"Jealous?" Brittany let out a sarcastic laugh. "Ya, sure."

"Hey, Gina?" Vienna inquired. "Come, come hangout with us. Clearly this creature isn't being too friendly."

Gina coyly looked at Vienna, then to Brittany who looked at her with eyes that probably Gina only understood, then to Kendall who wore the same expression as Vienna, then back at the ground. "I, uh," She glanced back up to Brittany. "I'll just stay here, thanks though, Vienna."

Vienna shrugged, "Have fun with that demon."

Kendall shook his head in disbelief – he hated how Brittany had Gina under her wing. Kendall walked away with Vienna going to hangout with everyone else.

Another hour passed, and Gina made her way back over to Kendall and Vienna for a moment.

"Sorry," She said, directing it to both Kendall and Vienna. "I don't want you to think that I don't want to hangout with you. I do. But I really can't afford to have her mad at me, I'm staying by her house tonight cause my parents are away. She really would have no problem just making me sleep on the street."

"You can't let her walk all over you," Kendall softly said. "It's not fair to you."

"I know," She sighed sadly, "But I'm gonna go over there. We should all hangout one day," She smiled toward Vienna. "Good one, before, by the way."

Vienna gave her two thumbs up and when Gina walked away, Vienna grabbed Kendall's arm and smiled. "Let's go back to my house. It's already like midnight."

"What about your parents?" He inquired, "Because well, we're both pretty wrecked."

She laughed, "Yes, yes we are. Whatever, they're not home. Let's go!" She pulled his arm.

"In that case, Logan! Logan!" Kendall called out.

"What's up, duuuuuuude?" Logan was clearly drunk.

"Get us two beers for the walk home?" Kendall inquired with a goofy grin.

"Already on it," Logan said, disappearing then reappearing with two beers. "Be careful!"

The two walked off together, drinking their beers and allowing their arms to touch. They heard Logan scream out a muffled curse, laughed at him, and Vienna began to twirl. The whole walk to Vienna's house consisted of them dodging eggs being thrown, pushing each other playfully, throwing her over his shoulder, and random-drunk conversations. It was all so perfect.

…

"We've arrived," Vienna smiled, opening the door and holding out her arm as if to tell Kendall to enter.

"Home," Kendall said. "Sweet home." He went straight for the stairs, not caring whether or not Vienna was going to follow. Oddly, he remembered where her room was and once he got in, he kicked his shoes off and plopped down onto her bed.

After Vienna pulled her combat boots off, she plopped right next to Kendall. It reminded them both of the night they got high together. How their arms touched and their breathing was in tact. How they felt weightless, like nothing even mattered. Only tonight, the room spun like a motherfucker.

"Make it stop," She groaned. "It's spinning, it's spinning so fast."

Kendall couldn't help but laugh, hard. "I- I know," He choked out between laughter. "It's g-going so fast."

Somehow, her hand found his and they intertwined their fingers loosely. The light was off and it was completely dark, despite the small white lights she had hanging around her perfectly done room. The moment was pretty much perfect, nothing could rui –

"Oh, my God." Kendall jumped up off the bed.

"Down the hall and to the right," Vienna laughed, knowing exactly where this was going.

Only momentarily later was Kendall dry heaving over the toilet, desperate to have anything come out. Vienna stood over him, soothingly rubbing his back, while trying to hold back her own. He plopped away from the untouched toilet and sat on the ground, pulling Vienna down with him.

"I. Am. So. Drunk." Kendall said, snorting with laughter.

She plopped down onto his lap, unintentionally really, and smirked. "M-Me too."

"Do you think Emily's mad at me?" He inquired, placing his head on Vienna's shoulder, wrapping his arms loosely around Vienna's small waist.

"No," Vienna was quick to answer. "She's glad you're doing something rather then moping around."

"This takes over my mind," He whispered.

"See," She sighed. "This is why you should see the glass as half empty. When the whole thing spills, you won't be as devastated. Be happy," She traced a circle into Kendall's palm. "For me. For yourself."

"I like you," He simply admitted. "You don't pressure me and you don't care."

"I care," She said. "I'm just good with people's – no, your – feelings."

"Where are your parents?" Kendall asked, pretty much disregarding their earlier conversation.

"Well," Vienna said. "My mom's probably fucking the guy that we moved here for, which she claims it was just for a change… bull shit. And my dad's probably down at a bar drinking away at his sorrows from being cheated on. Dysfunctional motherfuckers." She sneered.

"Whoa," Kendall said. "Really?"

"Do you have to throw up or can we go cuddle in my bed?" She asked, completely ignoring his question.

"Let's go," He waited for her stand up and when they were both standing, they had an incredibly difficult time standing. So after a few moments of loud laughter an unsteady walking, they were finally underneath her covers, completely clothed and innocent, laying side by side.

After shooting his mother a quick, _I'm sleeping by Logan's_, sure that something was misspelled, he snuggled into Vienna's side and fell into a deep, profound sleep.

…

Apology [acoustic]- Alesana


	11. eleven

**A/N: Hola! This chapter is just a filler for the upcoming, so don't worry. Thank you for all the favorites & alerts. I love to get those, please review if you haven't already. :$**

**EDIT: Sorry about these annoying edits, but I meant to ask: I have two ways this story is about to go. Just out of curiosity though, would you prefer if I do choose to have Kendall & Gina have any type of 'relationship' to have a chapter or two focused on them? Or would you prefer a brief chapter, tying up the beginning of whatever the two have? It goes for Vienna and James, too. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_I'll burn your name into my throat. I'll be the fire that'll catch you._

_She was bloody. Bloody and bruised. Her skin was more pale then usual and her body was skinnier then ever; her pupils were blown scarily wide, her white dress had rips and tears, exposing the skin beneath which was terribly scratched up. Her face was pleading – desperate. She dragged her feet across the cold ground, desperately making her way over to Kendall._

"_Kendall," She says – with a voice much more sour then he remembers. "Y-You're cheating on me. W-Why are you cheating o-on me? I-I thought you l-loved me?" She begins to cry. But there are no tears. Just blood – dripping from her eyes. She brings a boney hand to her face, slowly touching the pale skin of her face. "I'm bleeding." _

_Kendall tries to walk to her – to help her. But she takes one step back as he takes one step forward. "Why did you do this to me?" She yells so loud. "Why did you kill me?" _

_He can hear his heart – half beating, half breaking. It's pounding in his head and it's pounding in his ears. "You killed me!" She yells again. _

"_Emily, I –" _

_She doesn't let him answer. She begins to run so far, so far. _

Kendall jumps from the unfamiliar bed. His heart is beating too fast, he's dizzy, he's sweating, he's nauseas, he's still a little drunk, and he's crying. He blinks his eyes multiple times, tears falling as he tries to adjust to the darkness of the room. He notices the deep red walls and small white lights hung around the room aren't his. Then he sees Vienna, looking half beautiful, half drunk. She was sitting there, next to the now empty space that Kendall had recently filled. Her hair was curly and her eyeliner was dripping a bit, due to the alcohol from earlier that night.

"Kendall," She soothingly says. "Sit down."

He shakes his head like a maniac, backing away from the bed. "N-No. Y-You lied to me!" He yells.

"What are you talking about?" She asks, quirking an eyebrow.

"You said Emily wouldn't be mad at me," He cries. "She's mad! This is your entire fault! I hate you."

Vienna stands up from her bed, inching her way toward Kendall. "Can't you see you're doing this to yourself?" She asks in a low tone, despite the venom Kendall is using toward her. "Can't you tell this is no one's doings but your own?"

He backs away from her – like if she touches him, he might die. His eyes are bloodshot and tearful and again he shakes his head. "You don't even understand." He said angrily. "I _killed _her. She's dead because of me! And I thought that for some fucking stupid reason that if I somehow let _you _into my life, Vienna, that I could somewhat move on from the fucking past that has been haunting me ever since E-Emily died. But it's like you fucking get into my mind! You tell me things that are lies! Who are you to know Emily wouldn't be mad at me for tonight? I'm doing things I know I shouldn't."

Vienna blinks – saying nothing.

"I should've remained hating you, like the first day I met you, because you're stubborn and rude! It's like you don't even have a heart at all! You're so caught up in being miss independent, showing that you don't fucking care about what people think about you. You fucking rub it in my face because you know you can. I hate you so much, I hate you Vienna."

She doesn't look taken back, the least bit. "Kendall, I-"

"Just shut the fuck up!" He yells. "I don't want to talk to you ever again! I should have never even kissed you. I should've never let you in my life at all." He grabs for his shoes, stumbling to put them on, and throws his jacket back on, heading for the door.

Vienna just stands there silently, watching as Kendall struggled to do everything without mistake. As soon as Kendall reaches the door, putting his hand on the knob and twisting it quite angrily, that's when Vienna finally says something.

"Goodnight, Kendall."

He couldn't help but falter at the use of _only _his first name. _That _was different.

…

Where he was going was completely beyond him. All that mattered was the fact he left Vienna alone in her house – which, yes, meant her parents _still _weren't home – it was three o'clock in the morning, it was cold, and he really had no idea where he was heading. His breathing slowed down a bit, allowing him to adjust to reality, and when he did, he nearly died. He hated himself so fucking much right now – why was he letting this do this to him? He was pushing out every good thing that had come to him; he was allowing the dead girl to completely and utterly control his useless life. But, it wasn't useless. He has so much potential, so much going for him. He doesn't realize that whatever occurs could make him stronger rather then weaker, like he is now.

With teary eyes, he begins to walk again. He doesn't know where he's going, but subconsciously he really does. The streets are empty and he feels so alone – cold and alone. He turns down a block and he's trying to process what's going on in his mind. He passes two houses and his heart is back to its fast pace. Finally, he's walking up now very familiar steps, leading him to the one place he _knew _he would end up by. He rings the bell and waits. The door is opened and he sees the one thing he feels he needed.

Vienna arches an eyebrow at him and shakes her head, trying to hide a very visible smirk. "Kendall… hello."

He blinks slowly, in hopes of just waking up in his bed – happy. But when he opens his eyes, Vienna's still standing there – blue eyes glistening in the dark from the street light and full lips pursed as she waits for a response. "Vienna, I-"

"Come in," Vienna motions him in. "its cold out here."

Kendall is in complete and utter shock. He expected to be told off and have the door slam in his face, but here he is, standing in the living room of the girl's house that he just blew up on. It amazed Kendall how much patience that Vienna had for him – proving he could do anything and she would still be there for him. It's like no matter what, she would always be there for him.

"Vienna, I wanna say I'm s-"

"I'm sorry Kendall," Vienna says, completely interrupting whatever Kendall was about to say.

"You're sorry?"

She nods.

"But, why are you sorry?" He asks. "I should be the one apologizing…"

"Look me in the eyes and tell me that everything you said before you left was the truth." She took one step toward him and this time he didn't back away. "_Everything._"

His green eyes looked straight into her blue ones, an unspoken conversation being held. "I can't," He admitted.

"Can't what?" Vienna asked spitefully, due to the fact that she already knew what he meant.

"I can't say that…" He coyly stated. "I can't say it because I'd be lying."

"What were you lying about before, Kendall?" She slowly made her way into his mind, completely and utterly tearing it apart. "Tell me."

She inched toward him again and for once since his whole time knowing her, he didn't tense up. "I don't hate you," He whispered. "I can't hate you." He bit his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.

"I know."

Then all of a sudden it was just like they were sitting in his room yesterday, the guitar forgotten and their lips attached. Only this time, it was more then just a gentle, simple kiss. There was more to it – intensity, emotion, feeling, and lust. He pushed her against the front door, which was now closed, and his arms wrapped around her small waist. Her hands found his hair and she grabbed a few locks between her fingers. He desperately tried to pull her closer – almost impossibly close. His tongue traced a line on her full bottom lip and she opened her mouth to accept. The two tongues battled for dominance in such a heated kiss, almost as if they _both _needed this.

Kendall was first to pull away due to the lack of air. Although their lips weren't touching, the rest of them were. "Come," Vienna said. "Let's go back to my room."

Vienna walked up her stairs, Kendall following closely behind. They returned to her room and she immediately went for the bed. Kendall stood by the door after closing it, watching as she just sat there without the blankets on her yet, looking back at him. "Are you gonna be all Edward Cullen on me and watch me sleep from the corner of my room?"

"Vienna," Kendall said. "Why do you deal with me?"

She shrugged. "I like you."

"No, really though." He sighed. "I'm not good to you."

"I know," She said. "You're actually like a huge fucking dick to me. But when you're not breaking down, you're really, _really _amazing. I like you, Kendall. I don't know why and I probably shouldn't even, but right now I don't want anything more then for you to just climb into this bed and lay with me like we were before the mishaps."

He nodded, his green eyes glistening, and walked to the bed, pushing off his shoes and jacket once again. He sat down next to her and this time, for the first time, _he _grabbed _her _hand. They laced their fingers and rested back, finally lying down next to each other. They pulled the blankets up and closed their eyes in hope to get some rest due to this night's events. Five minutes of silence.

"Vienna?"

"Mhm?"

"I like you too."

**...**

Kendall cracks his green eyes open, just to snap them closed again. He had expected it to still be nighttime, but when opening his eyes, the morning sun completely took him by surprise. His head is pounding and his stomach is turning. He glanced over to his side and notices that he's alone. He takes this moment to actually take in his surroundings, starting with the dark dressers and how neatly they're aligned, the bookshelf with multiple books scattered throughout, her guitar on a stand with a notebook and a guitar book next to it, then to her closet which was now opened, he noticed how all of her jeans were on the left side, all sweaters in the middle, and all regular shirts on the right. Not one was misplaced. He was about to move onto the next thing before the sound of the bedroom door was opened.

"Good morning, Knight." Vienna smiled, saluting him childishly. "It's approximately 1100 hours, sir."

He glanced over to the clock, reading 11:23 on it, and turned back to Vienna with a smile on his face. He got out of the bed, stretching his body causing his shirt to rise up. When coming back down, he caught Vienna staring, but before he could tease in any way, Vienna spoke, "The body on you. Mm, mm. Come," She grabbed his hand. "To the kitchen we go!"

"Where are your parents?" Kendall asked once he was seated on the island. He felt strange asking, because they seemed to be always out.

"Never came home," She nonchalantly responded, ruffling through the refrigerator.

Kendall couldn't see her face due to the fact that she was deep inside the fridge, but he couldn't help but notice the flame in her voice – like she was annoyed with it. "Have you called?" He asked, hoping to get more out of Vienna.

"No," She said, pulling out the milk carton and closing the refrigerator. "It's nothing new, so they're bound to be home sometime…"

Kendall had picked up Vienna's forgotten bunny ears from last night, examining it and twirling it in his hands. "With what you were telling me last night, about your mom, was that tr-"

"Didn't think you'd remember," Vienna laughed, pulling out two mugs and placing them in front of Kendall. "Splenda or sweet and low?"

"Splenda," He shrugs, never really being able to tell the difference. "But yeah, I very vaguely remember." He chuckles.

"Very long night," Vienna said. "As much fun as it was, I'm glad it's over. I'm so ready for Thanksgiving."

Kendall nods in agreement and places the bunny ears down to take a sip of the now served tea that Vienna had prepared. She leans over the island across from Kendall and sips on her own drink. Kendall found it incredibly difficult to look directly into her eyes, being her face was only a few mere inches away from him. He allowed his eyes to wander around the kitchen – right, left, up, and into his cup.

Vienna laughed and Kendall looked back up to her. "What are you thinking of?" She asked.

"Nothing." He lied.

"Just tell me." She smirked.

"You tell me," He intended.

"Well," She said. "I sort of asked you first."

"Doesn't matter."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Well," Vienna said. "I'm thinking of how I really like you here."

Then it was silent and Vienna didn't look the slightest embarrassed. Kendall took a tense sip out of his mug and placed it down, fingering the top of the cup.

He finally looked up, "I was thinking that too."

…

"Just sit with me; you don't even have to pay attention to Brittany."

"I'm with you every minute after school everyday. I won't die without you for these forty-three minutes."

Kendall sighed as he leaned against a random locker next to Vienna's. It was Monday afternoon, a few minutes before lunch, and Kendall had met Vienna at her locker. Vienna had pulled out her dark leather jacket and began to put it on as Kendall watched carefully.

"But we're like… friends now." Kendall said, pondering over the right words.

Vienna laughed, closing her locker and turning around to face him directly. "Oh, is that so?"

"Yes." Kendall smirked. "And friends sit with each other at lunch."

She shrugged and started walking, Kendall following beside her. "Well, maybe tomorrow or something."

"Where are you even going?" He asked, wondering why she had put her jacket back on in the first place.

"Getting some fresh air," She shrugged. "Or something. I don't know."

"Vienna, just come and sit with-"

"I'll see you later Kendall," She was quick to interrupt. And with a soft kiss on the cheek, she was sneakily out the back doors of the school when no teachers were looking.

Kendall walked with a content face and an easygoing feeling today. He couldn't say that he was a changed man overnight – that he was okay with Emily's death now – but he didn't want to run to the bathroom and cry and scream and curse and die. He was slowly returning to the guy he used to be. Slowly, with the help of Vienna.

"What up Kendork." Carlos nudged him once arriving to the lunch table, taking his respective seat next to Carlos.

"Hey Carlitos," Kendall greeted, "Hey Loges."

"How was the rest of your night Saturday?" Logan asked, referring to Halloween night.

"Good," Kendall smiled. "I slept over at Vienna's."

"Really?" Logan asked, eyebrows furrowing. "Are you guys like together, or something?"

"Nah," He was quick to answer, but he wasn't completely sure in the most honest sense.

Carlos lounged back, taking a swig of his Arizona can. "James wants to ask her out, so it's good you don't have a thing with her."

Kendall tensed up and desperately tried to hide the fact that it bothered him. He seemed to have done a good job when Logan and Carlos changed the subject and welcomed the rest of the table into the conversation. Kendall tried, oh how he tried, to keep himself occupied with the table's conversation, but it was hard to do when imagining James and Vienna… together.

…

Kendall leaned against the schools doorframe, waiting for Vienna's arrival. They had plans, which were more like the usual now, to meet up and hangout for a little while. He noticed her, walking down the hall by herself - her glasses resting easily on her face and her leather jacket hugging her perfectly. She smiled and once Kendall smiled back, he felt a hand be placed on his shoulder from the other side. He turned to see Gina, smiling softly in Kendall's direction.

"Hi Kendall," She said sweetly. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, hey Gina," He gave a small smile. "Good, how are you?"

"Good," She said. "Hi Vienna."

Kendall glanced over and saw that Vienna had arrived. Her glasses were now off and she glanced at Kendall before smiling over at Gina. "Hey Gina."

There was an awkward silence before Gina spoke up, pushing a blonde strand of hair behind her ear, "I, uh, I'll see you later. Bye Vienna."

Vienna gave a small smile.

"Bye, Kendall." She blushed, touching his arm and walking the other way.

Vienna and Kendall stepped outside and began to walk in the brisk new November air. "Oh, she wants you." Vienna laughed, once being a good amount away from Gina.

"Who?" Kendall asked. "Gina?"

Vienna nodded and Kendall scoffed, "Nah. We're friends."

"That doesn't stop her from wanting you." Vienna smirked. "She's a good girl."

"She is."

"Ask her out," She nudged his side.

"No."

"Why not?"

Kendall really didn't know why, to be honest. It was painfully obvious that Gina had a thing for Kendall, whether he'd admit it or not. And while Vienna admits she likes Kendall, she never goes to the extremes to get him to go on a date with him. Gina is a sweet girl, and to Kendall they don't really come nicer then her. He pondered the thought of going on a simple date with her and it didn't seem to be the worst idea.

"Well, I don't know."

"You should give it a chance." Vienna shrugged. "What's a life without chances?"

…

_Hey guys, wanna go down to the rink in a half hour or something? _

Kendall stared at his phone before pressing send to Logan, Carlos, and even James. He waited a few minutes before getting three 'yes's' and began to scramble through his closet in attempt to find his skates. He hasn't skated since before Emily's death, much like any other thing he would do for fun, but tonight he felt as if he really wanted to. Hockey was, and still somehow is, a huge part of his life. He and his team won many championships, he was the team captain, and he was an overall really amazing player. But like any other good thing in his life, he allowed it to crumble beneath him.

It was only forty-five minutes later that the four hockey heads were skating across the empty rink and passing around a puck between them. They played a few rounds – actually enjoying themselves. But once the few games ended and they leaned against the wall surrounding the rink, is when the real topic came about.

"So," James said, leaning against the wall and watching as Logan and Carlos passed the puck playfully to each other only a few feet away from Kendall and James. "I think I'm gonna talk to Vienna tomorrow during math. Ask if she wants to go out or something."

Kendall was expecting this. He knew it was going to come up – it _had _to come up. But he couldn't help but get angry. "Cool." He attempted at contentment in his voice.

James nodded. "Yeah, I think she's into me. One date and I'll have her under my wing." He snickered, flipping his hair and giving his signature smirk.

"Yep," Kendall said. "Sure."

…

_You're going to get asked out tomorrow, just a fair warning. A heads up, per se._

Kendall laid in his bed that same night, his mind automatically telling him to text Vienna. Whatever the conversation held, he loved to talk to her.

_Oh yeah? From who?_

He cringed just at the thought. It really shouldn't be getting him _this _aggravated.

_Mr. Perfect Diamond._

It took a longer time then usual for her to answer. It was strange to Kendall.

_Oh. _

Such a simple response kind of made Kendall cringe, but then she sent another text and he couldn't help but smile.

_A date won't hurt. I'll most likely be thinking of you anyways._

He sighed and slowly type in thought of what to actually say.

_If you don't end up in his bed like every other girl, call me after. I would love to hear how it went._

Truthfully, he was throwing James under the bus. It wasn't the nicest thing, but it was the truth. James could have any girl – why try to take the one who is bettering Kendall?

_I'll be sitting on your tree branch after midnight. And I wouldn't even dare end up in his bed. Not on the first date anyways. ;)_

Kendall cringed but he knew she was kidding… hopefully. Before he could answer, she sent another one.

_I'm off to bed or something. Fun fact of the night though? I can't stop seeing your eyes whenever I close mine. Goodnight Kendall Knight. x_

And when he closed his eyes, he saw hers too.

_Goodnight Vienna. x _

…

**Caraphernelia- Pierce the Veil ft. Jeremy McKinnon **


	12. twelve

**a/n: hello c: this chapter is short and jumps around quite a bit – but if you're a good "read between the lines" type of person, you'll know why i'm including such "useless" parts to the chapter. kind of a filler, but drama is to come. chapter twelve, for all of you. o:) please review? please d:**

**so, although it won't be for a _while _since i'm not only working on this, i also have my very new James/OC, i'm beginning to brew up ideas for a Carlos/OC. for now, i'm contemplating the idea of it revolving around a domestic-violence relationship-y type thing. gonna be a bit difficult to write a very angsty Carlos, but i like the challenge. _sound like a good idea or should i think of something else?_**

**disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_Pour me out on the concrete next to your feet. Do I have to cry? Can you hear me?_

Substitute teachers were always the most fun. Not only did it make the day go faster, but it also allowed you to sit anywhere you want. Ms. Walsh, math teacher of not only Kendall, but also James, Vienna, and even Gina, had not shown up to class today, causing an older woman, a much older woman, to take over the class. She sat behind the desk, glasses placed comfortable on the bridge of her nose, and wrote rapidly on papers – not paying any attention to the obnoxious, loud student's right in front of her.

Kendall had walked in a bit later today then usual, due to the minor panic attack he had just an hour before. It was rare for him to get those ever since him and Vienna had began to brew up whatever it was that they had, but this morning, for some reason, his anxieties were high. He took the magic little pill and honestly, he forgot how _great _it made him feel. Walking into the class, his eyes scanned over the sub then to the students. He couldn't help but narrow his eyes when seeing Vienna and James in conversation, probably discussing their _date _that Kendall was so sure James had already asked for. Vienna glanced over, biting her lip, then giving a small wave and smile. Kendall smiled back – he couldn't deny the smile from her. He took his time entering more and finally saw Gina sitting alone, not talking to anyone. There just so happened to be an empty seat next to her, so after giving the sub his name so she could mark his attendance, he trotted down the aisle and plopped down next to Gina.

"Hey," Kendall smiled. "What's up?"

Gina glanced over, "Oh, Kendall, hi."

Kendall actually did genuinely like Gina. She was pretty, kind, considerate, friendly, and overall a great girl. He also had an extreme soft spot for her. Emily was Gina's _best _friend. They did everything together. It's strange, even now – months later, to see Gina and Brittany being the "best friends." Kendall, in his opinion, believes it's a whole load of bullshit. He believes that Brittany is a whole load of bullshit. Brittany had used Emily to an extreme. Since Emily was such a wholehearted person, she accepted the friendship from the once 'loner' Brittany. Since then, Brittany took complete advantage of it. It was funny, though, in the vilest sense, that Brittany spent more time making sure she looked good for Emily's funeral, rather then being like Gina, who had been a wreck the whole time. Brittany was 100 percent and so obviously over Emily's death, while Gina was still working at it – in addition to being piled by Brittany's bullshit.

"Subs always make the day go faster," Kendall chuckled awkwardly, attempting to make conversation.

Gina giggled. "Yeah, it does. How have you been feeling?"

"Good," Kendall's face softened. "You?"

"Better," She sighed. "Trying."

It seemed like Gina always wanted to talk about Emily's death and while Kendall liked her, it was an extremely difficult topic for him. But the pill, that small white pill, it goes a long way. Of course his heart drops at her name or the topic, but he's able to contain himself in front of her as she goes on to say,

"I mean, I want to get better. I want to but it's hard. I do something that makes me happy and I automatically think 'oh, me and Emily used to do this' and then I get sad all over again. You know? I'm tired of being tired but I feel guilty if I enjoy myself."

Kendall sighed – he could completely and 100 percent relate to her. "I know. Believe me, I know."

"Don't blame this on yourself, Kendall." She looked down to her hands, pulling on the sleeves of her shirt. "It wasn't your fault. It wasn't mine either. It was the drunk drivers fault."

"I know."

It was quiet – for three minutes at most. Despite the talking among other students, it was quiet between them. Kendall sighed and shook his unintentionally, in hopes to get the thought of Emily out of his head.

"Let's hangout sometime, Gina," Kendall said. "Just me and you."

He shuddered immediately after his request. It felt odd – hanging out with a girl alone besides Vienna. But she was the one who recommended it. While Vienna's on a 'date' with James is when Kendall would hangout with Gina, he thought.

"I would love to. When?"

"I'll text you soon and let you know when I can."

In other words, _I'll text you and let you know when I find out when James and Vienna go on their date._

…

"So, I saw you and Gina hitting it off during math today."

Kendall and Vienna walked together after school – the cold weather being almost unbearable and it only being the beginning of November. Vienna kicked absent-mindedly at the leaves beneath her feet and unlike the first day, Kendall grew accustomed to it. It no longer bothered him; at times he would even join in.

"Yup. Just as I saw you and James hitting it off."

Vienna laughed. "Got a fun filled night planned for Friday – as James put it."

Kendall blinked slowly, "He asked you out?"

"Yup," Popping the 'p', "7 PM, Friday night."

Kendall nodded.

"And you?" Vienna asked. "Any fancy plans with Gina?"

"I asked her if she wanted to hangout,"

"And?"

"We planned for Friday too." He lied. Completely. Making a mental note to text Gina with those plans the minute he got home.

It was silent for a few moments, before Vienna nonchalantly responded, "Cool."

…

The week flew by – surprisingly. The last few days have been undeniably different for Kendall and Vienna. It was as if as soon as they made plans with other people, there were some unsaid things going on between the two. They tried to ignore it, but it was obvious it was there.

Again, the two walked in the cold after school. It was quiet, as the last few days, and it was weird to Kendall that Vienna wasn't chatting up a storm like usual.

"So am I gonna see you tonight?" Vienna finally spoke, much more quiet and mumble-like.

Kendall knitted his eyebrows together. "But you're going out with-"

"I mean after."

"Do you want to?" Kendall asked, awkwardly keeping his pace the same as hers.

She mumbled a quick yes before chuckling softly and saying, "Don't fall asleep and leave me sitting on your tree in 20 degree weather."

"I'll stay up just for you."

…

Gina's blonde hair was pin straight, the length had definitely improved, and she wore a pretty Hollister complete outfit – topped with tall black Uggs. Kendall watched as she walked toward him, meeting him at the Dunkin Donuts that Vienna had gone to the first time they cut class together. He took the few moments she walked to him to compare her to Vienna. It wasn't that he wanted to – it just came naturally. They were _so _different. While Gina dressed like most girls in Sherwood high school – Abercrombie, Hollister, prep-like, Vienna had her own unique style – following closely if not definitely a hipster like style. Gina's undeniably shy, while Vienna, she just isn't. That's something Kendall loved about Vienna; her differences to not only Gina – but everyone.

"Hi," Gina gave a small smile as she finally approached him.

"Hey," Kendall said, opening his arms and giving her a quick hug.

They walked blocks – a lot of them. Side by side, with a decent amount of space between them, they walked.

"How was your day?" Kendall would ask.

"Went slow," Gina would reply. "I'm glad we're finally hanging out though."

Then a few more unfamiliar blocks they would go down.

"My brother hasn't been feeling too well," Gina would turn the topic. "Doctors said to not worry too much though, its normal."

"It's good he finished chemo," Kendall would respond. "One step closer to recovery."

Even more blocks as the hours went by and they got further into the neighborhood.

"Oh, my God that was hilarious!" Gina would choke out between laughter. "Her face was _priceless._"

"God," Kendall would laugh out. "That was so long ago."

Then finally their night came to an end. After hours of random conversations, more serious ones, funny memories, and a longer hug then before – Kendall was walking into his house after walking Gina home. Tonight was fun for him. It wasn't overwhelming, it wasn't constant talk about Emily, and it was just an overall calm setting night. It couldn't have been better in his case.

"Kendall? Hey."

Mrs. Knight stood in the lowly dimmed kitchen with a mug in her hand and a long robe. She looked extremely tired – like she had already been sleeping – and yawned before Kendall answered.

"Hey mom," He said, slowly making his way further into the house.

"Where were you?" She asked. "With V-V…"

"Vienna," He said. "But no. I was with Gina."

Mrs. Knight titled her head a bit and knitted her eyebrows together, "Reinhart?"

Kendall nodded. "Goodnight mom."

"Goodnight," She yawned.

Kendall jogged up his steps, stopping in the bathroom to wash up, and past Katie's room where he could hear the music coming from her iPod, then finally to his room. He changed out of his clothes, throwing them in the hamper, and threw on his sweatpants and white v-neck. Walking past his guitar, he strummed all six strings and sighed, finally plopping down on his bed and staring at the nothingness in front of him.

He did that for an hour and a half.

It was like he was waiting for something – subconsciously he knew. And when he heard the small sound of something hitting his closed window, he smirked – knowing exactly what would be waiting. He walked over, glancing at himself in his mirror, before opening his blinds and seeing Vienna sitting on the branch. He pulled open the window, grabbed her bag first and placed it on his bed, and then helped her in.

"How was your night?" Vienna was quick to ask, sitting on his bed and pulling her crossover bag off, placing it behind them.

"Good," He said. "How was yours?"

"Good."

It was quiet – oddly. Vienna always had something to say.

"Um," Kendall quietly said, finally sitting next to Vienna. Vienna's black skinny jeans touched Kendall's gray sweatpants and she seemed so incredibly small next to him. He stared at their thighs as he went on to say, "What did you guys do?"

She shrugged. "Saw a movie. Nothing major. Put his arm around me, is all. But no need to talk about it. We're hanging out now." She smiled.

Kendall sighed, one of contentment, and smiled. "What do you wanna do?"

"Do you sing?" She asked, confusing Kendall immediately.

Truth was, Kendall used to love to sing. Along with his guitar, he would spend a lot of his time sitting in his room, teaching himself to play and sing. It was odd that Vienna would ask that, so randomly too, but the majority of things she would say were random.

He shrugged slightly, turning his body toward hers when she did. "I did."

"And you stopped?" She inquired.

Kendall looked to the floor and Vienna pushed her body up against the wall Kendall's bed was against. He looked to her and she motioned him over with her hand – then he sat next to her. Their backs were against the wall, heads leaning with it. Their arms and legs touched, Kendall getting the chills the instant they touched, and Vienna removed her sweater, causing her bare arm to touch his.

"Sing me something."

Kendall shut his eyes, swallowing hard, and shaking his head. "No."

"Please." Her voice was soft, as usual, but it sounded honest.

"I can't now." He said, eyes still shut tight. "I will. Just not now. Not tonight."

"You will though?" She asked, tracing imaginary circles onto her thigh.

"Yes."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

…

They sat in silence for twenty straight minutes. It wasn't an awkward silence – it was comfortable. This felt so right to him – just sitting in his room at 1 AM with Vienna next to him, practically skin to skin. Gina was a good girl, Kendall knew that, he enjoyed his time with her tonight, but sitting here with Vienna made him forget all about it. He silently hoped Vienna felt the same way, replacing Gina with James, of course. He doesn't know what it is – per se – but it's different. He doesn't want to say he's in love with her, he can't, and he doesn't even want to say he likes her like _that._ It's different. Just so, so different. He wouldn't change it though – even if he wanted to, it seemed almost nearly impossible. They keep falling back to each other, no matter what, it's like it's only them two at the end of the day. Literally.

"Margaret Atwood once said 'A voice is a human gift. It should be cherished and used.' I hate sitting in silence with people." Vienna says and Kendall cringes, disappointed that she didn't feel the same way. But then she goes on to say,

"But I love it with you."

Then he smiled.

"What if we never met, Kendall?" She asked, placing her hand barely an inch away from his.

He shivered when she rubbed her pinky against his, locking them together so that it's the only two fingers intertwined. "That wouldn't be good."

And that was 100 percent true. Vienna had completely changed him and although he had a hard time actually admitting it – he knew. He allows himself to live now, thanks to Vienna, he allows himself to breathe. He's not back to his old self, afraid he never will be, but he's changed. He did things he swore he would never do after Emily's death. He doesn't know how to thank Vienna without actually admitting that without her he'd still be insane. Well – more insane.

"Why am I here right now?" She asked, then locking all fingers with his, their hands held closely together. "Why am I with you?"

"Because," Kendall choked out, staring down at their intertwined hands. "I want you here and you want to be here."

"Couldn't have said it better myself," She chuckles softly. She drops her head onto his shoulder and he could hear her silent breathing. He eyes her, without moving his head, and sees her blinking her long natural eyelashes every few moments. His heart is racing and his mind is following close behind – he's all scrambled up in his head but it doesn't even matter. To have Vienna holding his hand, using his shoulder as her head rest, is the only thing that matters.

It's strange to him.

"Now that you're in my life, I can't imagine it without you." She quietly admits. "Whether you feel the same or not."

Silence.

"And I don't mean it in any other way then to have you as just my friend and that is all. Right here. Right now. With my head on your shoulder and your hand in mine – I love having you as my friend."

Silence.

Her grip on his hand loosens and he snaps to reality, realizing he hadn't answered her. "I like having you here." He gives her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I just want you to be happy."

And with you, he wanted to say, it's possible.

But he didn't. Instead, he rested his head on top of hers and closed his eyes. Anyone who could see them at this moment would automatically think: perfection. They look so underlying _perfect. _Hand in hand, skin to skin, eyes closed and content smiles. But it's strange that an appearance could only go so far. It could scream so many things but the truth that lies beneath it will _always _come out. This wasn't perfect – hell, it was far from it. And while they would love this moment to last forever, it can't.

…

**Pour Me Out- He Is We**


	13. thirteen

**a/n: yes! another update c: i hope you all enjoyed your thanksgiving's – my favorite time of the year is now beginning :D writing Kendall's panic attack definitely had me overwhelmed – I used to go through them terribly. anyways, reviews are appreciated from all my alerter's! and keep me super motivated. c: & i'm sorry if smoking weed isn't really something you guys enjoy reading or doing or whatever, but it plays a part in this story, so yeah.**

**there's a _Looking for Alaska _reference in this chapter. c: **

_**now that we're deeper in the story, do you guys like Vienna? what about her do you like and dislike?**_

**disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_I'm locked away inside this grave. And now I'm hoping for a way I can be saved._

His body was trembling and his heart was beating at an unexplainable rate. He was lightheaded, nauseas, and dizzy. He was getting hot flashes, but chills were sprawled across his skin. His finger tips and toes had pins and needles, he felt practically numb. He felt terror, like something unimaginably horrible was about to occur and he was powerless to prevent it. He felt smothered – like he was going to die.

It was Saturday, November 23rd – just five days away from Thanksgiving. The moment Kendall opened his eyes this morning, his whole world came falling down upon him and there was nothing he could do to prevent it. Every morning and every night leading up to today had been small snippets of this feeling. Maybe one day he was nauseas and the other he was lightheaded. But today, this morning, it was too much – all of it. He literally, in the most honest sense, felt like he was going to die. He called his mom, as loud as he could, and she came rushing into the room. She calmed him, or tried to, until he was able to get out of the bed. He had therapy in only twenty minutes and Hannah might be the only person who could make him feel the slightest bit sane.

Since that last Friday that Kendall had hung out with Gina, Vienna with James – nothing much had changed. Despite the fact that Kendall and Gina had been spending quite a bit time together – nothing major, of course, but they had been walking home from school or hanging out one day of the weekend. Vienna had been telling Kendall of things that James planned for them two; whether it were the movies, ice skating, or just "chilling at his house." It still kind of bothered Kendall, just the thought of them hanging out, but since Kendall had been with Gina, he couldn't complain when James and Vienna spent the night together. Besides that, Kendall and Vienna always spent the end of their days together. Whether she would climb in his window or he would sneak out and meet up with her; they were always together when the sunset.

Mrs. Knight walked Kendall in today – afraid that if he was left alone, he'd pass out or something. They might not share the same relationship that they had before, but she still cared as much, if not more, about her son. Mrs. Knight left Kendall outside of Hannah's office with a soft rub of the arm and an "I'll be back in 45 minutes."

"Kendall," Hannah said, concern etched across her face. "You don't look like you feel too well, is there something going on?"

He was still shaking and he couldn't stop. Slowly, he lifted his hand until it was leveled with his face. "It- it won't stop."

She nodded – understanding completely. "Kendall, what do you feel right now?"

"I- I'm gonna die." He spat out. "I'm gonna."

"You're not going to," She soothingly responded. "You're not going to die."

Suddenly, she began to talk to him about something completely out of the blue – with no relevance to his life at all. But, he listened. And only 10 minutes later, he was calm. He still shook a little, but he felt better – like he wasn't going to die.

"Now," Hannah said, crossing her hands onto her desk. "How do you feel?"

"Better."

She smiled softly then returned to a more serious look. "Kendall, what you were having is a panic attack. Basically, it's just an intense feeling of fear."

Kendall nodded. "Yeah."

"The first step to recovery is understanding what's going on in the first place. All in all, you're really only doing this to yourself. You need to talk to yourself in your head or even out loud if that works better. You need to say 'this is _so _stupid.' You need to understand that it can't harm you. You won't die from it and it's not a heart attack. Here," She says, pulling a rubber band out from the desk.

"What is this for?" He asked, taking it and examining it.

"Put it on your wrist," She said. "And whenever you feel _any _symptom of your panic attacks, I want you to pull it and allow it to hit your skin. It's gonna hurt, most likely, but it's also going to snap you out of the panic attack."

Kendall pulled it back and allowed it to snap back on his bare skin. Then he did it again. And again. Hannah was talking to him but he couldn't hear him. He stared, without blinking, down at the rubber band making contact with his skin. Again. And again. And again.

"Kendall," He shot his eyes back to Hannah, realizing that he had been ignoring her. "Don't do it unless you need to, okay?"

He nodded.

"You _will _be okay, Kendall." She said softly. "It takes time. Even if it's a lot of it."

…**..**

Monday came. And Monday left. With no sight of Vienna – it had Kendall feeling strange.

_Are you sick?_

He texted as soon as the school day ended, but he didn't get an answer.

Then Tuesday came and she wasn't there either.

Finally, Wednesday came and Vienna didn't come to first period. It was the day before Thanksgiving and the last of school that week. Second period rolled around and when the class had 15 minutes left, Vienna came strolling in. She looked so… tired. She didn't even bother to spare Ms. Walsh a glance when she was eyeing her suspiciously.

"Do you have a pass, Vienna?" Ms. Walsh asked, turning her back to the math problem on the board.

"No."

"Were you called in?"

"No."

"You can't just come in 15 minutes late with no pass or excuse."

"Well I don't have either."

Ms. Walsh scoffed, obviously annoyed with the attitude coming from Vienna. "I don't want you in here with no pass and that attitude."

"So you want me to leave?" Vienna hadn't even sat down yet.

"Just," Ms. Walsh hissed. "Get out."

"I'd love to."

She walked out, opening the door and allowing it to slam behind her. Kendall was in a state of shock and he could hear Ms. Walsh mutter, "No respect from these students."

When class was over, Kendall was quick to get out of the class – not even bothering to see James or Gina. All he wanted was to see Vienna. And when he walked to his locker, there she was. She was leaning against it with closed eyes.

"Vienna?"

Her blue eyes popped open and she let out a sigh, "Hey."

"I texted you after school Tuesday." He said, opening his locker and placing his math book inside.

"My phone broke," She mumbled.

"Why didn't you come to school the last two days?" He asked, shutting the locker and leaning his shoulder against it.

"Let's cut," She said quietly. "I have weed and I need it."

Kendall thought for a moment but finally, willingly agreed – he could use some, anyways. They walked side by side silently, sneakily out of the school, and onto the school's empty field. They finally reached the bleachers used for the games and they sat underneath them, in a more secluded place. It was quiet but they could hear the wind and cars driving by the school every so often. Leaves from the now leave-less trees were all over the ground and it was cold out. Vienna sat against the metal of the bleachers, her leather jacket hugging her tightly and her combat boots placed on the concrete. She was quiet today and Kendall didn't like it too much. She pulled the Hello Kitty bowl from her pocket and placed it on the concrete in front of her. She pulled the bag of weed and the lighter out and placed it in front of her as well. After a few moments of packing, Kendall watched as she pulled the bowl to her beautiful mouth and took the green hit, or the first, allowing the smoke to completely fill its way inside of her. She held it in for quite a while before blowing it out into the air, in perfect ringlets. Kendall took the next hit and for the next few minutes that's all they did in complete silence – stopping every so often so that she could re-pack the bowl.

"Big blow out," Vienna says, finally breaking the silence. Her head was leaned back against the metal and her eyes were a bit red now, from the weed.

Kendall eyes mirrored hers, "What?"

"That's why I wasn't in school the last two days." She blinked.

"What big blow out, though?" Kendall asked, taking another hit from the bowl.

"My parents," She scoffed. "Or whatever they are."

"What happened?"

"My mom didn't come home until late Sunday night." She sighed. "I guess my dad had enough of her bullshit. He kind of flipped out on her and from like 3 AM until like 7 AM they fought back and forth. Breaking shit, yelling, cursing."

Kendall bit his bottom lip, feeling genuinely sorry for her.

"It's so fucking annoying when they fight. My iPod couldn't even block them out. The people next door had the cops called on us and we got some warning shit. I stayed in my room the whole time though and when it quieted down, I went down. The whole house was a wreck and neither of them was home. I know she hit him and he probably hit her too. I spent all Monday cleaning the house and Monday night they wrecked it again. So Tuesday I stayed home to clean it again. I don't like messes." She chuckled lightly.

"Wow," Kendall breathed out, watching Vienna take the last hit of the weed they had. "That's not good."

"Nope," She said, popping the p. "I don't understand why they just don't get a divorce already."

This was new. Kendall wasn't used to Vienna venting to him but he liked it. It was like he was the one always doing the venting and to have it changed up, he liked it.

"Maybe they love each other enough to work through it." Kendall suggested.

"No," She practically hissed back. "My dad's just afraid to be alone. And it's like, hey, I'll be there! But no. I think they forgot I'm even alive. I gave up trying to stop their fights like two years ago. They would scream and curse and I would be there screaming with them, but they just ignored me. It's not like they shooed me away or anything. I was invisible to them."

"So, you moved here because-"

"Because my mom and her stupid needs." Vienna scoffed. "I knew she was cheating on my dad and he even knew it. I don't even know how they met but all I do know is that my mom was quick to beg my dad to move here, to Minnesota, out of all places! From Florida, like come on. But of course my dad is just so vulnerable, he went with it. Immediately, too."

"It felt weird not talking to you for two days." Kendall coyly admitted.

"Yeah," She sighed. "I wanted to talk to you."

"How did your phone break anyway?" Kendall asked.

She chuckled darkly, "It was the closest thing to my dad when their fight first started."

"Are you gonna get a new one or get it fixed?"

"I guess I'll go after school – or whatever, today."

Then it was silent and she spoke again. "When I was younger I used to write stories."

And then she talked. And talked. And talked. And talked. This was the Vienna that Kendall liked. Hours went by. Hours as in, school ended. Then hours went by after that and Vienna pulled another bag of weed out claiming she "forgot she had it" and they smoked that. Then another hour and it was dark out. They didn't think it was possible, quite honestly, to sit in the same place hours on end just _talking. _But they couldn't _not _enjoy it. It seemed like such a short time but it was dark and no one was around. Just the two of them.

Vienna finally stood up, stumbling a bit but composing herself. "Wow," She laughed. "We've been out here for so long!" She was shivering a bit and Kendall couldn't help but just take in her beauty right at that moment.

"Yeah," He scratches the back of his neck. "I guess I could just listen to you all day." He sheepishly admits.

"I like that."

They begin to walk side by side, across the field and in the dark. It's quiet and the wind had picked up. "Do you ever just feel so free?" Vienna breaks the silence.

"W-What?"

"Like, no one else it around you." She says. "You can just do whatever you want."

She stops walking and sighs, closing her eyes and tilting her head up. She grabs his hand, stands on her tiptoes, and goes to his ear, "Run, run, run, run…"

Then she takes off with her hand in his, running across the field – and Kendall runs behind her – half confused, half overwhelmed.

…**..**

It's Thanksgiving and Kendall tries to think of the things he's really, genuinely thankful for. Vienna, for one thing, is something he's extremely grateful for. That's kind of a shame though – Vienna over everything. Sure, he was thankful for his family – but they barely associate with each other – and his best friends, but they've always been there. And honestly, there was nothing else that he could name – besides the mere fact that he had shelter and food, of course. It was Jen Knights turn to host the Thanksgiving party this year and she had been up since early, early this morning preparing all of the food with Katie's help.

Kendall stayed in his bed for as long as he could, really not wanting to get up at all. He wasn't in the mood to have a majority of his aunts, uncles, and cousins over. He didn't feel like having to fake a smile and hear so many people ask him how he was. He especially didn't want to see Brad, his cousin who only had one year on him. He never really liked him but he never had a choice – they were blood related. Brad was the type of person who, when family and adults were around, would be the sweetest friendliest guy. But once no family or adults were in sight, he turned into the world's biggest dick, ever. There's an uncountable amount of times that Kendall and Brad had physically fought on Kendall's behalf. Kendall, even before Emily's death, has quite the temper – if you get him mad, he'll most definitely, without a problem, let you know.

Dragging himself out of bed, he made his way over to his window – only to be completely taken back from the sight before him. It was snowing. He doesn't really know why he's surprised, to be honest, because Minnesota is very likely to get snow starting this time of year – even earlier. But, to Kendall it was an odd sight. It's been a while since its snowed and deep down, Kendall _loved _this time of year.

After a few moments of staring at the small, white flurries falling from the sky, he walked over to where his phone had been charging overnight. He internally wished Vienna had gotten her new phone yesterday. But instead, she spent the whole day and night with him and when they finally parted, all the phone stores were closed. She was the only person he really wanted to talk right now, honestly. He yawned, walking over to where his phone was charging over night, and saw he had two texts. One from Gina.

_Hey, Kendall, I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful to have you in my life because lately you've been making me happy. Thank you. Have a wonderful day. :)_

Then one from James.

_Kendall I need to talk to you about something _

He decided to not answer James – afraid it might ruin his day. He planned on texting him sometime tonight – he did not look forward to that. But he did answer Gina's.

_Happy Thanksgiving, have fun today. :) _

He felt bad not giving her some heartfelt response; thanking her for being in his life and making him better. But he didn't want to lie. Sure, she was great – but she didn't change him much. She was just part of his life. Yes, a good part – but not the source for his bettering.

Not like Vienna was.

…

There was nothing more that Kendall hated then the fake smiles he had to give.

"How are you?"

"How have you been?"

"How are you feeling lately?"

"Any new girlfriends?"

"_How are you?"_

"_How are you?"_

"_How are you?"_

He wanted to just scream to them to shut the fuck up – but he wasn't going to ruin this for his mom, as much as he wanted to. He sat on the couch, examining his surroundings. His grandpa, who was now unfortunately a widower, sat with his two uncles and one aunt on the other side. Kendall tried to pay attention to the football game on the television but found it incredibly difficult – constantly cringing when Brad would talk. He sat with Kendall's other cousin, a 23 year old cosmetologist, about all of the girls who are _"already" _begging him to go to prom with him this year. Kendall didn't believe him – not even a little bit.

"Jen," Kendall heard one of his uncle's calling out. "Where did you put the gravy?"

Kendall then heard his mother mumble, "Shit." And came walking into the living room with a face of annoyance. "Kendall," She smiled. "I'm sorry to be such a pain, but can you go up the block and buy some gravy before all the stores close?"

He jumped to his feet, practically halfway out the door. He would do anything to not be there at this moment. He took the money Mrs. Knight was holding out for him, threw on his jacket, gloves, and beanie, and made his way out of the house after calling out a quick "No!" When Mrs. Knight suggested Brad go with.

The snow fell in light flurries, landing atop his beanie. He looked up and the sky – the sun was practically set and the street lights were beginning to turn on. Some houses on the block were completely empty and others had families within them. The streets were pretty empty for the most part, though. So, as he walked – he really didn't expect to see anyone. Finally, he arrived to the store, which to his mother's consent, was definitely not just "up the block." A man called out to telling him they were about to close but Kendall just waved him off and got one of the very last gravy's sitting on the shelf. When he was done paying, saying thanks to a man who wished him a happy thanksgiving, he stepped outside just in time for the snow to fall a tad bit heavier. It wasn't exactly sticking to the ground yet, but it was clearly visible. He felt bad for anyone who had to spend the holiday alone, and although he wasn't exactly in the mood for anyone in his family, he was pretty grateful. It could be worse, he thought.

Just then, in his mid-thought, something in his peripheral vision caught his eye. He glanced over and let out an audible glance when seeing what stood just there. Her brown curls fell loosely, snow flurries resting atop her beanie-less head. She wore a red pea coat and, from what Kendall could tell, was wearing stockings along with her, now signature, black combat boots. She was walking on a curb, staring down at her feet, and keeping herself steady. No one was around – it kind of just hurt Kendall to see her alone. Of course, he walked over to her and she looked completely taken back when she glanced up to him.

"Kendall," She smiled softly.

"Vienna, what are you doing out here?" He asked – quite nervously.

She shrugged. "It's snowing." She says. "I haven't seen snow since I was about twelve."

Kendall bites the inside of his mouth, unsure of what to say. "Happy Thanksgiving." She says before he could say anything.

"You, too." He says, sadly. "W-Why aren't you with family?"

"Why aren't you?"

"I had to get gravy," He chuckled lowly, holding up the grocery bag.

She nodded.

"So why aren't you?" He asks again, in hopes of getting an answer.

"No one's home," She shrugs. "Why should I be?"

"You have no aunts or uncles to celebrate Thanksgiving with?" He asks, quickly regretting it, remembering why they moved here in the first place.

"No," She says, looking down. "A majority of them are down in Florida."

Kendall nodded. "So… come have dinner by my house. I have a lot of my family there."

"No that's okay."

"Vienna," Kendall sighed. "Please, just come."

It took a few minutes for Vienna to finally, unwillingly, agree. Kendall had called his mom on the walk back and Mrs. Knight was definitely fine with it, claiming that they had more then enough food for everyone and taking a liking to Vienna the first day meeting her. When finally arriving back to the house, everyone was still sprawled across the kitchen and living room – the turkey hadn't been ready yet.

Each guest eyed Vienna suspiciously once they stepped inside, but both of them ignored the questioning looks and stepped into the kitchen where Mrs. Knight had been preparing the food.

"Mom," Kendall said. "Here."

Mrs. Knight accepted the bag and smiled toward Vienna. "Hi, sweetie, happy thanksgiving."

"You, too." Vienna smiled. "You look a little overwhelmed, would you like help with anything?"

"Oh," Mrs. Knight smiled. "No, no. Thank you. Kendall, bring her upstairs and put her jacket in your room. Food's almost ready now."

The two made their way upstairs, but Kendall stopped them right outside his bedroom when he heard talking. He hushed Vienna before she had the chance to speak and pressed his ear to the door to hear what was being said inside.

Barely, he heard the voice of a guy, "Yeah, baby, I can't wait to see you tomorrow. I'm gonna fuck you so hard." He mumbled huskily.

Kendall practically growled; kicking the door open so hard it was surprising that it didn't break. Vienna nearly jumped at the sudden loudness but composed herself when noticing the guy.

"Brad," Kendall said with such obvious annoyance. "What the fuck are you doing in here?"

"Alright, I'll call you later sexy," He said into the phone before hanging out. "Oh, hey little 'cuz, it's about time you – oh, hello." He eyed Vienna hungrily, such disrespect flaunting.

"Just get out." Kendall said, grabbing Vienna's hand into the room.

She remained quiet, just looking at Brad as if he were some monster.

"Does Kendall have a _girl friend_?"

It was silent but Vienna made the move to take her jacket off and place it on Kendall's bed – which she spent so many nights on. Kendall nearly fainted when taking in Vienna's full appearance. She looked flawless. She wore a short, black Solstice dress with light, black stockings and combat boots. A gold cross hung long from her neck and she wore cross earrings. Kendall blinked slowly, shaking any unpleasant thought from his mind and focusing on his main source of agitation.

"Get out," Kendall said once again, stepping closer to Brad. "You have no reason to be in here so get out. Now."

Brad smirked – a cocky, unpleasant grin forming across his face. "See you downstairs little 'cuz and too-good-for-Kendall-girl… which, my oh my, you've done-"

Kendall pushed Brad out, slamming the door behind him. He could hear Brad chuckle and he just cringed at the noise.

"Cousin?" Vienna asked, knowing the answer but finding it necessary to ask.

Kendall nodded, swallowing hard. "You look amazing." He coyly admitted.

She smiled and glanced down at her clothing, "Oh, thanks."

They simply just smiled at each other.

…**..**

It's completely and utterly unexplainable how bad Kendall wants to hop across the table and beat the living shit out of Brad. He's never had more anger toward him then now and he wanted badly to just release it all on his face. There were two tables – ones for the adults, such as the parents, aunts, uncles, and grandpa. Then one for the cousins – all of them. Kendall barely touched the small amount of food on his dish, not even having the appetite at all, and Vienna only had a small salad in front of her that she barely touched either. She wasn't uncomfortable or anything – just not exactly hungry.

Brad had been being completely disrespectful the whole night and Kendall was the only one to see it. He assumed Vienna saw it too because all his dirty remarks and husky looks were sent in Vienna's direction. Kendall's cousin, the cosmetologist that Brad had been talking to earlier, was in the middle of telling Vienna how _beautiful _her hair and skin is. She was asking if she used anything specific but Vienna said only regular face wash and shampoo. Besides Brad's annoyance, everything was going _okay. _His grandpa had left earlier, not wanting to drive too late and when the snow got heavier – and once he did, things only went downhill. Not wanting to disrespect his grandpa, who was the only one he could really tolerate, he kept himself in tact, reminding himself not to plunge across the table. But he left. So Kendall didn't care.

All the cousins sat in the living room as the adults cleaned around the kitchen and Mrs. Knight brewed up the coffee and readied the desserts. Brad sat dangerously close next to Vienna on the couch and she tried to move over but would have ended up on Kendall's lap if she moved any closer.

"Can you move?" Vienna finally broke out of the silence that she has been in, not even bothering to look into Brad's brown eyes as she could practically feel his breath.

"Am I too close?" He asked, quite smugly.

"Yes," She breathed out. "If not, I'll just get up."

She prepared herself to stand up, practically out of her seat, when Kendall pulled her down and stood up himself. "Just move, Brad."

"What the fuck are you going to do about it?"

"Just move," Kendall growled, moving a bit closer to where Brad was seated – still dangerously close to Vienna.

Brad stood just as tall as Kendall, if not an inch or two taller and smirked incredibly close to Kendall's face. "What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Going. To. D-"

It happened so fast that he could barely remember even doing it. All he knows is that he's looking down at Brad who fell back onto the couch with a bloody mouth. His fist ached and Vienna jumped from the couch. Brad was just asking for it all night and finally he got what was coming to him. Kendall was way stronger then thought out to be.

"Mom!" Katie yells out so loud – but not soon enough.

Brad knocked Kendall down and the two are on the floor – viciously punching each other at any chance they get. Brad barely gets a punch in before two of their uncles are pulling them apart, yelling for them to stop. Vienna stands there, quite shaken up but clearly amused – as the other cousins also. Brad's bleeding pretty badly and Kendall's face barely had a scratch. As for his fist, well that was aching like a motherfucker.

Mrs. Knight gives him a disapproving look, but she knew that Brad was always a little sly – even before Kendall had changed.

He couldn't erase the glare on his face as he watched Brad get treated like a baby. After washing off his face at the best attempt, Brad, his parents, and younger brother had left before something else got out of hand. Everyone else stayed but they all threw questioning glances and suspicious stares in Kendall's direction.

He didn't give two fucks.

…**..**

"Have you always not liked him or was it just tonight?"

Kendall lay across his bed with his head a few mere inches away from Vienna's stocking covered legs. She held an icepack to Kendall's bruised fist and he took in the wonderful scent she gave off, due to how close they were sitting.

"I never liked him," Kendall responded. "He always ticked me off."

"I can't believe you did that." Vienna laughs softly. "It came as a huge surprise."

He shrugs his shoulders as much as he could lying down. "It felt good, despite my fist now."

"So," Vienna lowly inquires. "Do you have plans tomorrow?"

Kendall's immediate response, "No."

"Do you want to help me decorate my house?" Vienna laughs softly. "My parents won't do it this year and Christmas is the best. Plus, the snow is coming I see. So I would like to get it over with before it gets worse."

"Of course."

It was still odd to him, having Vienna on his bed after his family left on Thanksgiving. Not just that though, the fact that he could consider her a friend still had him baffled. He wasn't complaining, no he definitely was not complaining. It was just something that completely came out of the blue – something that he had not expected. He tries hard to tell himself that that's all she is though – a friend. A wonderful, beautiful, spectacular, amazing friend. She meant a lot to him now, which made him wonder.

But he just practically beat up his cousin for her.

That had to count for something.

…**..**

_What's up? Sorry I didn't answer you earlier._

Kendall lays in bed that same night, after Vienna left and a quick, useless stern talk from his mother. He opens his texts rereading James', then finally decides to text him back. He's a little anxious to find out what it is that James needs to talk to him about. Only a few moments later, he finds out.

_It's about Vienna. You're the last person I'd want to come to for this but you seem like the only person she opens up to… uh I don't know. We've been hanging out but I'm not sure if she's being 'herself' to me. Is there something I should know before I try to take it to the next step? _

He cringed. He cringed so hard he nearly threw his phone across the room. He couldn't keep doing this to himself. But she was only a friend, right?

_She's just an overall amazing girl. She has her flaws but they could be so quickly erased, overcome by the cons. She's beautiful and has an amazing way of getting into my head, finding out how I feel without me even having to tell. She can make me feel so much better and she can never bore me. I think she's perfect – but she claims that's not real. _

But then he erased it. Because even though that's how he felt, no one was allowed to know. Instead, he sends:

_She's a great girl. Anyone would be lucky to have her. _

His heart feels like its dropping but he tries so hard to ignore it.

_So I should go for it? _

No, he wants to write back, no! Don't go for it. Don't go for it. Don't go for it. Please don't. But instead,

_If you really think you wanna._

He's subconsciously waiting for the day that he comes to realization – the day where he grows the balls to do what he _really _wants.

…

**You Are So Beautiful- Escape the Fate**


	14. fourteen

**a/n: so it really saddens me to have all these wonderful alerters and only three consistent reviewers throughout every chapter D': i want to know if this story is being enjoyed! LET ME BEFRIEND YOU ALL. **

**not _much _happens in this – i'm sorry for that. :$ next chapters _definitely _will, ok? **

**ok so, without further ado – chapter 14 for you c: **

**REVIEW PLEASE. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR. **

_But I won't let you fall; I'll see you through them all._

"_Come on, Kendall! It's the greatest time of the year." _

Kendall chuckled into the phone as he rubbed his tired eyes and sat up from his bed. It was the day after Thanksgiving – Friday, November 29th.

"But," Kendall yawned intentionally into the phone. "I _just _woke up. And wait, how are you even calling me? Did you get a phone?"

"_So that means you must come." _She chuckles lightly. "_And yeah, I went early this morning. Like, at nine. But Kendall, it's not even early, first of all. And second, decorating is hard work!_"

Kendall hadn't forgotten that Vienna had asked him to help decorate. Clearly, Vienna didn't either.

"How is it outside?" He asked, finally getting out of bed and stretching his upper body.

"_Cold,_" She said. "_But there's no snow on the ground and it's not snowing at the moment. So get your ass out of bed and over to my house and we'll decorate and have a beautiful Black Friday." _

Before Kendall could respond, Vienna gasped into the phone. "_Oh, my God! It's Black Friday, let's go shop somewhere!" _

"Easy," Kendall genuinely laughed into the phone, "Let's take stuff one step at a time. I'll be over soon, let me just get ready."

"_Just walk in. No one's home and I'm cleaning my room – the door will be unlocked." _She said, and Kendall could hear stuff being thrown around. "_Oh, don't eat anything either. I baked cookies last night and I want you to have them, okay?" _

"Alright," He laughed again. "I'll see you soon."

"_See you soon, Kendall Knight."_

**...**

There was definitely the winter feel in the air, even though it wasn't actually winter yet. Cars were everywhere today, shopping completely undergo. Kendall walked with his hands shoved deep into his jackets pockets and tried to quickly get to her house. When finally seeing the familiar beautiful home, he sighed in contentment and trotted toward the door. Remembering she told him to walk right in, he did just that. He could smell something had been baked recently and he couldn't help but smile a little just at the thought. Walking through the kitchen, he saw a large platter with various different shapes and sizes of Christmas cookies. He smirked, grabbing one, and making his way up to the room that he has now visited plenty of times.

There was a reindeer on his cookie and after taking a bite of half of it, he had reached her room. The door was slightly opened so Kendall just pushed it open with his foot and stood there with his jaw completely dropped.

"Holy fucking shit, Kendall!" She gasps, shocking Kendall out of his stare. "You scared the living hell out of me."

There Vienna stood, looking completely flawless and breathtaking in only a pair of, maybe too-short shorts, and a white tank top – something that Kendall would believe she wouldn't want him to see her in. The tension was high, at least on Kendall's part. All in all, he _is _a teenage guy, these feelings he has no control over are normal. Vienna didn't seem bothered that he was staring at her like she was the only thing he could see; she only smirked and pointed at the half eaten cookie in his hand.

"I see you helped yourself," She laughed. "Are they terrible? I made them at like 3:30."

"N-no," He chuckled out nervously, "They're actually really good." He popped the rest into his mouth and chewed slowly.

"You can sit for a bit," She said, motioning to her bed. "I wanna just finish this up and change into something way warmer."

Kendall plopped down onto the bed and watched her every move. She folded clothes and placed the neatly into her drawer, wiped down her mirrors with some kind of cloth, sprayed the room with some kind of freshener, then finally stood in the middle of the room with her hands on her hips, looking at her surroundings.

"Okay," She sighed. "Now I'll get dressed and we'll be on our way."

…

Two hours, it had been. Two long hours of freezing their asses off and putting up beautiful decorations. They were on the last decoration, moving onto the inside to put the tree up and decorate that. But as soon as the last light was hung on the bush, an unfamiliar car, to Kendall at least, pulled into the driveway. Kendall glanced to Vienna, who wore an indescribable look, and to the car where a man stepped out. He was big, but not fat. He was built, but not scarily muscular. He had these piercing blue eyes that had some similarities to Vienna's but only his were way brighter – almost a mixture between an unusual blue and green. He had a scruffy beard, nothing too obnoxious, but like he hasn't shaved for a few days. Slamming the car door, he walked toward the house with his head down.

"Dad," Vienna said, once he had approached them.

But there was no response. Instead, he had walked inside the house and slammed that door as well.

"Invisible," She laughed. "I'm just invisible to them."

Kendall bit his lip because although she was laughing, he knew there was more to it. To be ignored so easily like that? Impossible to just laugh at it. This is what bothered Kendall about Vienna – from the moment he met her until now. She is just so damn stubborn. It doesn't matter what she feels, nope, not at all. She's there to help him through it all and slowly, Kendall's beginning to realize there might be more to her. More to the girl who is so, _so happy. _

…

In his head, Kendall could see the tree that he had helped Vienna put up and decorate earlier today. It was quite large, especially compared to Vienna's small frame, and it was even taller then himself. When going back into the house, Kendall was actually nervous to see her dad. But luckily for him, he must have gone up to his room or, well, anywhere but there. Vienna's mood surprisingly didn't change after the awkward encounter with her father, but Kendall did notice the moments where Vienna's expression would totally transform into one that seemed to cross paths with hurt and anger. But when she would look up and Kendall would look away, she would quickly wipe it off and make some other remark to make Kendall laugh – and forget about the pained expression, although subconsciously it stayed in his mind.

He really did feel bad for Vienna. He knows how it felt to have a parent ignore you. Exhibit A: his father. It pained Kendall to hear Vienna tell him she was invisible. If anything, she was the opposite of invisible to him. She was everything needed in a girl and more – so much more. He closed his eyes in attempt to fall asleep but he couldn't. Something, in the back of his fucked up head, was telling him he couldn't sleep. He sat up, shirtless and in only a pair black sweats, staring into the nothingness of his room. His eyes wandered aimlessly across his room until they locked onto his guitar. Slowly, he stood up. He felt very anxious at this very moment, as he walked to his desk first, grabbing a notebook and pen, then over to his guitar and grabbing that too. He sat back down on his bed and tapped his fingers on top of the guitar for a good four minutes, just staring down at the pick that was stuck between two strings. Finally, after taking a deep breath, he pulled the pick out and began to play. The music he was playing was completely new to him – had he never played this before. It kind of just came naturally. He dropped the guitar on the bed, the pick on top, and opened the notebook to a new, clean page. Picking up his pen, he began to write "_Inv" – _when his phone began to vibrate.

"Hello?"

"_Kendall," _The voice was tired. "_Hey._"

"Gina?" Kendall inquired. "What's up?"

"_I, um, I couldn't really sleep._" She blurted out. "_I'm not one to; uh, randomly call like this or whatever. S-Sorry if I woke you. But I just, I uh-"_

Kendall laughed. "It's fine. What's up?"

"_I was um, thinking, do you want to hangout tomorrow or something?"_

Kendall closed his eyes. "Sure."

"_Are you sure?_" She blurted out. "_If you're busy that's totally okay."_

"Uh," Kendall cleared his throat. "N-nope, I'm not busy."

"_I'll, um, text you tomorrow?" _

"Sounds good."

"_Great," _He heard her sigh. "_Night."_

He put his phone down quite forcefully on the blanket. Gina was a great girl, really, but he felt almost like he was betraying by hanging out with her. But when she asked, he felt he was unable to say no. He wanted to fucking scream right now, with the weird anger that had managed to boil up, but then his phone vibrated again. With the name that he was more the relieved to see.

"Hey."

"_Ugh, fuck everything!" _

Kendall's jaw dropped. "Vienna, what's wrong?"

"_You know what fucking sucks?_" She sounded heated – beyond it.

"What?"

"_Living in my house with these God damn psychopaths. Kendall, I swear, they're giving me gray hairs." _

"What happened?" He asked, staring down at the "_Inv"_ written in bold letters on the page.

"_They've never been __**so **__annoying! And it's like I don't even – ow, fuck." _Kendall could hear cars driving by and the wind was so heavy the static through the phone practically hurt his ears.

"Vienna, where are you?"

"_Somewhere," _She laughed. "_Out of my house, thankfully."_

"Vienna," He said sternly, "It's practically 2 o'clock!"

"_And?_"

"And it's freezing and late and scary and dangerous."

The line was quiet and Kendall was actually afraid.

"_Kendall,_" She whispered.

"Yeah?"

"_Can I please come over?_"

Her voice was so different now. It sounded quiet and hurt and lonely and scared. Kendall, himself, wanted to cry. "God, Vienna, you don't even have to ask. Just come please."

"_Okay._" She whispered before hanging up.

Kendall threw his head back before throwing the notebook onto his desk and putting his guitar back to where it originally was. Exactly 12 minutes went by before Kendall heard the low knocking on his window. Quickly, he made his way over and pulled her in. Her body was freezing, despite the peacoat she wore, and her cheeks were rosy. Her eyes were watery; Kendall was unsure if she was crying or it was just because of the wind, but he helped her out of her jacket and sat next to her on the bed. She took her glasses off and placed them on small counter near his bed. She was being unusually quiet and it really, really bothered Kendall. Kendall stayed quiet too though, because he felt like if she wanted to talk, she would have. He, himself, didn't necessarily mind the silence – it was relaxing. But he knew for a fact that Vienna hated it, and even though she had admitted she liked it between them two – he still knew it was something Vienna wouldn't want. He looked down at her dark blue leggings, tight around her thin legs and the short sleeved white shirt she wore with it. She looked freezing.

"Here," Kendall said, standing up and breaking the silence. He went into his closet, pulling out one of his many hoodies. "You look freezing."

She grabbed it with shaky hands. "Thanks." Then pulled it on and pulled the zipper up all the way. It was silent again and Kendall sat back down next to her, his bare upper-body was still revealed but he didn't feel any awkwardness, thankfully. She, after a few more moments of silence, then placed her hand on Kendall's thigh. Kendall had to fight back a million and one thoughts in order to keep himself cool.

"Thank you so much, Kendall."

"You're welcome," He honestly and sincerely responded. "You're _always _welcome."

She sighed. "If I'm not invisible to you, Kendall, I don't care if I'm invisible to them."

"You're not invisible to me." He responded, placing his hand in hers. "It's impossible."

She looked up to him with blue, hopeful eyes and he looked down at her with green, hopeful eyes. And then she kissed him and it wasn't forced or awkward or weird or full of tension. It was just a kiss – a simple, closed-mouth, quick yet long, emotional kiss. She pulled away and he pulled away and they just stared into each other's eyes for a few moments. Nothing else mattered but now. The fact that Kendall was hanging out with Gina tomorrow and _not _Vienna, didn't matter. The fact that since Kendall was going to hangout with Gina, Vienna will probably end up hanging out with James – that didn't matter either. None of it did. All that mattered was this very moment.

"Goodnight?" She says – as if she's asking him to sleep in his bed with him.

He nods, pulling the blankets back as she fixated herself beneath his covers. "Goodnight, Vienna."

She lifts her hands and pulls Kendall down toward her. "You are just so amazing." Then kisses him lightly once more before closing her eyes. Kendall bites his bottom lip – hard. He's so fucking conflicted at this moment. He shakes his head and walks over to the desk where he had placed the notebook. He glanced back, making sure her eyes were still closed, and then opened the page to where he was before. Quickly, he finished off the _'Inv' _adding '_isible.' _The word '_Invisible' _stared at him as he stared back. After tracing the letters with his fingers, he closed the notebook and climbed over and into the bed with Vienna. He lay incredibly close to her, slowly and hesitantly wrapping his arms loosely around her waist. He felt her softly graze his hand, a way of saying it was okay he was doing that, and then it dropped again and he assumed she was falling asleep.

As he, himself, fell into his deep sleep, he couldn't help but just see '_Invisible_' being thrown at him. His mind was flowing with many ideas and words and chords. He knew what he was going to be spending a lot of his time on for the next few weeks. A song.

Inspired fully and completely by the one and only Vienna Chambers.

**...**

**Invisible – Big Time Rush**


	15. fifteen

**a/n: hi, I love you who reviewed. THEEENK YOU. ~ **

** you might hate me for this chapter**

** or maybe you won't**

**i've been waiting to write that last scene` **

**i hope i don't let any of you down ._. **

** i cut this chapter off kind of oddly, but i intend on **

** updating the next chapter pretty soon c: **

**PLEASE REVIEW. ~ they keep me inspired to write & update quicker.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_You're not alone, there is more to this I know. You can make it out – you will live to tell._

"This is so weird – I'm not really one to actually like, you know, admit stuff like this." She laughs shyly. "But hanging out with you, especially since like two weeks ago, I really grew to, um, like you. Like, uh, like you."

Kendall had been expecting this. Why shouldn't he? Since the day after Black Friday, he had been spending _a lot _of his time with her. So why was he beyond hesitant once her admittance came out?

Because it wasn't who he wanted to say it.

Sitting in the closest Starbucks near the neighborhood, was where Kendall and Gina could be found. He knew for a definite fact that she saw him as more then a friend and honestly, it didn't _really _bother Kendall. But to him, it was nothing more then friendship. _He _didn't like _her _like that – he couldn't control how he felt. But he couldn't help but think that he plays a large roll in this fault. Since that Saturday, the first day of the Holiday Season, Kendall had been spending more time with her then he expected himself to ever do. He felt bad to admit it, even to himself, but it was such a 'charity case' to him. Sure, Gina was great – but in all actuality the only person Kendall wanted to spend time with is Vienna. But that's a whole different story. The more Gina and Kendall began to hangout, the further away Vienna and Kendall would drift. It was unfortunate; it the most honest sense, but it was almost like it was needed. Kendall didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

"And I know I, uh, really shouldn't, because…" She looked down at the table and back up to Kendall with nervous eyes. "Considering Emily and all of that…"

Kendall and Gina's hangout's started off slow – a simple walk and talk for hours that soon led to getting lunch or sometimes dinner then Gina bringing Kendall to her house. He's been there twice; maybe three times due to the parties she would throw when her family was away. But he never actually went there with really no excuse besides the mere fact that they were two friends who just wanted to hangout. It felt so, so odd to Kendall to talk to her little brother whom just defeated cancer. Kendall felt so sorry for him, but it was a heartwarming feeling to see him with his hair growing back and a positive, cheerful attitude. Her parents were undeniably sweet. They welcomed him with open arms and allowed him to stay for dinner one night out of the consistent two weeks the two had been spending together. The two become close quick.

It was December 13th; 14 days since the last time Vienna and Kendall had a legitimate conversation. It went from no more visits late, late at night and no more phone calls or texts. They no longer walked home together and they haven't hung out since that Friday night. The usual long conversation they would have in English class, narrowed down to simplistic hello's and nothing more. They wouldn't find each other after class and Kendall hasn't seen her in the cafeteria since before Thanksgiving. It hurt Kendall so much to no extent. He could admit it now. It's hard to live without her. He doesn't know how he did it for seventeen years. She's his rock. He knows this now.

"I, um," Kendall was at lost for words. He didn't want to lie to her, but he also didn't want to hurt her feelings. "You're a great girl, Gina."

She smiled a little, obviously a tad pained but still okay. "I know you're probably not ready for a girlfriend, or whatever, but I just… I don't know. It's annoying to hold in."

He nodded and looked out the glass window they sat against. It was completely dark out and all the stores aligned had beautiful Christmas decorations hanging up. He glanced back over at Gina, her hazel eyes shining. "We have fun hanging out, right?"

She nods.

"I like to hangout with you." He says. "I like to be your friend."

She understood then, of course. Gina's smart, she knows to read between the lines. So simply, she just smiles and nods. "Okay," She sighs. "That's okay too."

This was all completely and 100% on Vienna. If Vienna hadn't come into the picture, maybe somehow Gina and Kendall could have been on the road to more then friends. But thanks to Vienna and her perfect imperfections, Kendall couldn't imagine himself with anyone else. He came to that realization also. Where would he be without her now? He could feel himself crumbling again by just not talking to her. He doesn't even know what's preventing him from talking to her. It seems like they were just both holding back until one contacts the other first. His feelings didn't change though. It was still the same old thing. Sitting up late at night, Kendall wrote and played and sang. The song still remained inspired by Vienna – he couldn't change that. He didn't even have the intentions of showing her, but to know he has it for himself, that's enough. Maybe one day he'll be okay again – okay enough to show her his true talent that he so obviously has.

"So you and Vienna are close," Gina states matter-of-factly, sipping on the warm drink in front of her.

"Uh," He hesitates. "Yeah, we are."

"She's been hanging out with James right?"

That was true. Since the change, Vienna had been spending more time with James. He hadn't made any further moves, even though he told Kendall he was going to, but Kendall wouldn't be surprised if he did. It was quite annoying to Kendall, but he didn't have the right to complain at all. He also played quite the role in this fault.

"Yeah I guess." He shrugs, fingering the lid of his coffee cup.

"I actually saw them the other day." She states, looking to Kendall and down to her cup.

"Really?" Kendall asks, shooting his head up. "Where did you-"

"Speaking of which," She looks behind him, lightly laughing.

His heart rate immediately picks up at the sound of the bells jingling, indicating the door had been opened. The laugh, the signature Vienna Chambers smug laugh, could have been caught miles away. And when it was that close, just a few mere inches behind, Kendall nearly died. Kendall watched Gina smile as her eyes followed the pair walking toward them. When finally arriving, Kendall slightly glanced up to meet eyes with Vienna. Next to her was James, but that's not who Kendall was looking at. They just looked into each other's eyes having an unspoken conversation. Vienna kind of looked exhausted.

"Kendall." Her voice was low and it was like there was no one else around.

"Vienna," His voice kind of cracked and he looked over to James. "James,"

"What's up?" James asked, pulling two chairs over to the table, one for him and one for Vienna of course. "What are you guys doing tonight?"

Gina shrugged, blushing in James' direction. Although she may have 'liked' Kendall, Kendall always knew she had a thing for James. "I don't know," Gina said. "This for now, I guess."

Kendall and Vienna still looked at each other. Well, Vienna did at least. Kendall felt a little uncomfortable and he kept his eyes on his cup and occasionally glanced to Vienna, feeling her blue eyes burn holes in him.

"What are you guys doing?" Gina asked quietly.

"Well, we were-"

James began to speak but was cut off by Vienna, "Nothing."

Kendall furrowed his eyebrows, completely unintentionally, and glanced to James who sat there clueless to the fact that Vienna completely overran whatever he was going to say. This frightened Kendall to no end. All James ever wants is a good fuck. He's sticking around this long, there has to be only one of two explanations. One, he actually genuinely likes her for her. Or two, she gave him his 'good fuck.' The negative alternative. It sickened Kendall to an extreme. It was strange and probably not the best thing, but Kendall didn't want to, really, he couldn't imagine Vienna with anyone else but himself. He wanted that so bad. Why hadn't he acted on it?

"What time is it anyway?" James yawned. "It's after 10:30 right?"

"10:56," Gina answered for him.

Kendall and Vienna still remained silent.

"Should I get you home, Vienna?" James asked and Kendall cringed.

She blinked slowly, "I'm actually gonna call my dad to tell him to come pick me up in a bit. You can get going though, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Alright," James smiled, standing up and pushing the chair back. "See you guys," He gave Kendall a quick dap and a quick rub to Gina's shoulder. Leaning down, he squeezed Vienna tight and lowly said to her, "I had fun tonight, talk to you later."

Kendall knew for a fact, a 100% true fact that Vienna lied. There was no way in hell she was going to call her dad. It was insane how much Kendall learned to read her. He used to beat himself up being unable to understand her motives, but now it was like geometry to Kendall. Hard to do, but eventually understood.

"I'm going to go call my dad," Vienna announced, standing up. She bit her bottom lip, looking at Kendall, and then disappeared outside.

Only momentarily later, Kendall's phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and held back any noise threatening to come out.

_I need to speak to you. I really need to speak to you. _

He looked out the window while Gina was looking down at her own phone. Sure enough, Vienna wasn't calling anyone.

_I'll walk Gina home now. Are you going to come over?_

It took only a few seconds for a response.

_No. I want you to come to my house. Meet me when you're done with Gina._

He slipped away his phone after sending a quick _Okay_ and looked at Gina. "Wanna get going?"

She smiled. "Sure, let's go."

The two walked out together, seeing Vienna leaning up against the glass window. They locked eyes, no expressions being readable. Gina said goodbye to Vienna and they went on their way. The walk was quick and quiet and cold. When finally arriving to Gina's house, she smiled up at Kendall. "Had fun," She murmured, standing on her tiptoes. "See you soon." She kissed his cheek, dangerously close to his mouth. The side of his lips was touched by hers and he almost felt nauseas. But he forced a smile and waited nauseously as Gina walked inside. Now quickly, he made his way to Vienna. What he really wanted.

…

They met a few blocks away from her house and walked in complete silence side by side. They didn't even say hello – only locked eyes and began to walk. It was honestly so uncomfortable. He was kind of relieved to reach her house, but at the same time he was nervous. She opened the front door, leaving it open for him to come in. He closed it and locked it, following her lead. He glanced over to the beautifully done tree and smiled a little, but followed a very tense Vienna to her room.

"Um," Vienna said, once the two of them were seated side by side on her bed. Kendall was nervous now. When did Vienna _ever _hesitate to speak?

"What did you need to talk about?" Kendall asked nervously.

"I see you as a best friend, right? So like, best friend's tell each other stuff."

Kendall nodded.

"We hooked up."

Kendall's hands immediately clenched into a tight gripped fist and he felt _so _angry. "You and James?"

"Yes."

"What do you mean 'hooked up'?" He asked, flames definitely obvious in his voice.

"Would you like me to give you a fucking play by play?" She bit back with as much venom that he had used.

He was definitely taken aback.

"You hooked up with James," He laughs darkly, standing away from Vienna like she's infected. "Of _course _you would hook up with James."

She stands up next, "What the fuck does that mean?"

"I told you this, Vienna!" He shouts. "I told you what the fuck he does and you went with it!"

She shakes her head violently, "No, no Kendall, don't start with this God damn shit. We're supposed to be _friends. _Friends tell each other stuff!"

"This is something I did not need to fucking know." He bites back.

"Why does it bother you so bad?" She asked loudly.

"Because now you're not any different!" He lies. "You're just like every other fucking slut." He lies again – completely.

Her eyebrows knit together with a mixture of hurt and anger. "Slut?" She barely makes out. "I make out with one guy and I'm a slut?"

He slams his fist on the counter near him, Vienna visibly taking a step back. "I can't be here!" He yells, slamming her bedroom door and rushing out of the house.

…

Kendall wants to fucking scream. He wants to break things and yell and curse and cry and die. But he doesn't do it – any of it. His little sister and mom are sleeping when he gets home and he runs to his room boiled with anger, hurt, anxiety – all of it. He closes his door, locks it, and slams his fists against it. He's boiling with anger, overall, and he doesn't know what do with himself. Why the fuck is he hurting so badly?

His angry eyes wander around the room and they lock with his notebook. He rushed over to it, opening to the page that had _Invisible _written, with now many words beneath it. He had almost had the song finished, only a few more tweaks to add. But now, he didn't want to fucking do it. So instead, he rips the page out and rips it in half, crumbles it, stomps on it – all through his angry tears. Quite honestly, he reminds himself of Regina George from Mean Girls, how she returned to her room and had her little breakdown. But of course, Kendall has it worse. The paper is destroyed. It's not absolutely shredded, but it would need to be really worked on to be read again. He kicks every last paper underneath his desk – out of sight. He's _so _upset.

Throwing himself on top of his bed, he cries. He's crying and subconsciously he knows it's not just because Vienna kissed James. Hell, he wouldn't have been crying like this if he wasn't so fucked up to begin with. It was like this one thing triggered all of the other things he has been holding in for quite a while now and it felt like his whole world was crumbling down again. He yelled into his pillow – a muffled scream being the outcome. He wiped his eyes painfully, closing them and opening them slowly. He hated feeling like this more then anything.

…

Kendall stayed in bed all day Sunday.

School was canceled Monday due to a snowstorm they had – a respective one foot.

He didn't go to school Tuesday, either.

This was not due to the fact that Vienna and James had kissed. In all honesty, it really wasn't. But like Kendall had come to the realization, everything was triggered. Kendall was slowly but surely falling back into a deep depression that he tried so desperately to get out of.

Wednesday, Kendall went back to school. Vienna sat in class that morning, like every other morning, but only she was resting her head on her palm and her eyes were closed. She wore her glasses but they were half off. He cringed just looking at her and sat in his assigned seat in front of her. She woke up, of course, and dropped her hands loudly on the desk.

The class was hell.

When the bell rang, Kendall jumped out of his seat to leave. Walking out of the class, he was surprised to feel himself being pulled back. Vienna held onto the sleeve of his hoodie and he furrowed his eyebrows at her.

"We need to talk."

They found a deserted hallway once the bell rang and they sat against the lockers quietly.

"You said some fucked up things to me." She murmured. When she didn't get a response, she went on. "But you didn't even give me the chance to explain."

He glared at her, unintentionally, but let her speak. "It wasn't even supposed to happen. I didn't want it to. But when he placed his lips on mine, I kind of just let it happen. But then I pulled away because only one thing came to my mind, Kendall. You. You came to my mind because you always fucking do."

"I almost felt guilty and that's so strange because I know damn well I have no reason to feel guilty. I'm not obligated to live by your damn rules and I know that for sure. But I couldn't help but feel the tinge of guilt. And you know me, Kendall; I barely even have a guilty conscious."

That was true.

"And I felt like if I didn't tell you, it'd be worse. I don't regret telling you and Kendall, you might get angry at this, but I don't regret doing it either. There had to be a reason. And the reason was a realization. Kendall, I-"

"Kendall." The voice was low and nervous and hurt and scared. The two glanced up and immediately cringed. There, stood Eric Tyler. "I…"

He was at lost for words but only for a moment. Because suddenly, his whole being changed into venom. "You're betraying Emily!" He yells so loud, its surprising teachers don't hear.

"You are betraying her! You told her that you would always be with her! Who-who is this girl? I-Is she better then E-Emily? I can't believe you're doing this!"

Kendall's on the verge of a breakdown.

"How could you do this?" Eric's crying. "Emily loves you!"

Blood is drawn due to the hard bite Kendall was receiving to his lip.

"This is _your _fault, right?" He walks to Vienna. "All your _fucking _fault!"

It sounded odd hearing Eric curse.

Then he kicked her.

Vienna stood up and jumped back, Kendall jumping up immediately. Eric walked over to Vienna, glaring so harshly it hurt. "You-you fucking bitch, you slut, cunt, mother fucking asshole! You're a fucking heartless girl!"

He hits her and Kendall jumps forward, pulling Eric back. Eric is screaming and throwing his hands around, crying, cursing, and yelling. Vienna stands there nervously, her hand over her opened mouth and hopeless eyes. Eric is completely and 100% having a mental breakdown and he needs nothing more then help. Kendall's holding him back so tight, afraid of what he'd do if he let him go.

"Go get someone, now." Kendall demands shakily and Vienna runs down the hall.

"Get off of me!" Eric yells. "Get off!"

Kendall won't let go though and when the Dean finally arrives, he takes hold of him. "What is going on here?" The Dean shouts.

Kendall gives the easiest explanation he could – his anxiety was at _major _high.

For five and a half long, painful hours – Kendall sat in the guidance office listening to teachers and Eric and Eric's parents. He didn't want to be there. He wanted to die. After coming to an understanding, they were all released. Eric glared at Kendall, a teary eyed, heavy breathing glare. Kendall shivered and made his way to the outside. Snow crunched beneath him and Vienna had been waiting outside.

"Kendall," She says lowly. "Kendall, come here."

He turns around, a pained expression worn. "This, this isn't… I- I can't do this."

"Kendall, please."

"NO!" He yells. "I- I need to talk to Emily because- because I fucking killed her."

He walks away angrily, quickly making his way off of school grounds.

The sun is setting, 5 o'clock rolling around. He's dragging his feet through the white snow and he knows exactly where he's heading. It's dark out now and he's finally reached his destination. The scary, cold destination.

The graveyard is dark, small white lights on poles between every few graves. Cold is an understatement to describe the weather and the fact that the snow had occurred again – _heavy _– only made it worse. But Kendall didn't give a fuck. He dragged his feet through the cold snow and finally locked eyes with a grave. He slowly makes his way over and once he does, he drops to his knees. He's crying so hard it's almost unreal. The snow is falling so, so heavy mirroring his tears.

"W-Why?" He chokes out in a desperate whisper. He stares at the name _Emily Tyler_ written in cursive and he wants to, in this very moment, freeze to death – in the most literal sense. "WHY?" He yells so loud.

Snow is covering his whole body and he probably had frost bite at this point, but it doesn't matter. He's crying into his gloved hands and he doesn't plan on moving. "Why?" He whispers again.

"Kendall."

He doesn't even bother to look. He knows its Vienna standing there. He doesn't even stop to wonder how she got here, how she knew he was here, or anything along those lines. He just continues to cry. And cry. And cry.

Vienna slowly makes her way over, leaning down and soothingly rubbing her gloved hand down his back. No words.

"I-I can't do this anymore," He finally looks up and he's a _wreck. _His eyes are beyond bloodshot and tears are pouring out of them. His face is red due to crying and the cold. Snow is all over himself and his breathing is beyond heavy. He takes a look at Vienna and she's not too off, either. Snow is throughout her hair and her cheeks are rosy.

"Kendall," She whispers.

He stands up and practically jumps away. "Are you going to tell me everything's going to be okay?" He yells through tears. "That I'm going to be okay?"

She shakes her head.

"It's not going to be fucking okay! Nothing will ever be fucking okay!" He cries. "Murderers don't get along in life okay! I'm not okay, I'm fucking not okay!"

She looks down. The snow is falling terribly, terribly quick. It's dark, besides the small brightness from the few lampposts. "You're going to be okay." She whispers.

He screams, just a plain, painful scream. He pulls at his hair and screams. "_I'm not!_"

"You are."

"Fucking fuck, fuck, fuck." He's yelling so loud, feeling guilty – like he's disrupting the deceased sleep.

This is all so wrong. It's terrible, abhorrent, appalling, awful, fearful, horrifying, vile, severe, shocking. Nothing's okay. Nothing's going to be okay. Kendall had now reached the breaking point that he thought was long over with. He thought that maybe he was getting better but then one small thing, like a kiss, completely broke him down to shreds.

He was nothing now.

He was nothing at all.

**You're Not Alone- Saosin **


	16. sixteen

**a/n: last chapter was kind of intense, I know o: but hopefully this one makes up for it. I kind of like this one a bit, even though it's shorter. c: **

**I made a playlist with all of the songs that are on each chapter since chapter– it's on my profile. more songs will be added for each chapter. let me know if you listened/liked c:**

**i wish the people who alerted loved me. i need you guise to please review ! **

**disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_And I know that I can't sleep with all of these things, they're running through my head. So I stayed up and I, I wrote this song about you._

The snow hadn't died down yet, adding onto the snow that was already on the ground. It was completely dark now, almost eight. No one was in the cemetery – no one but Kendall and Vienna. He hadn't said anything since his breakdown; she hasn't either. She knows better then to get him riled up again. But instead, the two stood in the graveyard allowing their bodies to go numb due to the aching winds and snow. Kendall's glassy green eyes were locked on the snow beneath him, covering the grave that he wanted so badly to just not be there. Vienna stared directly at Kendall, yearning for any type of contact. It was so quiet. So terribly quiet.

Kendall's mind was absolutely all over the place in this moment. He wouldn't even know where to begin if he were to explain what was going up there. He was completely fucked up in the head and everybody knew it. He didn't want to be like this though. He wanted to be okay. He wanted to be better. His insecurities and mental problems were becoming too much to handle. He didn't want to be depressed anymore. Looking up from the ground, he noticed Vienna wasn't looking at him anymore. She was looking past him. He glanced behind him and all he could see was the harsh snow and rows of graves. He looked back at her and she still looked in that direction. In this moment, he almost felt selfish. The least he could do is thank Vienna for being there. Because right now – no one would want to be there. But Vienna… she was there. That's when Kendall fell into realization.

Vienna was there.

For him.

Taking a long deep breath, he finally opens his mouth to speak. "Thank you."

Her big blue eyes dart back to Kendall's green ones. She gives a small, painful smile. "Don't thank me." She whispers.

"No," Kendall says, shaking his head and taking one step toward her. "You deserve every thanks I give you. Y-You're here. You're here and no one else is."

"I will always be here."

"Vienna," He says so slowly, shakily. "I want to be better."

His eyes are watering again and he's crying. Vienna bites her bottom lip, closing her eyes slowly and a small, hidden tears falls down her cheek. She's quick to wipe it, in hopes Kendall doesn't catch it. He does, though. "Don't give up, okay?" She says quietly.

"I know you're hurt," She goes on to say. "I know how it feels. Believe me, I do. But the feeling… it will pass. The tears will stop falling and your heart will heal itself. I _promise_ you it will. So hold and please don't let go. Don't lose hope so fast. You'll find someone great, Kendall, and she will be worth the wait. So hang in there, please Kendall, because I love you and I need you to be happy."

The feeling that Kendall feels inside at this moment is completely, 100 percent unexplainable. He's never, _ever, _felt this before. It was different – almost too different. But the strangest part of this all – it wasn't bad. His heart was pounding fast and he blinked away some tears.

"I found her."

Vienna blinked and knitted her eyebrows together. "What?" She asks softly.

Kendall knew now. He knew that Vienna is the only person who will ever make him the least bit sane. He needs her. He knows that he needs her. It's insane to him – how quickly she made this huge impact on his life. It was the middle of December and they've only known each other since October. _Two months. _Seems like such a short time but they had been the longest two months of Kendall's life. He feels like he's known Vienna forever. He doesn't even know what he would do without her now. Just thinking about it makes him cringe.

"You," He says lowly, "I need you."

Everything changed in this very moment. Vienna wraps her arms around his waist and hugs him tight as Kendall hugs her just as tight, if not tighter. It's electricity. The feeling, the undeniable, unexplainable feeling. It's amazing to Kendall. It's amazing.

"Say goodbye," She whispers, looking over to the grave. "I'll wait down there."

Then she's gone and Kendall doesn't know if he should thank her or want to kill her for leaving him alone with Emily's grave. But instead, he just turns around and looks at it. Kneeling down, he takes a shaky breath and begins to speak.

"Emily," He says. "I am _so _sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you. I am _so _sorry that our fight was the cause of your death. You meant the world to me at one point and I miss you. But now, I'm not sorry that I'm falling for a girl harder than I ever had before. I'm gonna thank you for leading me to her. I'll be back to visit soon. Rest easy."

He touches the grave and then like the wind, he's gone.

…

"Oh no," Vienna whispers when finally arriving to her house.

The walk from the graveyard was silent for the most part. It was cold, snowing, dark, and quiet. But when finally reaching Vienna's house – she tensed.

"What's wrong?" Kendall asks, his voice still trembling quite a bit.

She looks to him with scared blue eyes, "Oh, nothing, come on."

They step into the house and suddenly, Vienna seems terrified. It's completely dark besides the Christmas lights but they could hear screaming – a lot of it. Vienna stands by the door and Kendall reluctantly stands by her side. From the kitchen, they could hear a fight. "Just get the fuck out of this fucking house!" A woman's voice yells with terrible venom. "_You _get the fuck out of here! Who pays for the mortgage? _I _do!" A man's voice yells back just as harshly.

Vienna begins to walk toward the kitchen but Kendall doesn't follow. He feels like he shouldn't. She disappears into the kitchen and Kendall just stands and listens – unable to see anything going on inside. But he hears a lot.

"I have a friend here," Vienna's low voice mumbled.

"So who fucking cares if you pay? I keep the house clean and you don't do shit for it!" The woman's voice overpowers Vienna's.

"Who fucking cares if I pay? I fucking care! If it wasn't for me, there would be no roof over your God damn head. You wouldn't be able to fucking live without me!" The man's voice yells in return.

Something was thrown – a plate, maybe. It shatters and Kendall holds back a gasp. "I don't need you!" She yells so loud and something else is thrown.

"Stop!" Vienna's voice breaks in, a sound of desperation.

"You shut the fuck up!" The woman's voice yells back. "You have nothing to do with this Vienna!"

"Vienna just go," The man's voice is harsh.

Vienna returns and the look on her face is unexplainable. Kendall doesn't know if she's angry, hurt, upset, aggravated, or all of the above. But it's something negative. Kendall doesn't like seeing her sad. "Come on," She mumbles before slamming the door and walking ahead quietly.

That's the whole walk. Quiet.

Finally, they arrive to Kendall's house. They didn't actually discuss going to his house, but it kind of just happened that way. Just as they arrive, Vienna stops at the curb near his house. Kendall willingly stops as well, despite the heavy snow and freezing cold. "What's wrong?" He asks.

"I'll just, I'll head home." She mumbles with her head down.

"Vienna," He grabs her hand. "Are you crazy? Come on, please."

Unwillingly, she follows him into the empty house. Kendall doesn't know where anyone is but quite frankly he doesn't care. He assumes his mother and sister had gone out to dinner or something along those lines being it was a random Wednesday night. But it didn't really matter. They walked up his stairs and to his room where Kendall immediately began to change his clothes. He felt so oddly comfortable in front of her – just changing and not even worrying if she was looking or not. But when he looked back to her, she wasn't. She stared down at her Vans that were basically soaked.

"Hey," He says soothingly, not to startle her. "Why don't I give you something to change into for now? You're soaked." He's still trembling but he's trying so desperately hard to contain himself.

She nods. "You can pick out whatever; I'll go g-get socks from my mom's room."

He leaves the room and finds socks for Vienna to wear. He needs a minute to breathe. Standing against the door of his mother's bedroom, he blinks back tears and holds his head up confidently. _It's going to be okay. _

She looked flawless. Stepping back into his room, Kendall had to hold back any noise that was threatening to leave his throat. There Vienna stood wearing one of Kendall's red, black, and white plaid button downs. She practically swam in it – her body being so small – and it fell to her mid thigh. The top button was undone, revealing cleavage and she took the short white socks from Kendall and put those on.

"Thanks," She said, sitting down on his bed.

Kendall sat down next to her, not even bothering to turn his light on. The curtains to his windows were opened and the streetlight and snow gave his bedroom a different look. Her bare legs were out and Kendall's sweatpants covered legs touched hers. Their backs were against his wall and Vienna's head was hung low.

"I don't know why they continuously fight," She whispers.

Kendall doesn't know what to say and he's completely thankful when she speaks again.

"It drives me crazy to know that I don't even matter to them." She drops her head on Kendall's shoulder and he looks slightly to see she closed her eyes. "It sucks to not matter to anyone. It's a real shitty feeling."

Kendall can't help but want to cry again. How could she, Vienna Chambers, not matter to anyone? For one thing – she meant a whole lot to him and in this moment he _needs _to prove it. He gets up off his bed and leaves Vienna looking at him strangely. He looks beneath his desk and shakes his head at the ripped up paper underneath it. He's singing to himself in his head as he walks over to where his guitar is and picks it up. He's shaking as he walks back over to the bed, pulling a chair up in front of it. Vienna's still looking at him strangely.

"I, um, I wrote something." Kendall nervously states as he glances from his guitar to Vienna's beautiful blue eyes.

She smiles softly. "Play it."

His hands are shaking and he's trying so hard to compose himself. And once he begins to play the guitar, he knows he won't turn back. He, oddly, remembers all the words from the song he's written because he spent such long hours at night working on it. And now he was finally playing it. For his inspiration.

"_Do you ever wonder, when you listen to the thunder, and your world just feels so small. Put yourself on the line and time after time, keep feeling inside that they don't know you're alive, are you out of mind or just invisible? But I won't let you fall. I'll see you, through them all. And I just wanna let you know – oh, when the lights go down in the city, you'll be right there shining bright. You're a star and the sky's the limit, and I'll be right by your side. Oh, you know, you're not invisible to me. Oh, you know, you're not gonna be invisible. Do you ever think of what you're standing at the brink of, feel like giving up, but you just can't walk away. And night after night, always trying to decide, are you gonna speak out or get lost in the crowd. Do you take a chance or stay invisible? But I won't let you fall. I'll see you through them all. And I just wanna let you know… oh, when the lights go down in the city, you'll be right there shining bright. You're a star and the sky's the limit, and I'll be right by your side. Oh, you know, you're not invisible to me. Oh, you know, you're not gonna be invisible. Gotta look far, I'll be where you are. I wish you could see what I see. So don't ask why, just look inside. Baby it's all you need. And I don't understand why you won't take my hand and go. Cause you're so beautiful and every time that… oh, when the lights go down in the city, you'll be right there shining bright. You're a star and the sky's the limit, and I'll be right by your side. Oh, you know, you're not invisible to me. Oh, you know, you're not gonna be invisible._"

Vienna said nothing. She just stared with wide, teary eyes and a gapped mouth. Kendall was extremely uncomfortable and insecure in this moment as Vienna burned holes through him with her blue eyes. Kendall gets up slowly and begins to place his guitar on the floor, when Vienna wraps her arms tightly around him, causing the guitar to drop all together. They fall back onto the bed, giggling a little, and Kendall could hear Vienna sniffle.

"You are _so_ incredible, Kendall." She whispers against his chest. "Just… everything about you, Kendall Knight. You are perfection."

He shakes his head. "Not perfection."

"To me," She interrupts. "You are. You wrote that? On your own?"

"Yeah," He coyly admits, settling back down in his original spot on the bed next to Vienna.

"I had no idea you sang like that," She admits. "You, ugh, you're voice it's just so… it's so fucking amazing."

Their hands find each others, lacing their fingers like it's the last thing on earth. Her head is settled back on his broad shoulder and he lightly places his head on top of hers.

"Thank you," She whispers, breaking the silence that had been held for a few moments. "The words to that song were amazing. You're so talented."

"Vienna," He says her name confidently, but right now his heart is going so fast and his mind is all fucked up. "I don't want you to ever think I hate you. I could never hate you even if I tried. Everything I said, all of those fucked up things that I threw at you, they weren't true. I-I'm n-not right in the head – I'm quite fucked up, actually. But I-I need you." He chuckles lowly, nervously. "Yeah, I need you."

"I need you as much as you need me," Vienna admits. "Kendall… we can only go up from here, okay? I don't think you understand how much it hurt _me _to see you like that today. You're an incredible person and I know you can be better."

"How?"

That's it, now. Kendall is determined to get back to the person who he was before Emily's death. He's only getting older and he knows for a fact that nothing will get better if he continuously puts himself down for something that, in all honesty, wasn't even his actual fault. It's time to move on, he decides, he's going to get better.

"There's gonna be a lot to do, Kendall." She says. "You have to tell your therapist _everything _and actually listen _and _hear what she has to say. You're going to have to talk to your best friends, you need them. You need to get back to the way things used to be with your mom and sister. You need to write more music and play more hockey. You need to smile even when you're feeling down and you need to look in the mirror and tell yourself 'today's a new day.' Because Kendall, everyday is a new day. A day to start over – to begin. Please believe me when I say that everything will be okay."

"Why do you stick around?" He asks, twirling their thumbs together.

"Don't ask stuff like that, okay?" She asks, pulling her head away to look directly into his eyes. "Just know that I'm never going to leave you. Ever."

He nods and their faces are now only a few mere inches apart. Almost instantly, they both lean forward and their lips touch and the world stops and fireworks go off and music plays and everything great happens. It wasn't their first kiss. Not even their second. But this one – this one was quite different.

Vienna pulls away and their foreheads are pressed against each other's. "Tomorrows a new day," She says. "Tomorrows a new beginning."

…

"He's gonna be really pissed at me. I know him, Vienna, he's gonna wanna rip my balls off."

Vienna chuckled as she shut her locker and looked into Kendall's green eyes. "It's not you he should be mad at – it's me."

They were discussing the idea of how to break it to James – how to tell him that Kendall and Vienna are now Kienna or Vendall. Sure, they hadn't made it official yet, but they might as well. That was another story, though.

"There's Gina too…" Kendall mumbles as he walks beside Vienna and down the hall.

"True… what's meant to be will be." She shrugs. "Walking with me today?" She asks.

Kendall nods and follows her out into the freezing air. The snow beneath their feet crunch and Kendall could tell how much Vienna really loves the sound of it. She's smiling slightly as she stares down to her boots, kicking the snow. "You don't have to be with me if you don't want to."

Kendall's heart practically stops. Why had Vienna just said that? "I want to." He mumbles. "Why do you say that?"

"You were hanging out with Gina for a while," She shrugs a bit. "I thought maybe you'd want to be with her."

"Vienna," He stops walking and Vienna reluctantly stops too. They're standing on a side street and no one is around. "When I was with her, it was you I thought about."

She smiles softly and looks to the ground. Kendall takes one step forward, feeling odd with this burst of confidence, and lifts her chin up. "You're the only one I want to be with." And he kissed her and again, it was all these amazing feelings all bottled up into one.

"What does this make us?" She whispers.

A car drives past blasting a Christmas song and then a few more cars come down as well. Their foreheads rest against each other's and the cars just keep coming down.

"I want you to be my g-girlfriend." He's scared – petrified. He didn't think he would have another girlfriend after Emily, but oh how he thought wrong.

She smiles and kisses him softly. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

…

This was all so new to Kendall. He knows for a definite fact that he's not _okay _yet. But he also knows that he now has the one girl that he _needs. _Vienna Chambers. It drives him insane that just a simple statement like, "You're looking kinda sad." Would lead to him finding the one girl that has potential of bringing him back to life.

That's what he wants.

He wants to be able to enjoy the next two years of high school with his _girlfriend_, friends, and family. He wants to play hockey again and he wants to write music. He wants to wake up in the morning and literally be able to say, _today I'm happy. _It's possible. It's 99.9 percent possible but Kendall still has the little voice in the back of his head telling him that something else is wrong. Something's trying to tell him he's not going to be okay.

He wants to be okay and he knows that Vienna could help with that.

Vienna, the stubborn, 'self absorbed', blunt, and rude girl who Kendall _hated _at first, was going to fix him.

That's all Kendall wants.

…..

**I Wrote This Song- Making April **


	17. seventeen

**a/n: Vienna's turn to break. x: I liked their talk at the end – it really made me realize how much their relationship progressed since literally the second chapter… reviews, please? c: **

**_also, _check out my newest story: _hooked._ very mature so, yeah. different route though because any OC's that happen to be mentioned aren't going to play a big part at all, its mainly focused on the guys. _not slash._**

**disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_The only thing that's going to bother me is that you'll all call yourselves my friends. _

"Are you a virgin?"

Kendall couldn't help but snort at hearing Vienna ask that. For one thing, it was completely quiet in the room and nothing as been exchanged between the two for a good 25 minutes. And secondly, it was beyond random of Vienna to ask that. Vienna lay on her back on her bed, reading a magazine that she held above her and Kendall sat with his back against the headboard, strumming away at Vienna's acoustic guitar. It was Saturday night; Kendall had come to Vienna's right after therapy which consisted of a whole load of inspiring words from Hannah.

"Um," Kendall said aloud. He wasn't a virgin, though. He and Emily had sex exactly three times in their whole relationship. Emily was scared and Kendall didn't want to pressure her. The first time was quite uncomfortable – mentally, at least, for Kendall. But Kendall is a boy and sex is quite enjoyable whether it's your first or fiftieth time. "No."

She nodded and flipped a page in the magazine. He watched her blue eyes scan over whatever it was she was reading, but she really didn't look too interested. "You?" He asks, even though he automatically assumes that she wasn't one either.

"Yup," But he was wrong.

"Wow," He said. "Really?"

She chuckles and looks past the magazine and into Kendall's eyes. "Why? You think that I wouldn't be one?"

"I. uh, I guess I kind of assumed so." He slightly shrugs.

"I'm experienced," She states. "But I'm still a virgin."

"Oh," Kendall awkwardly shifts the guitar on his lap. "So you've, um, you've…"

"Done it all but sex," She giggles. "Yeah…"

"How many girls?" She asks, flipping the page again.

"One," He clears his throat awkwardly.

He watches her blink slowly and places the magazine next to her. She turns to her side, so she's lying facing him, and closes her eyes. "How was it?" She asked, eyes still closed.

He's looking straight at her although she isn't looking at him. "I-It was okay."

"Emily right?" She asks and his heart drops.

"Mhm," He mumbles out. Her eyes open and they catch his. She bites her bottom lip and blinks slowly yet again.

"Were you making love or having sex?"

Quite honestly, Kendall hates that. He hates being asked the comparison because in all actuality making love and having sex _are _two different things. "Both," He breathed out.

"I hope to one day make love rather then just have sex." She sighed. "Any guy that's ever tried to would have only been a fuck rather then what I would prefer."

Kendall nodded but he really had nothing to say. He really didn't know where Vienna was going with this but as he locked eyes with her again, the way she raised her eyebrows and smirked a smirk that only Vienna could pull off, Kendall had quite a few things running through his mind.

…

"I don't have the heart to do this," Kendall groaned into the phone as he walked the cold, snowy streets of Sherwood by himself. "Christmas is only three days away."

"_You're being honest and she's a sincere girl. She'll understand._" Vienna responded. "_Plus, you got her a gift._"

Kendall sighed. "I know."

It was Christmas vacation and Kendall was only a few blocks away from Gina's house. He had to break it to her. He put it off for a few days after the incident, but he couldn't keep Gina waiting around for something that was more then likely not going to happen. He liked Gina – she was sweet, honest, sincere, and cute – but as of now, Kendall can't imagine himself with anyone else but Vienna. He doesn't even want to. But this had to be done. Starting with Gina and ending with James – most likely, the harder of the two.

"I'm here," Kendall sighed heavily. "I'll call you when I leave, okay?"

"_Good luck," _She responded.

He walked up the steps that lead to her front door very nervously. His intentions weren't to hurt her feelings, they were to be honest. He couldn't lead her on. He rang the bell and only momentarily later a familiar woman opened the door.

"Kendall," She smiled. "What's going on?"

"Hey," He smiled. "Is Gina around?"

She seemed to have thought for a moment. "Oh, she's down in the basement. You can go down."

Kendall nodded, smiled, and made his way down the stairs. "Kendall?" Gina sounded shocked, like she was surprised to see him. In all actuality, she should be. Kendall hadn't told her he was coming.

"Hey," He tiredly said, slowly walking further into the basement.

"What are you doing here?" She smiled, moving over and patting the seat next to her on the couch.

He sat down beside her, feeling guilty already. "I, um, I needed to talk."

She smiled softly, practically showing that she knows it's nothing she, herself, could be too ecstatic about. "What's up?"

"I had a really, extremely rough week." He folds his hands together, just to unfold them again. "And, I um, I came to some realizations of things."

He waited for her to respond, but when she didn't, he went on. "And I don't want you to take this the wrong way, okay? You're an amazing girl and I had a great time hanging out with you these past few weeks." He sighed. "But I kind of… broke down, I guess. And I ran off to the graveyard and went to Emily and like… I don't know how to put this."

He puts a hand through his hair. This is as hard as he thought it was going to be. "I've uncontrollably and unbearably fell for Vienna Chambers. I hated her so much but throughout the hatred, I was falling for her harder then… ever." He finally looked at Gina who was just staring at him. "And she was there. She was at the graveyard to comfort me and I guess I realized right there that she was who I needed."

"I would have come if I knew." Gina mumbles lowly, looking down at the carpeted floor but back up to Kendall's eyes.

"I know," He sighed. "I wish I could explain this feeling."

She smiles, just a little. "I understand. I'm, um, I'm sorry for wasting your time."

Kendall practically gasps. "No, no! You really didn't waste my time at all, okay? Don't think that. I really like being your friend."

"And that's all." She smiles. "Okay, I understand. Don't worry."

"You're really great," He begins to stand up. "I don't want to stop hanging out with you. But… here." He handed her a small red bag and coyly, she took it.

"What's this?"

"Open it."

She was blushing, Kendall could see, but he knew she was going to get over him. She pulled out a small teddy bear holding a small heart. The words 'Thank you for being a great friend.' Were written across the heart and he could see her smile grow as she read it. "There's something else in there." He says.

She pulls out a small box and looks up to Kendall before opening it. It's a gold bracelet – nothing too tacky or overwhelming – but it is beautiful. She smiles. "Thank you, Kendall. You didn't need to do this." She stands up and wraps her arms around him. They hug for a few minutes.

"I'll see you over the break, okay?" He smiles.

She nods. "See you. Thanks again."

He smiles and this time, he's genuinely smiling. One down, one to go.

…

"_How'd it go?_"

"Better than I expected," He sighs a sigh of relief into the phone, walking down Gina's street toward Logan's house. "She's not mad or anything."

"_That's good," _She pauses for a moment. "_So, you're going to James'?_"

"No," Kendall says. "Logan's. James is there with Carlos."

"_How do you think that's going to go?_"

"I don't sense good."

…

James was shooting daggers at Kendall after his admittance. Kendall had basically explained the same thing to the guys that he had said to Gina.

"That's fucked up," James finally spoke, scaring the other three out of the silence. "You told me I could go for her!"

"That's because I was so fucking confused." Kendall tried to remain calm.

"I have the text still," James angrily responded. "I asked if I should go for it and you told me if I want to!"

"I know!" Kendall looses his cool, finally raising his voice to the same level that James' was at. "I know I said that and I'm so fucking stupid for saying that but you need to hear me out-"

"No," James spat out. "Fuck that. You just didn't want me to get her."

"Are serious right now?" Kendall stood from his seat. "Never, in any time of our friendship, have I tried to take the girl you wanted. And that's _a lot _of girls. But you knew damn well that Vienna and I had something the moment she got here."

Kendall knew that he should have told his friends in the first place. He knew that he wasn't necessarily right in this situation. But a lot like Vienna, he's very stubborn when it comes to being wrong or right in a problem.

"You were still getting over Emily!" James yells, hitting Kendall right on the spot mentally.

"You know what? Emily has nothing to fucking do with this right now. Would you have preferred me and Vienna sneaking around behind your back while you tried to win her over?" Kendall, so obviously, gets angry quickly.

"That's fucked up!" James yells.

"It's not fucked up, James, because all you wanted her for was a fuck." Kendal bit back.

"Who cares," James chuckles rudely. "You're just fucking up the bro-code and you just don't even care."

Kendall shakes his head in disbelief. "You know what? I don't care because this shouldn't even be considered 'bro-code.'" He says, putting air quotations. "I didn't even need to come here and try to work shit out with you."

All the while, Carlos and Logan sat quietly watching the scene unfold in front of them.

"Fuck you, Kendall," James lunges forward, like he's going to hit Kendall, but Carlos and Logan are there too quick. A fight between Kendall and James would be anything but good.

"Okay," Logan says. "Why don't you just go and we'll wait until this all blows over."

Kendall shakes his head. "You're kicking me out but letting James stay? Okay, whatever, fuck you too."

He leaves without anyone else having the chance to say anything. He's angry – so angry. How could his best friend's just make him leave? It wasn't fair, he thought, it wasn't fair that _he _was the bad guy in this situation. Wouldn't it have been worse if he hadn't tried to settle this at all? He knows that this could have been prevented. If he weren't so stubborn, he and Vienna could have had a thing from the beginning. But his friends need to understand that Kendall wasn't and still really isn't, in the right state of mind. He's quite fucked up in his head and whatever he does isn't exactly intentional.

Right now, he's fuming. He wants nothing more then to be with Vienna.

So that's what he does.

…

"I'm sorry."

Kendall looks up to Vienna as they sat across from each other on her bed. It was dark in the room despite the snow shining from the window and the decorative lights she had hung around her room. They sat in silence for quite a while after an angry explanation from Kendall to Vienna.

"For what?" He asks, never letting his green eyes leave her blue ones.

She shrugs slightly, "I don't know. I guess I could have prevented this from happening."

He shakes his head. "Don't apologize."

"Okay."

Then it's quiet again and Kendall can't help but think there's something else going through Vienna's mind. She doesn't look as pleasant as she always does and it's actually bothering Kendall. It still irritates him to the fullest that she doesn't like to show how she feels. He wants to know. He wants to help.

"Vienna?"

Her head pops up again and she furrows her eyebrows. "Yeah?"

"Why don't you tell me stuff?" Kendall asks, feeling this sudden urge of confidence but his self-conscious mind telling him otherwise.

"What?" She gave off an unrealistic laugh, "I tell you everything."

He shook his head and sighed. "I mean, like you don't tell me how you ever feel."

She shrugs. "There's no need."

"But I need to know."

"The less you know; the better. I'm a complicated person, Kendall, I know. I'm stubborn and I'm rude, I'm a bitch and I might just be the most irritating person you've ever met. But that's all you need to know." Her stare was threatening, quite frightening unintentionally.

"But you're my girlfriend."

She laughed. "I almost forgot."

Kendall didn't laugh. If anything, he was kind of hurt. "Do you even want to be?"

"Do you?" She bit back.

He stood up from the bed and his heart felt as if it were falling. Vienna jumped up next. "Kendall." She said.

The moment he turned around to face her, her lips were on his. It was a fierce, intense kiss that winded up leading them both back onto the bed. Kendall was on top of her, but when she pulled her lips from his, he backed away and sat in his original spot on the bed. Vienna inched her way toward him so their bodies touched and she shook her head with a small smile on her face. She held his hand and brought it to her face, holding it to her mouth and giving it a small kiss.

They shared another kiss, Kendall – with his burst of confidence – traced his tongue along Vienna's bottom lip and she was quick to accept him. They kissed for a while, their fingers still interlocked, and it was all perfe –

"Just get the fuck out of this house!"

Vienna pulled away quickly – eyes wide and a painful expression worn.

"_You _get the fuck out of this house!"

She shook her head and whispered something under her breath, placing her elbows on Kendall's knees and looking down. "Wanna come over?" Kendall asks, knowing that the fighting between her parents aggravated her more then anything.

"Uh," She looks up. "No, I'm probably going to shower and go to sleep, but um, I'll talk to you later?"

He stands up and she follows his lead. "Of course."

They kiss and it's wonderful.

…

"_Kendall?_"

He rolled his eyes although the person on the other line couldn't see him.

"What do you want, Logan?" He asks with quite the attitude.

"_Stop!_" Logan shouts. "_Don't be mad at me, okay?_"

"Why shouldn't I be?" Kendall asks, sitting up from his bed and glancing at the clock. 1:32 AM. "You sided with James."

"_First of all,_" Logan cleared his throat. "_We're best friends and Christmas is soon. We can't fight. And second, I wasn't siding with him. I was just trying to stop the fight._"

"By kicking me out?"

"_I'm sorry,_" Logan sighed.

"It's okay." Kendall says. "It's not you I wanna fight with anyways."

"_Then who?_"

"James…"

"_Kendall," _Logan sighs again. "_Just don't fight with him._"

"Why can't he just be happy for me?" Kendall asks, honestly feeling hurt. "I've been so fucking stuck on this whole, um, E-Emily thing. And now that I've found a girl who I happen to actually really like, he can't be happy for me?"

"_I understand,_" He responds. "_You just have to take it in his perspective, okay? Look at it as an answer to something. You need to talk to James when it's only you two. Maybe you humiliated him in front of us? You never know. James may be this big-headed, cocky guy, but underneath all that I think there's more."_

Kendall sighed. Logan was right. Always. "You're right, I know."

"_Try to be good with him before Christmas, okay?_"

Kendall laughs. "Is Christmas the only thing that matters to you?"

"_Yes!_" Logan chuckles. "_But I also want my best friend's back. And normal._"

"I know," Kendall can't help but frown at the memory of the four of them being unbelievably close. "We'll get back there."

"_Good._" Logan breathed out. "_I'll talk to you tomorrow?_"

"For sure."

…

Only an hour had gone by after Kendall's phone call with Logan and he just couldn't sleep. He felt like something bad was going on and he just couldn't put a finger on it. He tossed and turned and listened to the harsh winds and heavy snowfall through his window. Standing up from his bed, he glanced out the window and noticed the snow just kept getting heavier. He leaned against the window, getting lost in the stare out to the glistening white snow, when his phone vibrated on his bed. He was shaken out of his gaze and walked over to it to see Vienna's name lighting up the phone.

"Hello?"

"_Kendall,_" She whispered. "_She left._"

Kendall sat on the bed. "What? Who left?"

"_My mom._" Kendall was unsure if she was crying, but it sounded like it. "_She left for good._"

"But," He was at loss of words. "Maybe she just needs to get away for the night and she'll be back in the-"

"_No," _She was quick to cut him off in a harsh whisper. "_She fucking left and I- I can't be here, Kendall. My dad's breaking down._"

"I'll come get you."

"_No, I'll just- can I just come?_"

Her voice sounded so _hurt. _Like she just needed something – anything – to make her better. He wanted to help her. That's all he wanted – needed – to do. "It's really bad outside, let me come get you."

"_No, I'll just come to you, okay? Please stay awake, okay? I need you._"

That was all he needed to hear. Those three words. _I need you. _She needs him.

He waited – impatiently at that – for her arrival. He was worried sick and called her twice to only get her voicemail. But to hear the light knocks at his window couldn't have made him more relieved. But seeing her, took that all away.

She wasn't crying but the face she wore, the expression… Kendall could have died right there. The moment he opened the window, she threw herself into his arms. Kendall didn't care that she was drenched in snow and ice cold. He didn't bother closing the window yet, despite the cold air and specks of snow making its way into his bedroom. None of that mattered. All that mattered in this moment was that Vienna _finally _needed him – and he was there. For her. She wasn't hugging back but Kendall held her tight. She needed this – the reassurance that she wasn't alone. This was completely new to Kendall, but he didn't mind. He almost felt bad for being so ecstatic that it was finally the other way around. But it wasn't that he wanted her to be unhappy – he just wanted there to be a way for him to prove that he was there: 100% percent.

"I knew it was coming." She whispered into his chest before pulling away and looking at him with watery eyes.

Kendall took this opportunity to shut the window and grab warmer, similar clothes that she wore the last time they were here and snowed on. He left it on the bed, allowing her to change when she wanted, but she just stood there with her eyes on the floor.

"It's like," She grabbed the plaid button down and held it tightly in her hands. "I knew she was going to leave because she had this whole other life, but, right before Christmas?"

She began to change and Kendall just watched. It wasn't in a dirty, wrong-minded way – but for some reason he just couldn't keep his eyes off her.

"It's okay to be upset about it, Vienna." Kendall says, once she's in the new clothes and they sat across from each other on his bed – much like always.

"I'm not," She mumbled. "It's just fucked up that she would do that to my dad."

Kendall slapped his head with his right hand, pushing it through his blonde hair. "Ugh, Vienna, that's your problem! I don't mean to be so assertive right now, okay? But you never say how you feel. I know you're upset about this, stop being so secluded with your feelings."

She shakes her head. "I'm not secluded with my feelings."

"Yes, you are." He nods. "And you're being stubborn right now. Why can't you just trust me?"

"I do trust you."

"Then let go of those damn walls that you have built around you. You have this tough exterior, Vienna, that everyone took in the moment they met you. Everyone else's views won't change now because they know you as the girl who has no cares in the world. That's exactly who I thought you were," He pauses, taking in the memory of the first conversations that the two shared. "But I know you more then you think I do. I know there's more to you then those strong walls built around you."

Vienna coyly looks from her grip on the sheets beneath her to Kendall's eyes.

"Vienna," He goes on to say. "You broke down _my _walls. It's my turn to break down yours."

And then she cries.

And Kendall listens to her soft, silent sobs – holding her shaky hand in his and with his free hand, soothingly rubbing her bare thigh.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," Kendall whispers. "But then again, I kind of did."

She wipes a few fallen tears and looks up to Kendall. "Thanks," She whispers. "There's no one like you, Kendall."

"There's no one like you, either." He mumbles coyly, looking down at their intertwined hands.

She takes her free hand to his face and soothingly rubs his cheek, causing him to look up. She closes the space between them and places a soft – very soft – kiss onto his lips. "Seriously," She whispers. "Thank you for being you."

He lies down and pulls her with him, snaking his arm around her small waist and allowing her to lay back on it. "Just sleep, okay? I'm here."

"I know," She says. "I need to talk to my dad though. I really need to make sure he's okay."

"He may not think he's not going to be okay, but he will be."

Self explanatory, really, how Kendall could easily say that. It was only two, three months ago that there was not a doubt in his mind that he would be depressed forever. But here he was, at the happiest he's been in a while. If there was anyone who's been through something life threatening, it was definitely Kendall. He had so many chances to die. To overdose on the pills, to allow himself to get hit by a car to feel Emily's pain, to cry himself to death – but he didn't.

Why?

Because he had something to live for.

…

**You Should Have Killed Me When You Had The Chance- A Day To Remember**


	18. eighteen

**a/n: hi c: how was everyone's Christmas, Hanukah, and/or Kwanza? or whatever else is celebrated? c: this is coming to an end soon x: but there are a few more things that need to be settled before this ends so don't worry. gonna go get high and stare at my wonderful new laser lights in my bedroom c: leave me reviews, pwease? c: **

**disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_As we wake up in your room, your face is the first thing I see. The first time I've seen love and the last I'll ever need. _

"_So, we talked…"_ She breathed into the phone. "_It sucks seeing him like this._"

Kendall frowned, even though Vienna couldn't see him. She left his house only a few hours before this, it being almost two in the afternoon now. He put the last pillow on his bed after making it and walked over to his dresser with the phone to his ear.

"What happened?" He asked, aligning any of the objects on the dresser.

She sighed. "_He's just sad. But he apologized to me because of everything. I understand where he's coming from though. None of this was ever his fault, honestly. It was only my mom's fault._"

Kendall knew that it was extremely tough for Vienna to talk about her parents, especially after the recent events. It was an unfortunate thing that this had to occur and Kendall felt terrible for his girlfriend especially due to the fact that her mother left with already Christmas Eve being tomorrow. It was a heartless act that her mother had completed.

"I'm sorry," Kendall said, really unable to ponder anything else to really say.

"_No worries,_" She said. "_My dad and I will be a-okay._"

Kendall shook his head, again knowing she can't see, but really for his own benefit. Although last night he allowed a new part of Vienna to come out, he knew that she wouldn't just stop being the stubborn, hardheaded girl that she is. He knew that she won't tell him that she's hurting inside, even though he knows she is – really bad, too. It's obvious and even if it wasn't, what seventeen year old girl would be okay that her mother just up and left the day before Christmas Eve? None.

"_But I'm going to go shower,_" She says. "_I'll call you later, okay?_"

"Sounds good," Kendall says, opening his bedroom door.

"_Oh! I almost forgot…" _She quickly adds. "_My dad wants to properly meet you so you're going to come over tonight, alright?_"

Kendall's heart nearly dropped. He so wasn't ready for that. "Wait, what? I'm meeting your dad-"

"_Yep!_" She interrupted. "_You can come around seven, okay? Great, bye!_"

And then she hung up and left Kendall standing in the doorway of his bedroom in complete shock. Placing the phone back on the dresser, he made his way out of his door and stopped at the top of the stairs when he saw his mother and sister putting a few more ornaments on the already decorated beautifully Christmas tree. He sighed. If he was able to let Vienna in and now, slowly, his best friend's again, why can't he let his family in? It had to change – especially with the holidays – it just had to change.

"Hey," He says, sitting on the couch near the tree.

Mrs. Knight and Katie are surprised to see him sitting there. "Hey, sweetie." Mrs. Knight kindly responds.

"Uh, you guys are almost done?" He asked, eyeing the tree quite disappointedly.

"Yep," Mrs. Knight says. "Almost."

It kind of hurt Kendall's feelings that his mother and, or sister didn't even ask if he wanted to help this year. It was a tradition. Throughout the week before Christmas, they would take time out of the day to decorate the tree _together._ But Kendall couldn't actually mad. Those two never knew what to expect when talking to Kendall. It could go both ways – neither good – that he's either extremely quiet and rude or extremely angry and loud. But beyond that, it still sort of bothered him.

"Can I, uh…" He began. "Do some?"

Kendall could see Katie smirk a bit as she picked up a small box full of ornaments and handed them to him. He smiled at her, a real, genuine smile, and began to decorate the tree with his mother and sister. And that's what they did for the next half hour. Some conversations and laughs were brought up, but besides that, they just genuinely enjoyed each other's companies.

It was five thirty when the three sat at the dinner table together. A wonderfully cooked dinner was placed in front of them and it was mid-dinner when Kendall decided that he just had to apologize.

"I'm sorry." He says, earning questioning looks from his mother and little sister.

"What for?" Katie asked, sipping out of her glass.

"I know that the last like, I don't know, six months I've been…"

"A huge ass?" Katie asked, causing Mrs. Knight to slap Katie's hand.

Kendall chuckled a little, but still felt kind of low. "Yeah… but I came to a lot of realizations and you guys were a big part of it. I'm sorry I've been the way I have been. You guys never did and never will deserve the shit – stuff, sorry – I put you through."

Mrs. Knight just simply smiled. "Thank you, Kendall, for being mature. Now stop worrying and let's get our family back to how it was and should be."

And that was the plan.

…

The snow was falling lightly but the ground was completely covered due to past snow days. Kendall's Vans weren't the best choice of shoe wear but it didn't really matter because he was going into a house anyway. Vienna's house. He was nervous – beyond it. The first encounter with her father was actually quite frightening due to the fact that he barely spared a glance in Kendall's direction. The second, he mustn't even known Kendall was there due to the fighting between he and his wife. But now was the third and it was going to be the most formal one. It was his choice – Mr. Chambers' choice – to meet Kendall properly and Kendall couldn't have been more nervous. It wasn't that he necessarily was nervous of meeting the man overall, it was just the idea that he's being introduced as Vienna's boyfriend. Father's usually aren't too fond of their little girl's significant others but Kendall is a great guy. As long as her father knows only the basics about him, then it should be fine.

That's what Kendall kept telling himself.

Nervously, when arriving to Vienna's beautiful home, he rang the bell and waited patiently for it to be opened. Vienna opened the door, standing there flawlessly as always. Her long brown hair was pulled up to a long ponytail and had her glasses placed on her face. She wore black leggings with a hot pink oversized, off the shoulder shirt. She looked stunning, of course. She stood on her tiptoes and snuck a quick kiss to Kendall's lips before calling out, "Dad, Kendall's here!"

He followed suit behind her slowly as she sat down on the couch in the living room. Kendall sat next to her, leaving a decent amount of space between them. Just momentarily later, a fine, familiar man walked out with a look of despair written all over his young face. Kendall felt bad for the man, but he stood up properly and hoped that this could just go smoothly.

"Dad," Vienna said, remaining lounged on the couch. "This is my boyfriend Kendall. Kendall, this is my father Hank."

Mr. Chambers let out a throaty laugh. "My name's not really Hank. I don't know why she does things like that." He held his hand out and Kendall willingly shook it, before pulling back and smiling. "My names Victor."

Kendall chuckled, looking at Vienna who just smiled in return. "How are you?" Kendall asked, almost regretting it due to the past events with his wife.

But Victor only gave a warm smile before sitting down in the loveseat next to the couch. "I want to apologize." His voice was rough, with a manly tone, but it sounded sincere. "I know I wasn't too pleasant the first time you actually saw me and I'm sure Vienna had told you the basics of what's going on but it was extremely tough on me. But I did think I owed you an apology, being my daughter's boyfriend and all…"

"No worries," Kendall said, feeling a big weight being lifted off his shoulder.

They went on to talk for a good hour. They talked about everything. From family to friends and school and career options – all of it. Of course leaving out the negative parts of the last half year for both of them. But it was wonderful the bond that they shared and Victor had went closed off the conversation by saying, "You remind me a lot of myself and I'm glad it's you over any other shitty guy."

And when it came down to it, Kendall was glad it was him over any other shitty guy, too.

…

"That's a relief," Vienna laughed, laying down on her bed and pulling Kendall down with her.

"It is," He responded with the same content voice Vienna held.

She grabbed his hand and their fingers intertwined. Kendall learned in the past few months that Vienna loved to hold his hand – no matter what. She just held it and didn't really care about anything else.

"I'm sorry you had to go through what you've been through," She practically whispers, resting her head on Kendall's shoulder.

He glances at her, the dark room only being illuminated by the white snow outside. He tries to find her eyes in the darkness but it's quite difficult for him to do. He sighs, "It's fine."

"No," She says. "It's not _actually _fine. I wish I could have helped you earlier, you know?"

Kendall shook his head. "That's more of my fault."

Vienna sits up so she's able to look at him. "That's not true."

"Sure it is," He sadly sighs, "Once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. I had a fear that every person was going to break my heart."

"I would never break your heart." She mumbles, looking down and playing with Kendall's larger hand.

"I know," Kendall says and in this moment it's the truth. Vienna had been with him through _too _much to just up and leave. He now knows that Vienna will always be there. Always.

She pushed him back down so he was lying on his back and straddled herself on top of him. His heart began to race. She smoothed her hand down his face and to his chest, biting her bottom lip and staring into his eyes. Her glasses still remained on her face and Kendall believed that she couldn't have looked sexier then right now as the skin on exposed from her off the shoulder shirt glistened and her eyes raked down his face seductively. He kept his hands holding her hips with a tight grip, but she didn't seem to mind. She leaned down, lightly pressing her lips to his imperfect nose before lowering herself and placing a chaste kiss on his already opened mouth. It heated up quickly as they kissed passionately, her hands holding his face and his hands still remaining on her hips. Kendall was definitely getting worked up. Vienna pulled away and smiled, taking her glasses off and pulling the ponytail out of her head, allowing her hair to just fall freely. After placing her glasses down, she laid herself on top of Kendall and for a few minutes, she was silent. Her head was on his chest but only momentarily later, she kissed right where his heart is and lifted herself up, placing her body next to his as he wrapped an arm around her and tried to think of anything to replace the _terrible _thoughts running through his head.

…

_Oh come on, _Kendall thought to himself as he was basically freezing his ass off outside of James Diamond's house. He paced back and forth, phone clutched to his ear and staring at the empty driveway. James' parents were clearly not home, but Kendall knew James was.

"_You have reached the mailbox of _James Diamond, _please leave a message after the-"_

"Fuck," Kendall spat out after hanging up the phone and ringing the doorbell for the fifth time in the last fifteen minutes. Then the sixth. Seventh. Eighth. Nin-

"What do you want, Knight?"

Kendall couldn't help but chuckle at James' angry glare, causing James to begin to close the door. But Kendall was quick to put a hand to it and push it back open. "Wait, James, can we just talk for a minute?"

"Fifty-nine, fifty-eight, fifty-se-"

"James!" Kendall interrupted. "Just hear me out, okay?"

"What?"

"First of all," Kendall began, leaning against the doorframe. "I think it's kind of ridiculous and fucked up that you're mad at me over a _girl_."

James scoffed. "Is this what you're here for?"

Kendall shook his head, "Just let me finish, okay?" After getting no response from James he went on to say, "But I know that I'm not necessarily the good guy in this situation, okay? I know that I should have told you I had a thing for her but I even had an incredibly difficult time admitting it to myself. You need to understand."

"Okay…" James says, but Kendall doesn't buy it for a second.

"Fuck, James, why the hell are you seriously this pissed at me?" Kendall says, obviously getting angry.

Then James smirked and Kendall knew he was forgiven.

"Come in," James says through his smirk. Kendall walked in and shut the door behind him. "So you really came here at," He paused to look at the time. "11 o'clock at night to beg for my forgiveness?"

Kendall scoffed. "Don't flatter yourself, Diamond… I just, it's fucked up if we stopped being friends over this."

"So you really like her?" James asks, handing Kendall an iced tea can and opening one for himself.

Kendall cracked the can open and took a quick sip. "Yeah," He breathed out. "A lot… a lot more then I bargained for."

"I guess it's my turn to apologize, huh?" James says with a small smile.

Kendall gives a questioning look but James goes on to say, "I know this is the last thing you want to talk about but it's obvious that Vienna got you to get out of your depression because of Emily. I mean, it sucks that your own best friend's couldn't, not even your family or your therapist, but I'm glad someone was there to do it. And if I were in your shoes, I'd be head over heals for the girl that 'saved me' too."

Kendall sighed. "I don't want you to think that you guys weren't 'good enough' to better me, James. That's not true. But I just think I needed something new, something that I haven't experienced yet. Vienna gave me that."

James nodded. "Kendall, are you like, in love with her?"

Then Kendall froze and in that moment he was speechless. He hadn't been asked that and quite frankly he never even thought about it himself. _Was _he in love with her? It should just come to him if he actually was, right? Right… But what if? What if he _is _in love with her? Would he know automatically or would he have to think about it?

"I, uh," He had really no words. "No, no, not in love."

But he wasn't sure if he was being 100 percent honest.

…

Kendall was actually _very _relieved. Today was successful, he thought to himself as he lay in his bed that night. Apologies and forgiveness's between his family and himself, also James. There was a wonderful introduction and pleasant conversation between Victor Chambers and himself. Everything was just wonderful. Christmas Eve was tomorrow and he planned on going out to buy the ones important a gift. He hasn't felt this content with everything in a while and it was a strange relief that he did.

His phone began to ring.

"Hello?"

"_Hi_," Her voice was low and just wonderful.

"Hey Vienna," He smiled a little, although she couldn't see.

"_I just wanted to hear your voice._"

His smile was wiped away when he noticed that she sounded almost… sad.

"Are you alright?" But he knew she wasn't.

"_I'm okay,_" She so obviously lied. "_I was just thinking about you._"

Kendall sighed. "You don't sound great, are you sure you're okay?"

"_I_," She choked out, but stopped talking for a moment. "_I just need to talk to you, okay?_"

"Okay," Kendall said, in hopes to make her feel better. "Let's talk then."

But then it was quiet. And for a few minutes that's how it stayed. And then Kendall heard something that completely broke his heart. He heard a noise – something that he wasn't _exactly _sure what it was – but it was a sound of cries. Vienna was crying.

"Vienna," He sighed sadly into the phone. "Talk to me, okay?"

"_I- I can hear him crying,_" Vienna whispered into the phone, causing Kendall to clamp his eyes shut. "_I don't know w-what to do._"

Kendall wished that he could be with her in this moment, holding her and telling her that everything is going to be okay. "He's hurting, Vienna."

"_I know,_" She sighed sadly. "_I don't want him to be hurting. I want my fucking mother to be fucking hurting. But she's not. She's probably fucking that disgusting man who took her away from our unstable damn family._"

It hurt Kendall to hear her like this. "Do you want to come here?"

"_No,_" She sadly responds. "_I'm sorry._"

"Oh, no, don't apologize please." Kendall's quick to respond. "I just don't want you to be alone."

"_I'm not,_" She says. "_If I can hear your voice, I'll be okay."_

"Just remember that everything's going to work out for the best, okay?" Kendall says.

"_I know,_" She says. "_Thank you so much, you're wonderful_."

"I want to always be here for you." He coyly admits, being one hundred percent honest.

"_I know you will be," _She laughs lightly. "_I think we're stuck with each other._"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Neither would I."

…

"Merry Christmas Eve?"

Vienna smiled widely before wrapping her thin arms around Kendall's neck. "You're so cute!" She mumbled into his ear, kissing his neck and pulling away to examine him. There he stood, at her front door at 8 PM on Christmas Eve, with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a small red gift bag. He smiled coyly, his green beanie covered with small white specks of snow, and his cheeks a bit rosy due to the cold air.

She giggled before repeating, "You're so cute!" And pulling him into the house and up her stairs – to the bedroom that he's come to know and love. She left him in the room for a few moments only to return with a vase full of water, putting the flowers that Kendall had gotten for her in it. She stuck her nose to it and sniffed, taking her glasses off and walking over to where Kendall sat with a smile. "They're so pretty."

"Like you," He coyly responded, mentally slapping himself for such cliché-ness.

But Vienna only smiled, placing her hands on his face and leaning down to peck his lips. "Oh!" She exclaimed, jumping away but returning with a neatly wrapped gift. "Merry Christmas, babe." Then pecked his lips again.

He smiled, taking the gift and handing her the small bag. "You go first." She smiled proudly.

He unwrapped the box, placing the paper on the bed beside him and took the top off, immediately smiling. Inside, laid ten beanies. "So I took it upon myself to pay close attention to your beanies. The ones in this box you either don't have or never wear. Either way, I'm sure they're newer then the ones you have so… Merry Christmas to you from me."

He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close to him, "Thank you," He kissed her. "I love it." He smiled. "Your turn,"

She placed herself on his lap and he snaked an arm around her waist. She took the little paper that was inside of it out and pulled out a small silver box. "Am I being proposed to?" She joked, biting her bottom lip and opening the box. Her jaw dropped. Inside was a beautiful infinity ring. She took it out and put it on her finger, surprisingly it fit perfectly. "Beautiful," She says, kissing him. "So, so beautiful."

She lies down, pulling him on top of her and they kiss passionately for a few moments. She pulls her mouth away from his and she bites her bottom lip as they share a silent conversation between the beautiful blue and green eyes they own. Kendall pushes his boundaries a bit when he kisses her lips once more before going down to her neck. She pushes her head back a bit, allowing Kendall more access to her soft neck. He kisses lightly and he could hear Vienna's heavy breaths in attempt to be contained. But he knows she likes this. So he opens his mouths and sucks lightly on the skin of her neck, earning a low sigh from Vienna as she tangles her fingers into his hair, pulling him back up to kiss him again. Kendall's feeling quite confident, so as his hand makes its way down her waist and to the lining of her jeans, he's not surprised that Vienna doesn't stop him. Skillfully, he unbuttons and pulls the zipper down, but after he put his hand to her face, never breaking the kiss. He could feel her smile into the kiss, so he pulled away to find out what she was thinking.

The moment they locked eyes though, Kendall felt something different. Something he's never felt before. Sure, lust played a big role – but there was more to it. Kendall tried to figure it out but he was distracted again when Vienna playfully bit his bottom lip. He smiled and wondered, "What are you smiling about?" He asked smugly, a thick eyebrow raised as their faces were only a few mere inches away from each other's.

"Well, you stopped." She breathed out. "And I know you didn't want to."

A second thick eyebrow was raised.

"I didn't want you to either," She practically whispers, sending Kendall in practical overdrive. He plunges back into the kiss, allowing his hand to return to her jeans. She helped push out of them, leaving her in a black thong that had Kendall nearly going crazy. He rubs slightly, loving the throaty moans he's getting in return from the beautiful being beneath him. Slipping a hand in, he pushes one finger in, and again another throaty moan is released. Another finger and Vienna's eyes are shut tight, bottom lip trapped between her perfect teeth. Kendall thinks back to yesterday, saying she never looked sexier then, but right now – underneath him and writhing from his touch – _now_, she's never looked sexier.

She's clenching around his fingers and he knows how wonderful he must be making her feel. That's all he wanted: to make her feel wonderful. And in this moment, she did. Moaning out his name and leaving scratches on his back where her hand was slipped in his shirt, that's all he needed to know that he was doing his job right. He drops his body next to hers, looking at her in practical admiration. He could never get over her beauty.

But now it was his turn.

She straddled his waist and kissed his lips, rubbing her thumbs on his perfectly structured cheek bones. Then she lowered herself and Kendall could feel himself getting completely aroused just by the idea of her being on top of him the was she was right now. Her hands pushed his shirt up, but she didn't take it off. Instead, she only leaned down and kissed right about the lining of his jeans. And just as he did momentarily before, she unbuttoned his jeans and pulled the zipper down, not even hesitating to pull them down to his ankles. It was obvious he was erect through his boxers and he watched as Vienna smirked seductively before swiftly rubbing her hand against it – earning a throaty moan from Kendall. She didn't waste any time. Pulling the boxers down, she look surprised by the size. And quite honestly, any girl would. Let's just say, he was incredibly blessed down there. Taking it into her hand, she slowly pumped up and down, guttural moans leaving Kendall's throat. Then engulfing practically the whole thing into her mouth, Kendall could have died right there. It was a magnificent feeling that she was giving to him and he honestly didn't want it to end. But a few moans later, he was cumming and Vienna swallowed it all happily. She pulled herself up and licked her lips, locking eyes with him and smirking. He pulled his boxers from his ankles up and snaked an arm around Vienna's waist once she lay back down next to him.

"Wonderful," She whispers, kissing his neck lightly.

That word. Wonderful. It was such the perfect word to use. Wonderful. It could easily describe the situation perfectly. Wonderful. The feelings that they give to each other is honestly just plain out wonderful. It's almost unreal.

It's wonderful.

**Kissing in Cars- Pierce the Veil**


	19. nineteen

**a/n: sigh, no one likes to review :c this chapter is a filler but not really. not feeling too great with the story, wah. D: but whatever, here we go! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.**

_And it's like I can't feel a thing, without you around. And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees, 'cause you have that effect on me._

"You look lovely."

Kendall would have thanked Vienna for complementing his New Years Eve attire but in this moment, he was in his own state of shock. It was December 31st and James was having a party – no, that's an understatement – a _huge _party for New Years Eve. He stated to "dress to impress but don't overdo it." His parents were nowhere to be found, out partying with their own friends and sleeping out until the next afternoon, so James took that as an amazing opportunity to have a bash of his own. Things between Kendall and James were back to normal now and it couldn't have been better. Christmas celebrated with his family was spectacular – wonderful gifts and a filling dinner. Vienna had told Kendall she and James had an hour long phone call on Christmas afternoon. Vienna pondered that it was only right for her to also apologize to James – for leading him on but really being stuck on Kendall the whole time. James was openhearted and open-minded throughout the whole conversation, thankfully, so it ended off with them having a good laugh and James inviting her to his party, although he knew Kendall would have brought her either way. Everything was slowly but shortly returning to the way _everyone _wished. But now, it was time for the real deal – the last party of the year, and the biggest.

Vienna stood at Kendall's front door with a breathtaking smile and her arms hung at her sides. The moment Kendall opened the door; she had greeted him with the compliment, but Kendall had to give himself a second to take in Vienna's flawless appearance. She must have really listened to James' request because she couldn't have worn something better. A tight gray, low cut, short sweater dress hugged Vienna's small frame perfectly, shaping out her wonderful body and showing off all the wonderful parts of her. She wore black boots that came up to underneath her knee and they gave her a mere three inches – almost Kendall's height, but not just yet. Her brown hair was beautifully curled and fell long on top of the black pea coat covered with small specks of snow.

"You look… great too." He finally got out, leaning down slightly to kiss her lightly glossed lips. He put on his jacket and stepped outside, making sure the front door was locked since his mother and sister were off at an aunts house a couple of hours away and wouldn't be back until tomorrow as well.

They walked in silence, hand in hand, as the snow fell lightly. It was about nine now and the party at James' was just beginning. It was more of a 'bring your own bottle' type of party, but Kendall knew that James had _loads _of alcohol just waiting to be drunk. But to be respectful, before heading to James' house, Vienna and Kendall stopped at that same gas station they went to on Halloween and bought two large bottles of Absolut Raspberri. While on the way, practically there, Vienna removes her hands from his and softly touches his face – causing him to look to her.

"You're so wonderful," She says in practically a whisper. And then they've arrived and she took his hand in hers once again before Kendall knocked obnoxiously on the door.

The door was swung open and inside held a shit load of people. "Wow." Was all Kendall could get out.

"I know!" James exclaims, definitely had one too many drinks before everyone arrived. "There are fifty more then last year and it _just _started!"

…

Boy, how the party grew. It was an amazing blessing that James' house was as big as it was because if not, it's like the people wouldn't have fit. Everyone was drunk – everyone as in Kendall, Carlos, Logan, James, Vienna, Gina, Brittany, the whole Hockey team, the cheerleading squad, and _more. _Everything was going great – amazing. It was 11:45, fifteen minutes until 2012. Nothing would go wrong now, because everyone was too drunk to care… everyone but one.

If Brittany wasn't such a fucking bitch, the whole entire night could have been "fight free." But put a little alcohol in her body, Vienna is the first girl Brittany would want to attack. Vienna was doing no harm and everyone was actually enjoying her presence. Its strange how everyone could tolerate her now; being in the beginning she was kind of really known as the odd new girl. But now, it was great. She was seated on Kendall's lap as the two passed the bottom of their second bottle between each other. They felt incredible – infinite. That's what was really needed. Everyone in the house felt it. Weightless – high or drunk – infinite. But Brittany had the intentions of ruining that.

"Does she really think she's part of our group?" She asked, crossing her arms with a beer in her hand, talking with people hearing but no one sincerely listening. "If she wasn't such a freak, maybe she could be part of it."

Vienna just laughed. And laughed. And Kendall even laughed with her – joined in by Carlos and a few other hockey players since they were near. But Vienna lifted herself off Kendall's lap, surprised she was able to hold herself up, and handed Kendall the rest of the bottle telling him to 'finish it off.' She took a few steps, closing the few mere inches between where she and Brittany had remained, and just smiled at Brittany.

"I'm gonna tell you what I think," Vienna says, eyes hazy but she was still there. More people have gathered to listen but Vienna didn't notice. The music was loud, the house was dark, and the bass was vibrating the whole house – but she could still be heard. "Perhaps my theory, okay dear?"

Brittany re-crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes toward Vienna as she waited for her to finish. "Here's what I think… you must be the _most _insecure son of a bitch I've ever known but you, yourself, aren't even aware of it. You must look at yourself in the mirror and wonder why you're so hot but deep down, Brittany, you know you're not. And I'm not _only _talking about the outside, I'm talking about the inside too. You have no true self confidence and you're so wrapped up on being liked that you would touch anyone's dick just to be welcomed. But Brittany, my dear hater, there is a huge different between being welcomed, liked, tolerated, and respected. And while you may think that you're all four, in all actuality, you're none. So you can keep on hating on me for some reason that I'm pretty sure I'm well aware of and I can keep on laughing at you for doing so. Why I even waste my breath on you is beyond me, but if we're being honest here, that felt so _fucking _good to get out."

Then it was quiet, despite the loud music, but Kendall stood up and let out a _loud _"whoop" which caused everyone else to erupt into whooping and laughter. Brittany took a long chug out of the can before crushing it and throwing it on the floor by Vienna's feet. "I'm not going anywhere." She growls.

Vienna just smiles. "I wouldn't want you to. You keep our lives interesting, darling."

But Brittany walks away and again, Vienna wins.

Gina gives a quick wink toward Vienna's direction before heading over to where Brittany went. And Kendall pulls Vienna by the waist, giving her a passionate kiss – not really caring who saw. "You're really so amazing." He murmurs against her lips, foreheads resting on each other's.

"Lovely," She kisses his lips. "Lovely."

"Friends!" James interrupts, putting his muscular arms around the two. "I'm gonna be a huge pain in the ass and ask if you could go check on Fox? Carlos is getting it in and Logan's somewhere wrecked off his ass. You're the only one who…" He drifted off, looking closely to Kendall's face. "Are you wrecked?"

"No," Kendall laughed, "I'm okay. Where's Fox?" He slurred.

James chuckled. "Up in my room. Thanks bro, you're the only ones I trust with my dog."

Kendall nodded and grabbed Vienna's hand, playfully hopping through the kitchen and up the stairs to James' room. Kendall carefully pushed the door open, careful to not let Fox out and waited to let Vienna in before shutting and locking James' bedroom door. The room was a fairly large size, posters of girls and cars (typical James) hung around. Kendall chuckled, glancing at his walls, and leaned down to pet Fox. Vienna kneeled on the ground, sitting atop her legs, and Kendall kneeled in front of her, Fox barking and jumping between the two. Kendall let his hands relax on Vienna's soft thin thighs and he lightly rubbed his hands up and down them.

"You're skin is flawless," Kendall laughed, moving his hands to pet Fox.

"Thanks," Vienna chuckled, petting Fox and intentionally grazing her hand over Kendall's. She leaned over and allowed their lips to connect, embarking them into a wonderful, passionate kiss.

"_One minute 'til midnight!" _Someone yells and both Kendall and Vienna jump from their spots on the floor, laughing in hysteria, running for the door – careful that Fox doesn't get out – and running down the stairs side by side, playfully pushing each other.

"_Ten, nine, eight, seven, six-"_ They can't help but glance at each other, hands intertwined tightly, hearts beating fast. "_Five, four, three, two, one… HAPPY NEW YEAR!" _

It's loud. No. Loud is an understatement. There's screaming and yelling and laughing and hugging and horn blowing and confetti being thrown but everything seems to stop once Kendall and Vienna kiss. They kiss and the embrace they held on each other was spectacular. Kendall has never felt this way before. They pull away from the few seconds of their first kiss of 2012 and allow their foreheads to rest against each other's.

"Happy New Year, lovely." Vienna whispers, blinking slowly and biting her bottom lip.

"Happy New Year, Vienna." He kisses her quickly. "I…"

"Happy New Year!" Carlos, James, and Logan jump on Kendall and he's shaken out of his trance, giving his best friend's a not-so-manly hug but having no shame about it anyway. After the everlasting hug, Kendall glances back to see Vienna giving a hug to that same stoner that one day from lunch – the one that had Kendall feeling some type of jealousy. But in this moment he doesn't give a fuck. He knows how Vienna feels and in just a few moments, he planned on having Vienna know how he feels too.

He finds Gina, kisses her cheek, and whispers in her ear, "Thanks for everything, Gina, I love you. Happy New Year."

And she whispers back, "I love you, too, Kendall. Have a wonderful year."

Then Kendall leaves her because he needs to be back by Vienna. She's standing off in the distance by herself, hands folded and a smile on her face. But Kendall can't buy that smile. He knows what she's thinking. It's her mom. But Kendall walks over to her and she smiles bigger – realer – and Kendall takes his hands in hers and looks her dead in the eye. "I love you." He says and it's different then telling Gina he loves her and it's different then telling his family or his best friends.

"I love you." He repeats a little louder, closing his eyes and opening them only to find Vienna smiling bigger then before.

"I know," She says. "I love you, I love you!" And she kisses him and he kisses her and it's wonderful and fantastic and he feels infinite.

"I needed to hear that Kendall, you don't understand." And she kisses him again. "Let's just get so fucking wrecked."

Kendall laughs because he finds it funny. He laughs because in this moment he's truly and sincerely happy. He laughs because he loves her.

So they get really fucking wreck. And everyone gets really fucking wrecked.

…

Kendall's eyes open and he can't help but bite back laughter. Despite the killer headache, the turning of his stomach and the light being a little too blinding to his eyes – the scene unfolded in front of him is something hilarious. Sprawled across the floor is a hilarious amount of teenagers, some with clothes half removed, some with food splattered on them, things drawn with Sharpie on bodies, empty bottles thrown on the floor, some with bottles still in their hands, and they were all asleep. Vienna was next to him, eyeliner beneath her eyes, dress rose a little too high for his likings (which he carefully managed to pull down a bit without waking her) and she was asleep too. He carefully sat up, the whole entire room spinning and he vaguely remembers the night before.

But he remembers telling Vienna he loves her.

And he doesn't regret a damn thing.

He slowly makes his way to the kitchen – mouth dry and room spinning. He smirks when he sees Logan, James, and Carlos sitting around the counter and looking just as terrible as he felt. But he knew that last night was an incredible night so again, he doesn't regret a damn thing. They all chuckle when exchanging the same glance they used to exchange after one of them threw a killer party. There were a lot of bags full of bagels on the table and James declared that he had gotten them before the party, knowing people would most likely knock out after celebrating for hours. And it was true. The party ended around five and it was about noon now.

Slowly, each teen started waking up – each doing the same thing. Walking into the kitchen and laughing. Then picking up and bagel, pulling up a chair, and talking about the night before and about the killer hangover they had – but they too, didn't regret a damn thing.

"Hi," Kendall hears a small, familiar voice before feeling a pair of lips kiss his cheek from behind. He glances back and sees Vienna smiling tiredly at him. He couldn't help but think that she still looked flawless.

"Hi," He kisses her this time, allowing their lips to linger on each other's for a few more moments then necessary.

Kendall looked around and simply smiled because in this moment, nothing could have been better.

…

"Hello?"

"_Kendall, it's your mother._"

Kendall laughs. "I know, mom."

"_What are you doing?_"

"I'm at Vienna's," He glances at Vienna, who was fighting to keep her eyes opened. "We left James' an hour ago."

"_Why don't you invite her over for dinner?_"

Kendall smiled. "Sure. Yeah, I will." He glances to her, the beautiful blue eyes hidden now by her lids.

"_Come home soon, okay?"_

"Alright, mom."

"_Happy New Year, baby." _

"Happy New Year, mom."

He sighs happily because another three hours since waking at James' house went by and _still _nothing went wrong. He smoothed a hand through Vienna's brown locks and she slightly opened her eyes, smiling up at him. "Hi," He whispers.

"Hi," she whispers back, voice tired.

"Wanna come over for dinner tonight?" He asks, feeling a bit nervous. He subconsciously kept telling himself that there was really no reason to be.

She smiles and Kendall could swear he sees her blush but she replies, "Sure."

They share a look and it's like the world stops. He leans over, kisses her, and stands from the bed. "Come around seven."

She nods, smiling, and closes her eyes as she remains on the bed. Kendall smiles at his girlfriend before opening her door and beginning to make his way out. But before he's completely out and closed the door, he hears Vienna say,

"I love you."

He smiles and feels himself blushing like crazy – with no shame. Feeling proud, he responds,

"I love you, too."

Because he does

He really, truly does.

…

"Where's your girlfriend?" Katie mumbles, never removing her eyes from the television as she lounges back on the couch with the remote glued to her hand.

"Coming," Kendall responds, lying in a similar position that Katie is, glancing at the clock which read 6:59.

"Wait," Mrs. Knight pokes her head out from the kitchen. "She's actually your girlfriend?"

Kendall smiles a bit, and then nods. "Uh, yeah."

Mrs. Knight's face softens and she smiles sweetly, "I'm so, so glad."

And almost as if on cue, the bell rings. Kendall stands up from the couch and stretches before trotting over to the door, opening it and seeing Vienna looking much more awake and as beautiful as ever. He leaned down and pecked her lips before letting her in and locking the door behind her.

The dinner couldn't have gone better.

It was a wonderful hour and a half full of conversations – playful ones and serious ones – laughs, a delicious meal cooked by Mrs. Knight, and the perfect ending in getting to know one another. Kendall knew that Mrs. Knight and Katie must have really liked Vienna because Mrs. Knight finished off by saying,

"Wow, Kendall, this one is a keeper." She smiled and turned to Vienna. "He's never been with someone like you, I'll tell you that for sure. You're always welcomed here, honey."

Vienna smiles and says, "Thank you for a wonderful dinner; I appreciate you inviting me over here."

And Mrs. Knight says, "Oh, anytime! But Katie and I have some movie plans tonight, so we should start going."

Kendall raises a suggestive eyebrow. "Movies?"

"Yes!" Katie squeals. "I couldn't choose between Hugo and The Adventures of Tintin."

"So me," Mrs. Knight interrupts. "Being the wonderful mother that I am… is going to see both of those movies back to back tonight."

Over four hours alone in the house, Kendall thinks. But he just nods, masking his suggestive thoughts.

"We must get going though," Mrs. Knight says, pulling on her jacket. "Thank you for joining us, Vienna. You can stay for as long as you would like."

Kendall smiles and Katie catches it, raising an eyebrow and shaking her head. She's smarter than one would think. Vienna smiles and walks to Mrs. Knight – kissing her cheek and thanking her once again. She kisses Katie's cheek and tells her she's beautiful and then the two are gone and Kendall and Vienna are left alone.

"Let's go upstairs,"

…

"…_Oh, you know, you're not gonna be invisible._"

Kendall puts the guitar down and looks at Vienna. She had asked him to sing her the song again and he happily did.

"You're just so fantastic," She says, kissing his hand.

Then it happened. They were kissing and they had just reached the point they reached a couple of nights before. But Kendall felt as if he was almost obligated to take it further tonight and he has a great feeling Vienna's thinking the same thing.

His shirt was off and Vienna's jeans were thrown on the floor. His jeans were removed but his boxers were still respectively on. His hands traced the bottom of her shirt but he didn't just take it off – but patiently waited for her permission without actually asking. But she pulled away and kissed his neck, whispering, "Go on… take it off."

So he did and he just couldn't hold back anymore. She looked so damn flawless beneath him and he knew that in this moment and all the moments after it, she is his and he is hers.

That's all he needed to think.

But still, he couldn't believe this was happening.

He had condoms in his drawer from a long, long time ago. He thought they would never be used again. But as he opened it and slid it on, he couldn't help but just let out a shaky laugh as he repetitively reminded himself that he was in love with Vienna Chambers – in actual heartwarming or heartbreaking love.

He didn't go right in because he knew this was her first time. He knew how nervous she must have been because what girl wouldn't be nervous for their first time? He leaned down and kissed her softly, first her lips, then behind her ear, her neck and the top of her chest. He lifted his face up and locked eyes with her. They were hazy. "I love you," He says and means it to the fullest.

"I-I love you too." That's the first time he's heard her stutter – sounding nervous.

He felt bad and almost pulled away – afraid that maybe she didn't want to do this. But she placed her thin hands on his face, pushing back his hair that stuck to his head a bit and just stared into his eyes. "Go easy, kay?" She mumbles, closing her eyes and biting her bottom lip.

And easy he goes, slowly pushing his way inside of her and never feeling more amazing then he did in this moment. He's inside of her and just doesn't move. Her eyes are shut tight and she's biting her bottom lip hard. He's afraid he's hurting her – even though he knows that the feeling is anything but pleasant. He feels bad immediately, leaning down and kissing her neck lightly. "Tell me when to move, okay?"

She doesn't respond.

He kisses her neck and she lets out a soft moan. "Kay, mhm, go."

So he goes and it feels like pure bliss. He wants to express that he's never felt this but he still knows she's quite uncomfortable so he attempts to keep quiet. But he can't do that for long as he lowers his face and stops moving inside of her. He kisses her ear and whispers desperately, "Please open your eyes, beautiful. I need to see you."

And then she opens her eyes and small tears fall out. But she smiles and lets out a low sigh. "It feels good, keep going."

So he goes. And goes. And he's groaning and moaning and she's sighing and moaning and digging her nails into his back as the bed moves from the exchange. And as she violently scratches down his back, it hurts almost so good. He gets a little disappointed because he could feel it coming to an end. He could feel that boiling in the pit of his stomach and how her thighs clenched around him and he was right – it ended. She moaned out his name, biting and sucking on his broad shoulder as he rode out the most amazing thing in his whole entire seventeen years of living.

He pulls out and pulls her next to him by her waist, kissing her neck lightly and letting her adjust herself so that her head was in the crook of his neck as she kissed his chest.

"I really do love you, Kendall."

He feels like he wants to cry because he didn't think this would ever happen to him.

"I love you, too, Vienna…" He sighs – one of happiness and relief. "A lot."

…

His day was fantastic, marvelous. It was the first day in a long time that he just wasn't upset about anything at all. And it was coming to an end. Well, it technically was. It was two thirty in the morning and he had just gotten out of the shower, climbing into his bed and feeling just spectacular. He couldn't stop replaying the moments from tonight in his mind. He knew that now, she would always be the one. He's never felt this way before, not even about Emily. He was afraid to admit that, but after tonight he just knew it was true.

He smiles as he closes his eyes. But his phone vibrates and his heart drops for some reason. He reaches over and sees Vienna's name blinking on the screen.

"Hey," He answers, closing his eyes and holding the phone to his ear.

Her voice was shaky. "_Kendall?"_

"What's wrong?" He immediately asks, knowing her moods the second he hears her speak.

He could hear her sniffle, maybe like she was crying, and he was scared. Very.

"_I,_" She pauses. "_I'm moving back to Miami._"

No. Fucking no. Everything was going so great – _perfect. _God must really fucking hate me, Kendall thinks. It's not fair. This isn't fair. She must be lying.

This can't be happening.

She couldn't go.

_I'm moving back to Miami._

**6 months- Hey Monday**


	20. twenty

**i can't believe that Comatose is over after this. author's note will be at the end of this chapter, so please stick around for that! **

**without further ado… the last chapter of Comatose :c **

_I hate feeling like this; I'm so tired of trying to fight this. I'm asleep and all I dream of is waking to you. _

"_I'm moving back to Miami._"

His heart. The beating was way more rapidly then he thought even possible. Everything was going so great… why did it have to be ruined? 'Why, why, why' was the only thing running through Kendall's mind as he sat up from his bed, phone clutched tightly to his ear, and uncertainty running pathetically through his veins.

He had to say something. "W-What?"

He could hear her almost silent cries. "_I'm moving back – he, he's making us go back._"

"T-To Miami? B-But, you guys are fine here…"

"_We were here because my mom." _Anger fumes in her voice. "_My mom's fucking gone._"

"Vienna," He whispers, in attempt to calm her down.

"_Kendall,_" Her voice is laced with desperation – hurt.

"We'll get through this," He's really only trying to tell himself, but he's unsure if he's being honest. If anything, he may be falling apart just as much – if not more – then Vienna is. "Believe me, okay?"

"_Kay,_" She cries. "_I just… I can't leave you._"

"Please don't think about me," He pleads. "This isn't about me, it's about you."

"_No,_" She bites back. "_It's about you because it… I c-can't be without you..._"

And he drops the phone, face diminishing into his pillow – screaming loud, muffled within the white fabric and eyes stinging with tears. And Vienna knows because she could hear it – unclearly – but still heard. Everything was good. Everything was fucking fantastic. But it didn't remain. It couldn't remain because Kendall was immune to this. It was in his nature for things to be fucked up for him.

It wasn't fair.

…

He was quick to see her the next afternoon. It was beyond yearning for – he considered it necessary to see her. She was moving, he didn't know the details, but it was just that. She was leaving – leaving him. The walk to her house was awful, his thoughts nearly driving him insane. He tried – really, tried – to just walk with a silent head but it was, in the most realistic sense, impossible. The moment things would go quiet, as his eyes would adjust to the white snow in front of him, Vienna would bombard his mind. She couldn't go.

She looked strained – like she's been up all night, crying or fighting. Kendall pulled her into a hug the moment he laid his eyes on her, the feelings he felt for her in this legitimate moment were almost unreal. His heart was _broken _just by looking at her.

They sat on her bed, the feeling all too familiar – had it occurred an uncountable amount of times before. Her hands pull at the blanket beneath them, pulling and yanking, and she breathed lowly as Kendall stared at her – waiting for something.

"Six months," She finally says, breaking the silence that was killing them both. Kendall looks at her but she doesn't look back. "Six months," She repeats.

"W-What?" He finally gets out once she locks her glassy blue eyes with his.

"I have six more months here." She sighs, blinking slowly. "I'm leaving in June."

"J-June…"

"I'll be eighteen in September, and then I'm coming back." She looks down, almost unsure. But then she looks up and he could see the Vienna he met on that first day. Almost stubborn. "He can't fucking make me go back there. I'm happy here."

Kendall sighs. "I can't let you go…" He sheepishly admits, looking into Vienna's eyes coyly.

She smiles and it's real. That surprises Kendall because it's amazing how she could go from one emotion to another in the blink of an eye. He doesn't really understand that – he was never able to since the beginning. "We have six months together, three or four months apart. We could do that, yes?"

Kendall wasn't sure if she was just trying to make herself feel better or to make him feel better, but either way, Kendall still felt a bit unsure. But she was telling him that she would still be with him when she returned and that's all Kendall needed to hear. That's what it is – he can't be with anyone else. He can't imagine it. He wasn't going to ask her how things would be when she returned – where she would stay, with whom, and how. But instead he had planned on enjoying these six months that he had with her. Six months is a pretty long time – half a year – but Kendall was quite petrified that it would go faster then it would have if she wasn't moving.

Moving.

The thought still made Kendall cringe but Vienna was okay in this moment, which meant he had to be okay too. Even though he wasn't sure how he would be once she left.

They stared at each other for a moment. Then Kendall spoke. "Vienna," His breathing was uneasy but he tried to keep himself together. "I need you to promise me something." She looked at him, with no emotion or words, waiting for a response. "Just promise that when you leave, you won't forget me."

She smiled. "I will _never _forget you. _I promise._"

Promises aren't made to be broken – she had to keep it.

"Besides, I'll be counting down the days that I can see you again." She says, intertwining their fingers.

If Kendall learned anything within these few months that he had known Vienna was that without her, he was unsure if he'd even be alive right now. It was a scary thought, one that made him shudder, but it was the truth. He could have overdosed on his pills by now, cut too deep, found a rope and used it to his advantage. But Vienna saved him. She was his savior. His angel. It was an unreal story between them two – one that would make one wonder if it was even true. But it was. They met and they hated each other. They couldn't tolerate each other's beings for more then five minutes – Kendall more than Vienna, of course. Vienna knew how to get under Kendall's skin within minutes of meeting him. She knew his weaknesses and he knew her strengths. She was honest – brutally, most of the time – and Kendall hated that at first. But thinking back at it now, it's what saved him. She did. She saved him. She fixed the unfixable.

…

Six months. They flew by quicker then they really should have. They were full of love, sex, honesty, sadness, cries, laughs, friends, hockey, family, alcohol, weed, school, driving, and jobs. They were on month seven of their growing relationship – the incredible one they had at that. Everything was just great.

It was June, school had ended just two days ago, and there was only one day left until Vienna's departure. It was killing Kendall, but the last six months had him positive that when she returned, in only three months, everything will be okay. It had to be.

James and Gina had been hooking up since February. They wouldn't label themselves – James being one fully against that – but they might as well have 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' written on their foreheads. They did all things that the ones in a relationship would. It was quite expected, actually. Gina had a crush on Kendall – one of desperation and loneliness – he realized that. But he also realized that whenever James was around, she would blush like mad. James, on the other hand, loved to just make her laugh – even only smile. He took it upon himself to make her laugh so much one night that they kissed. Then they hooked up. Then they had sex – which Gina's coy to admitting and James is proud to announce to his best friend's. Kendall was more then relieved to, one, see the two people who stood between him and Vienna together, and two, not have any angry feelings toward either of them once they began their ongoing hook ups.

Logan and Carlos… well Logan and Carlos remained themselves – the hyper, silly half of the quartet that went back to _complete _normal by the time February rolled around. Playing hockey definitely ignited their friendship to return to normal. It was like their home – the ice – it was comforting and quite healing.

Kendall and Vienna were good. No, great. No, fucking one step away from _perfect. _They rarely fought, which was a surprise, but when they did – over something stupid and barely any reasoning – it always ended with them having sex. They kind of liked that, in an odd way, the feeling of anger building up just to be released momentarily after. Kendall, on his own part, was better. Sure, he wasn't 100% better, and truth is, he probably never would be. But as of now, he's as best as best could be… in his mind anyways. His therapy visits are now only once a month, due to the fact that he was better. He still needed pills, but different ones from the beginning. Since Emily's death, his anxiety obviously increased highly, and it really didn't go down. When alone, or in school, or some other useless place – his anxiety acts up. He takes the pill once in the morning and once before bed – but if he's having an extremely terrible panic attack, he's aloud to take it then. Emily comes to his mind time from time, but it's only normal. He will never forget her. But he's past drowning himself in his sorrows. He's okay now.

It was a little past midnight; the two had stumbled into Kendall's bedroom a tad bit above the influence from the first party of the summer that they had attended together. It ended quite earlier then expected because the cops were called and the kids were kicked out. The two had planned on leaving earlier anyway, due to the fact that she was leaving tomorrow. They were laughing at really nothing, having smoked way too many blunts in one night. They chose not to drink – not wanting to be vomiting on their last night together. But decided to get high, a way of remembrance from their first few times together.

Kendall immediately pulled his shirt off, due to the warmness of the air outside, and flicked on his air conditioner with fidgeting hands. Vienna slipped her vans off and pulled her tank top over her head, immediately crawling on top of Kendall once he lay on his bed. She kissed his lips and looked at him with half lust-fill; half stoned eyes and gave a small, sad smile.

"I'm going to miss you so much," She whispers against his lips.

He wants to cry. "I'm gonna miss you too, Vienna." He steals another quick kiss and flips them over so he's on top; reclaiming his position. "I feel like I've known you forever." He murmurs.

"I know," She unbuttons his jeans and yanks them off his legs, as he helped her out of her shorts. "It's going to be a hard three months." She kisses his neck.

He sighs softly, loving the feeling of her wonderful lips on his neck. "You can't fall in love back in Miami,"

She nips at the skin. "Impossible," She breathes out.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They kiss momentarily then Kendall pulls away. "How come?" He smirks.

She kisses him again. "I don't fall in love twice." Somehow, she fights her way back on top, straddling his waist as his hands hold onto her sides. "It just doesn't happen for me."

"So you're in love?" Kendall asks smugly, grinding his hips slightly into hers.

She smiles and winks, "Yep,"

"And who's this lucky guy?"

She leans down, so their lips are practically touching but not just yet, "Some guy… who's, you know, not here right now." She kisses lightly. "I'm using you as a distraction."

He flips them over, once and for all – making sure that he kept his position on top. "I really fucking love you."

She blinks and smiles. "I love you, more."

Then they make love and it's sad and happy and wonderful and heartbreaking.

…

His anxiety was already at a high as he approached Vienna's door. He wasn't sure if he'd breakdown completely at their goodbye or just stand there emotionless. Neither sounded well. The vans were already outside of the house – which would be driving with them to Florida carrying all of their boxes and bags. They would have taken a plane, but Mr. Chambers had his car which he needed to drive back there. Kendall cringed just seeing the sight of the older men walking in and out of the house – emptying it out like there was no philosophy to it. Kendall wanted to go inside those vans and bring the boxes back into the house, put everything where he knew they belonged and talk Mr. Chambers into not moving. But there was no such luck and Kendall couldn't blame him. He has no reason to be here in Minnesota – it was all Vienna's mother. The man that she cheated on Mr. Chambers with resided here, or somewhere around here, which is why Mr. Chambers vulnerability got the best of him when he agreed and just up and going when she asked. Kendall almost felt selfish for being mad at Mr. Chambers, but he couldn't help it. He was taking away his savior. His angel.

"Hi," Kendall was shaken out of his gaze on the vans when he heard a very familiar voice. It was smaller then usual, a little sadder. He glances to his side and there stood Vienna. She wore gray sweatpants with a black tank top and her black vans. Her hair fell in loose curls, having grown even more over the last six months, despite the one haircut, which she dreaded, that she had gotten in March. Her glasses were placed on her face, but Kendall could see in her beautiful blue eyes that she had been crying. He hugged her, tight, and she didn't falter a bit – only hugged him just as tight, if not tighter.

"I don't want to go," She whispers into his chest.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was out and the birds were chirping away – as cliché as it may sound – and it seemed as if nothing bad could happen on a lovely warm day like this. Wrong. Kendall's heart was shattering.

"I don't want you to go," He responds, not a shame of his bluntness.

"Kendall," Mr. Chambers says, approaching their side. Kendall pulls away unwillingly.

"Hey," Kendall responds, trying his hardest to leave the bitterness out of his voice – keeping himself from saying 'why are you making her go?'

Mr. Chambers smiles at him and walks over to the van, talking to one of the four men. Vienna looks up to Kendall, trying to smile but incredulously failing. He does the same, but there's no use in hiding their sadness. Three months or three days – either way, it means them apart. No good.

"Five minutes, Vi." Mr. Chambers says, walking back into the house to check for the remaining stuff.

Vienna lifts her hands and pushes her glasses up to cover her eyes, before moving her hands and letting her glasses drop again. Kendall doesn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry," She whispers.

"What?" He blurts out. "For what?"

"For leaving," She sighs. "For promising to be here and leaving."

He shakes his head. "No, this is different." But then the word 'promise' comes back to him and he takes on step toward her, placing his hands on her small waist. "Vienna,"

"Kendall,"

"Six months ago, you made a promise." He reminds her, but he didn't have to.

"I will never forget you." She smiles sadly. "Impossible."

His forehead rests on hers and she looks up to him from her glasses. "I love you so much, Vienna."

"I love you, too, Kendall Knight."

They stand there for about three minutes, embraced in a tight hug. No words, no nothing.

Then it's time to go.

"The promise," She whispers against his mouth, kissing him then walking away.

The promise.

He will _never _forget it.

**Comatose- Skillet**

**a/n: before I say anything at all, there is going to be a sequel. YAY. okay, now, how was it? did you love it? hate it? _loathe _it? I don't know, I kind of liked it. I know this chapter was short but I couldn't drag it out, yanno? but yes, the sequel will be out soon, actually. it's gonna be quite different then this story, but you'll understand when I post it. did you guys end up liking Vienna? leave a review, please, even if you _never _have. I really want to know what you guys thought of this. **

**quick thank you's to…**

**-BigTimeFan50, StuckAt9.99, and child who is cool for being my _wonderful _consistent reviewers. I love you all.**

**-and also happeyapple, who I haven't heard from in a while, and miss dearly. **

**-rainicorn, I absolutely _loved _your reviews. **

**-Stardust2011, Gigi, XxskyscraperxX, whisperingeye, titanic4ever, Anon T, thank you also! **

**and to the rest who reviewed, I love you all. please don't think I didn't mention you on purpose, you're all amazing! ^those just stuck out to me.**

**definitely stick around for the sequel! **


	21. the actual end

_**~STOP. BEFORE YOU READ, GO TO "THE PROMISE" AND READ THE LAST 'CHAPTER' I POSTED THERE. then come back c: **_

**a/n: …hi. hopefully you listened to what i said up there ^ and read everything i had said. i'm not gonna repeat myself since i told you what's going on already. again, though, i'd like to apologize. :c i'm just not really feeling it~ if you don't realize, everything in italics is a flashback, when she was still in Miami.**

**enjoy? x **

**disclaimer: yall know I don't own BTR. :c **

_It's a temporary pain, see your face and speak your name. Till then, I'll scream into the night._

It has been eighty-nine days since Kendall Knight has seen the love of his life, his savior, the girl who broke him down and built him up all at once – Vienna Chambers.

It was a hard three months – _very. _Sure, the two kept in touch but there were days, a lot of them, where Kendall just felt alone. He was afraid that much like his father, Vienna would never return. He would think about her, then his mind would wander to the long gone absence of his father, then to Emily and her death – he was slowly breaking all over again. But at the end of the day, to hear Vienna's voice on the other side of the phone, it was enough to even relatively keep him going. He still had that knot in the pit of his stomach, the fear that Vienna would want to stay in Miami, and he would even ask her occasionally if she still loved him, and she would laugh, claiming that he was an "absolute twat" – her exact words – if he believed she would stop loving him.

Then again, she did make a promise.

Distance is a crazy thing for a relationship. For two people to be so reliant on each other, to having to be apart, it could cause pain. A lot of it. Although Kendall was in love with Vienna throughout her absence, _really _in love with her, that didn't stop the fights they would have and the disagreements that would often come up.

The first two weeks that Vienna had been gone, the two didn't fight once. They talked everyday – luckily with only a one hour time difference – and everything was… normal. But then the third week rolled around and Vienna began to leave her house more. She claimed to Kendall that she was sick of sitting home on such beautiful summer nights. Kendall agreed. He still had friends that wanted him to be around and quite honestly he wanted to hangout with his friends too. So they made a deal.

"_It's so beautiful out," Vienna said into the phone, Kendall nodding his head along although she couldn't see. "I'm going to go out tonight, I think."_

_Kendall was a little taken back, being the first two weeks she had claimed to remain home. When would she have made plans? "Where are you gonna go?"_

"_I don't know," She paused. "I'll call up some of my old friends. They've been asking for me," _

_It confused Kendall on why he was a little bothered by that. He trusted her, of course, but it was difficult – the distance. "Oh,"_

_It was silent and Kendall spoke again, "Yeah, I'll probably go out also."_

"_Great," She didn't sound bothered. "Call me when you get home though, yes?"_

"_Oh," He responded, "Of course,"_

_That was the first awkward phone call since she has moved._

It wasn't that Kendall intentionally gave her an attitude, but he was really uneasy about the idea of her hanging out with other guys – even girls. Although he didn't have the right to judge, it was the other people he didn't trust. He really hated when Vienna would call him after a long night out, completely intoxicated.

_Kendall had just returned home, the clock striking midnight a few moments after he got into his bed. He pondered calling Vienna but he didn't trust the idea, for some reason. He was scared that he would hear the wrong thing – slightly pathetic, he knew, but it's what he's been turned into. But even so, his phone vibrated on his bare chest and seeing her name and their picture flashing on his phone was enough to allow him to smirk._

"_Hey," He answered._

"_Kendaaaaaall," From that moment, he knew Vienna had a little too much. _

"_What did you drink?" He immediately asked, closing his eyes and huffing a little too obnoxiously. _

"_Uh," She hesitated, and he could hear her uneven breaths on the other line. "Jose Cuervo!"_

_One of the strongest liquors, he knew, and it bothered him a bit. "Oh," _

"_Yup," She responded, popping the P. _

"_Who were you with?" Kendall didn't want to be the overprotective, needing to know every single detail type of boyfriend – but sometimes he couldn't help it._

"_My friends," She responded, muttering a quick 'shit' making it obvious she had tripped over something. "What about you, babe?" _

"_Same," He responded, an attitude evident. _

_It was silent for a few moments and he heard her breathing. "Hello?"_

"_What?" He asked, a little too harshly. _

"_Jesus, Kendall." Vienna huffed. "What's up your ass?"_

_He huffed in return. "Nothing,"_

"_Bullshit," Then it was silent and he heard Vienna laugh, but it seemed as if the phone was further away. _

_It was silent for a few moments and Kendall was practically asleep, angry, when he heard Vienna's breathtaking voice. "Are you there?"_

"_I'm here," He mumbled._

"_Why are you upset with me?" She asked, knowing him better then he wished she did._

"_I'm not," He responded – really, he had no right to be._

"_Liaaaaar," He could see her face in his head and he had to hold back a smile. _

"_Did you do something stupid?" He finally blurted out, the question nagging on him. He trusted her… really._

"_Stupid?" She exclaimed, "God damn, Kendall, don't you trust me a little bit?"_

"_It's not that -"_

"_Sure it is," She scoffed, interrupting whatever he was about to say. "I don't get it Kendall," She sounded sincere, although her words were still a bit slurred. _

"_What?"_

"_Hold on," The phone must have been dropped and he could hear her muttering a few swears before she picked it up again. "Call me tomorrow." Then hung up._

_He didn't like that._

Kendall knew that a lot of the time, not all, but a lot, he initiated anything relatively close to an argument – but he couldn't help it. It would always come up between these two, the stubbornness; they're so different yet so alike. But Kendall knew he was wrong that night, so the following morning he called her and apologized. She had said, "You need to trust me to keep this going."

So that's what he had planned to do.

But it wasn't only him, sometimes.

_The way the streets seemed to be spinning and the pinching at his stomach – that was enough to prove that Kendall drank a little bit more than planned. It was still summer vacation, and he didn't drink _all _the time. But when he did – he did it too get drunk. He walked on the curb of an empty street by himself; having left his friends just a few moments ago. Vienna clouded his mind, sober or not, 24/7. He missed her voice, her piercing blue eyes, the way she smiled – a smile like no other. He missed the way her delicate fingers would trace down his bare torso when they would get intimate. He really missed that – getting intimate. He missed the perfect, soft of her skin and the way she would always bit down on her bottom lip. The way her eyes were flutter closed when their two bodies would become one and the way her normal, tough exterior would always falter, just how delicate and fragile he would come beneath her. He missed how no matter what, though, when she reached her peak she would always keep her eyes locked with his. _

_He missed her. So pulling his phone out of his pocket and stumbling a bit on the curb he walked on, he clicked her name, pulling the phone to his ear and listening to the ringing until he was more than relieved to hear her answer._

"_Hey babe," She answered, and Kendall automatically smiles. _

"_Viennaaaaaaa," He responded, putting major emphasis on the a. "I miss you, babe."_

_She laughed into the phone, "I miss you too, drunkie." _

_He laughed, too. "Who's drunk?" He exclaimed. "I'm not,"_

"_Right…" She chuckled lightly. "Where are you now?"_

_Kendall was about to respond, when he heard his name being called in the distance. He spun on his heels, stumbling a bit, and shockingly coming face to face with the one and only Brittany Rivera. "Kendall, Kendall! Hey!" She was alone, and clearly drunk, and he was with her earlier that night. _

"_Hey, Brittany." Bad move, Kendall. _

_Vienna didn't say a word. _

"_Where are you headed?" Brittany asked – her voice flirtatious. _

"_Home," He chuckled, "You?"_

"_Same," She went on by talking to him and in Kendall's drunken state, he kept the conversation flowing. _

_Vienna hung up. _

_After departing with Brittany, he called her back. "Vienna?"_

"_What?" _

"_You hung up on me," Kendall stated. "Why the hell did you do that?"_

_She laughed – but it was harsh. "Really, Kendall?"_

"_What?"_

"_You were clearly interested in what bullshit that bitch Brittany had to tell you," She paused. "And I don't wanna waste my battery listening to that." _

"_We were just talking," Kendall reassures her._

"_Yeah, well, so were we." _

_It was silent and Kendall began to say, "Look, I'm sorry, but you should just trust-"_

"_Good night, Kendall." Then she hung up._

_He called her that next morning and apologized – sincerely. He hadn't meant to be such a dick. She accepted his apology and had said, "I just want to be back."_

Today was the day though, the day she would return. He waited for this. For a whole entire, long summer. It was September, just a week away from school – Kendall's senior year – and he waited for this day for so long, it felt. It was noon now, and Vienna had told him she would be arriving a little after noon. He was nervous, to say the least, and he was afraid of how it would be. The pure look of love they shared over six months, would it still be there? Does she still have those same _strong _feelings that he most definitely still has for her?

"_So, I'm coming back tomorrow." Vienna spoke lowly into the phone, Kendall sighing nervously as those words left her mouth. _

_He stayed sober and home tonight purposely, wanting to be 100% okay when she returned. "I know," He responded. _

"_Yay." She said, with much less enthusiasm. _

_Kendall knitted his eyebrows together, "Sarcastic?"_

"_No,"_

"_You don't seem too excited to return," He sighed._

"_You don't seem too excited that I'm returning…"_

"_Vienna," He breathed out. "I've been waiting so long to see you."_

_It was silent. "Good," She finally responded – sincerely. _

_But Kendall was still nervous._

He paced the outside of his house, walking up the front steps, only to walk down them. She was coming now and he hadn't been more nervous. Cars drove past and he kept thinking they would be her – his heart pounded in his chest. But then finally, the taxi pulled up. He was sitting on his steps, but he jumped up and stood there nervously. He could see her silhouette but not much of her, but he still breathed heavily. Then the door opened and she stepped out. He could have died.

The taxi drove away and Vienna pulled her carry on bag over her shoulder, lifting her head up from the ground with, what looked like, a nervous smile. She looked flawless – more so then he remembers. Her skin was darker, the Miami sun mixed with her Italian descendent, easily tanning her perfectly. The dark tan caused her big blue eyes to pop even more, and her smoothness of her lips was unbearable to Kendall as he walked toward her. Nothing in this moment mattered now. Her bag fell from her shoulder as she wrapped her delicate arms around Kendall's neck. Their lips attached almost immediately and Kendall could feel her smile into the kiss. It was a perfect kiss, but he couldn't help but feel nervous.

They pulled away but rested their foreheads on each other's, "Hi." Vienna whispered.

"Hi," He murmured back, allowing his eyes to flutter close for a moment.

She had to still feel the same, right?

Mrs. Knight and Katie were at the beach for the day, claiming to be coming home later that night being they were going to dinner with family-friends afterward. Kendall glanced down at Vienna – she was beautiful. Flawless. Perfect. He wanted to touch her again, feel her skin against his.

"I missed you so much," She barely whispers, allowing her delicate fingers to trace Kendall's jaw line.

He let out a shaky breath, her touch becoming completely overwhelming as the hot summer sun beat down on them. "I missed you so much too." He couldn't take his eyes off her. "Let's get inside, it's cooler in there."

He picked up her bag for her and began to walk to the door; they silently walked in and up the stairs before they finally reached his room. Not much has changed – nothing at all, honestly – but the moment they stepped into his room, Vienna's eyes wandered over the entire thing. Kendall sat on his bed, placing her bag on the floor beside it, and watched as Vienna lightly touched almost everything around his bedroom. Then she turned to face him and a smile so wide grew on her face as she lightly hopped onto the bed and squealed. "Kendall, I've missed this so much!"

Her arms were wrapped around his neck again, her small body sat on his lab, and she kissed his lips again. He loved this. But he was still nervous. He needed to know. "Me too," He truthfully answered, yet sounding on edge to anyone who had been listening.

Vienna pulled back a little, "What is it?"

"What's what?"

"What's bothering you?"

"Nothings-"

Vienna scoffed. "Bull shit, Kendall." She got off his lap. "Are you not glad I'm back?"

He stood up, "Jesus, no, Vienna. It's not that."

"But it's something," She takes a step backward. "I wish you would have told me before I returned. I could have just stayed with my dad in Miami."

Vienna was staying with her mom now, having solved the problems at the best. Vienna still hated her mom, but her mom tried to get into her life. She took that as an advantage, not having to live on her own for a while – allowing herself to get a job and money before she moved on her own.

"No," Kendall responded. "No, no."

"Then what?" Vienna asked lowly. "I don't understand, Kendall, I thought you wanted me here."

Then he kissed her – hard. Their mouths opened and they battled for dominance. She pulled away though, leaving Kendall anxious. "You can't just do _that _to me."

"Vienna, do you still love me?"

Then she smiled and her eyes watered up and she slammed her hands against his chest, causing him to stumble back a bit. "Is that what this is about?" She asked, pulling him toward her again.

He shrugged, smiling against her skin as she pulled him into a hug. "I just didn't want you to stop," He murmured. "You're so… perfect. Any other guy could have railed you in."

"No," She responded. "_You _are mine and _I _am yours."

She pulled away. Then kissed him, pushing him down onto the bed. Their lips wandered, Kendall flipping them over, and hovering above her. Clothes were discarded slowly, yet rapidly and kisses were left _everywhere. _They whispered sweet nothings to each other and waited for this moment. They were one. The moans that escaped Vienna's lips were sending Kendall close to the edge. Her nails dug into his back, "I missed this, oh my God, I needed this."

"I," He breathed out. "I know, I… I love you."

"I love you," She breathed heavily. "I love you, I love you."

They lay next to each other after coming down from their highs – barely. It was all so overwhelming – her skin, her taste, her sounds. Everything. He could have gone again but the way she cuddled up onto his side, placing soft kisses on his bare torso, was perfect.

She murmured something quietly, Kendall couldn't hear. "What was that?"

"I kept my promise,"

His heart nearly jumped in his chest. She was right. She kept her promise.

"I love you,"

"I love you."

That was it. They were able to spend three, loyal months apart. Sure, they were terrified of the reuniting – afraid that one wouldn't feel the same as the other. But the way they touched, how they talked, what they did. It was all enough to prove that they are both too in love to turn back.

Vienna Chambers saved Kendall Knight. He was only a broken, desperate guy before Vienna came around and once she did, it only went uphill from there. Things won't be easy, of course, nor will they be perfect – but if they're willing to keep it up for each other, nothing terrible could go wrong. If it weren't for Vienna, Kendall wouldn't be okay. They need each other. And now that they have each other, they won't ever let go.

Kendall wants to marry her. He wants to hear people call her Vienna Knight. And he knows she feels the same. He can't imagine life without her now, let alone want to remember it before her. But that's fine. Because now, after all the hell that Kendall has been through, he could say that he is genuinely happy.

Emily will always be a part of Kendall – sure, she made him who he was. His father will always be a part of Kendall – he _is _his father. His friends, good or bad, will always be there. Family, always number one. But Vienna… Vienna's different. She has a complete different affect on him then _anyone _ever has. Nothing will ever change that.

Kendall will love Vienna forever.

And Vienna will love Kendall forever.

**The Distance- Hot Chelle Rae**

**tootaloo babies~**


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